Noah-isms, Part Soixante-Deux

A few gems out of Noah's mouth recently.

December 23- we took the kids out riding around to look at Christmas lights. We had hot chocolate and turned the radio to one of the stations playing Christmas music. Everyone was feeling very festive and enjoying themselves when Noah reminded us:

*SIGH* "Well, it's a good thing I don't have school tomorrow, guys, because it's nine o'clock! An hour past my bedtime!"

December 26- we took the kids to see Alvin and the Chipmunks, The Squeakquel. Again, everyone seemed to have a great time. After the movie, I said, " Noah, we can download the soundtrack to this movie to your MP3 player so you can listen to the songs! Won't that be great?"

"No, I didn't really like the music that much." ( *I* want the music for MY Ipod.. I thought it was great!!!)

Last night after the kids were in bed, DJ got up in the attic and was handing the luggage down to me. Noah opened his door and was glaring at us. I asked what his problem was and he replied:

" I can't sleep!! You are extracting (distracting) me!!"

Today, we are in the process of getting things ready and packed for our trip and Noah has just asked me " Hey! Where's my suitcase?"

I replied with, " Noah, we are just taking one big suitacase and all packing together so we don't have a gazillion bags to keep up with."

*eye roll*

" ' A gazillion', Mommy? Don't you think you are exaggerating a bit?"

Dietary Laws

A little background.

Since last year on Hanukkah, my son has observed Jewish holidays. Since we live so far from family, we have a surrogate family that we spend Christmas Eve with every year. We go to their house, eat, sit by the fire, eat some more, make fun of various family members, eat more, decide the children are barely hanging in there and pack them up and head home with bags of leftover food and cookies in tow.

Last night, there were Italian meatballs and a ham along with loads of hors d'oeuvres and desserts. Noah was eating macaroni and cheese and our host asked him if he was sure he didn't want some ham.

NOAH: I don't like ham.

HOST: Have you ever tried ham?

NOAH: No.

HOST: Would you like to try some? You might like it.

NOAH: Ewwwwww. Do you know that is made from a muddy pig?!

All eyes in the room turned to me.

I shrugged my shoulders and replied (with mouth full of ham) "He's kosher."

Going Home

I just wanted to quickly say- in case there is anyone out there that reads this that isn't related to me or doesn't know me personally ( which I sincerely doubt)- as if my posting isn't sporadic enough, it's going to be really spotty if not completely non-existent these next few weeks.

My mom called me last night to inform me that my grandfather passed away during the evening. I am still waiting on information as to when the funeral will be, but whenever it is, I will be going home for it. I don't even know yet if I will be going alone or if my family will be going with me, but in any event, it looks like I will be doing some travelling.

Have a happy Christmas and safe and happy new year. I'll see y'all when I see y'all.

Christmas Crafts

I'm sure it comes as no surprise to you all that my kids didn't cooperate for the Christmas card photo shoot. I think I made the best of what I had. Here is my Christmas card this year:

front:

back:

For Noah's teacher and bus driver, I made gift boxes and a set of all-occasion cards to go in the gift boxes. I am really proud of myself this year. I did not have to buy one single thing to make the gifts... I used everything already in my stash of supplies!

gift box for bus driver:

gift box for Noah's teacher:

the cards:

Halloween- Basic Grey paper(Eerie) and Paper Dolls Cricut cartridge for spider and web

Summer: Die Cuts With a View paper and Life's a Beach Cricut cartridge for flip flops

Baby Card- Making Memories (Animal Crackers-Ella) paper and New Arrival Cricut cartridge for rattle

Winter- Basic Grey ( Eskimo Kisses) paper and Accent Essentials Cricut cartridge for snow flake

Valentine's Day- Basic Grey ( Bittersweet) paper, Fiskars border punch and Studio G-bird and "Happy Valentine's Day" stamp

Spring- K& Company paper, scallop punch and spring stamps by Studio G

Basic Grey ( Mellow) paper, leaf punches

Christmas- Basic Grey ( Figgy Pudding) paper and stickers, Cuttlebug for embossing snowflakes

same supplies as above

birthday- Basic Grey ( Lemonade), Martha Stewart border punch, Cricut Accent Essentials cartridge for flowers and Doodlecharms cartridge for ladybugs

Zen and the Art of the Female Psyche

As I was browsing through a friend's photo album, I was making note of all the fabulously-dressed fashionable people in her photos ( including her). I became somewhat jealous and was taken back to a time when I, too, was pretty trendy and well-dressed. Circa 2002 B.C.

Before Children.

Now, I'm not saying this happens to all moms, because I also have some very well-dressed, put-together mom friends. I envy them. The truth is, while it would be melodramatic to say that having children has caused me to lose the will to live, I CAN say that I have lost my will to accessorize.

Most of my days are spent in the company of my two-year-old. This is someone that would be perfectly happy to go out dressed in her Dora pajamas and would also wear said pajamas every day for months straight if I didn't put my foot down and insist that they go in the wash. She is the same person that loves to wear a tutu over jeans with one sandal, one snow boot, a tiara and magic wand. In short, she looks like the lady that hangs out under the bridge with a shopping cart talking to herself. Unfortunately, so do I.

Which brings me to my revelation. Occasionally ( "only in leap years" is occasionally right?) I dress up. When I do, I actually feel good. Common sense says I should then do this more often and it would lift my spirits. So, why then, do I own more pairs of yoga pants than I care to admit? And why do I resort to a pair of those yoga pants and a t-shirt ( long or short-sleeved depending on the season) every day? Because it is easy and I am lazy. I am usually dragging when I get out of bed in the morning. I have to hit the ground running while shuffling kids, lunchbox, homework, library books and the demands of a two-year-old, which is like meeting the demands of a terrorist. It is easy to hit the snooze button and catch a few more minutes of sleep ( sixteen to be exact, I hit the snooze button exactly twice every morning) and get up, throw on the yoga pants, t-shirt, brush my teeth and put my hair in a pony tail. Done.. in less than three minutes. Besides, who is going to see me anyway?

Well, it's the season where packages arrive at my door almost daily and I am starting to sense that the UPS man is scared of me. He throws the package at my front door, knocks and runs. I open my door to find a package lying in my flower bed and the sound of the truck speeding off. So much for "What can brown do for you?" Brown can make you feel like a troll, that's what! But that's fine, because perhaps brown has done quite a bit for me after all. Because I need to do something about this. I don't want to be THAT mom. I don't want to LOOK like a mom! Now, I'm not getting all radical and quitting the yoga pants cold turkey. No, I could never do that! **shudder** But, I CAN try a little bit more every day to make myself feel better.

Maybe tomorrow, I'll only hit the snooze button once. Perhaps I can use that extra time to use my straightening iron to smooth my rat's nest of hair rather than just resort to the pony tail. Maybe I'll even put on my LOFT jeans, which I love and have hanging on display in my closet like the Mona Lisa because I never wear them. You might even see me with a scarf- if that travelling band of gypsies I summoned a few weeks ago would ever show up and trade me one for Zoe.

Yes, maybe tomorrow I will turn over a new leaf. I've already made a small effort this morning. I'm actually typing this in my LOFT jeans ( and University of Texas t-shirt and pony tail)!

Baby steps.

Happy Hanukkah!

If you don't already know about my son's wish to be Jewish, you can read about it here. When he was in preschool, they made a tiny little menorah out of styrofoam and q-tips. He packs it away each year in the box with holiday decorations and pulls it out every year when we decorate for Christmas and sets it tenderly on the window sill.

Personally, I think it's great! I love that he is interested in learning about other cultures, religions and traditions. After the incident last Hanukkah, I didn't know if he would let it go, since his wish to be Jewish seemed to be based solely on his desire for eight nights of presents as opposed to one day. He didn't. They were out of school on Yom Kippur this year and he told me that morning that he knew it was a Jewish holiday, but he didn't know what it was all about and wanted me to explain. I explained to him all about it and he listened intently- honestly curious to learn. I had him up until the point where I told him about the fasting and his eyes got huge and he said, " Well, if *I* were Jewish, I would NOT do that part!" I laughed and told him yes he would, because that was a very important part of the observance and it would be important to him if he were Jewish.

So, this year, he unpacked his menorah, placed it on the window sill and hasn't said a word since. I already knew that Hanukkah begins tonight, but didn't know if Noah was aware. I should learn not to underestimate Noah. This morning he informed me it was the first day of Hanukkah. I explained that actually it begins at sunset tonight, but for the most part, he was correct. He understands this year that he isn't getting presents, but he simply wanted to be mindful of the Jewish celebration and the people celebrating it.

I can only hope that my children grow up to be aware, educated and open-minded people that will in turn teach their children about different faiths and cultures thus causing them to teach their children and so forth. And maybe one day, we can all get along and realize that we are all so different, yet all the very same. We are, after all- Jews, Muslims and Christians- all descendants of Abraham- brothers and sisters.

I hope you all find love, peace and happiness in your celebration my brothers and sisters.

I Got OWNED by a Six-Year-Old OR Dear God, Why Didn't You Include Instructions on How to Parent This Child?

I've always believed in letting children make mistakes and then using those mistakes as learning experiences. I had no idea, though, that at least one of my children would turn out smarter than yours truly.

Last week, Noah came home from school and informed me that his homework for the evening was to use each of his spelling words in a sentence. But, when he went digging through his backpack, he realized he had left his homework journal- with the spelling word list in it- in his locker at school. Now, I happened to know that his teacher keeps a web page with updated homework and spelling lists for the parents. Noah did not know this information, though. I pulled up the list and told Noah that this one time I would let him look at the list online, but if he forgot his journal again, he would simply have to go to school without his homework and explain to his teacher why he was missing his assignment. Aside from getting marks against him for not turning in his homework, he would also be deprived of the sticker they receive daily for turning it in and possibly chocolate which they receive when the entire class manages to turn in their homework.

Today, Noah walked in the door and informed me he had new spelling words and had to write them three times each for homework. He proceeded to get his folder out of his backpack and then realized that he had forgotten his journal.

I put on my Bill Cosby hat, because THIS was a teaching moment!

"Noah, do you remember what I told you last week? Since you didn't bring home your journal and spelling list, you will just have to explain to Miss Gray tomorrow why you aren't turning in your homework."

Completely unaffected by my decree, he sat down at the kitchen table, got out a piece of paper and said, " That's ok. I know what the spelling words are, anyway."

I couldn't argue with that, but I was pretty certain there was no way he would remember all ten words, especially since he spent all day today on a field trip and literally just got back to school in time to write his words, homework assignment and pack his backpack to go home.

About thirty minutes later, he produced his work to me. All the words were spelled correctly. After he left the room, I quickly got on the internet to pull up the spelling list for the week. He had them out of order, but he had them. Spelled correctly.

So much for learning a lesson.

Unless of course, we are discussing me. I learned a lesson... that I am NOT smarter than a first grader!

The Only Time of Year Where We Enthusiastically Encourage Our Children to Talk to and Take Candy from a Total Stranger

We don't do Mall Santa. The one and only time we did Mall Santa was November 2003 when Noah was three months old and I was visiting home in Texas. We went to the mall there and it was so totally NOT crowded ( I know the people that are from Southeast TX are going to argue with me, but trust me, it's NOT crowded- try a mall in Jersey!).


Since then, we have always been here for Christmas and I am NOT standing in line for two hours with small children to see Santa. That is a recipe for an epic tantrum. I'm not sure if that tantrum would be mine or my children's, but I don't intend to find out, either. Still, we always manage to find some Santa substitute each year, usually at DJ's squadron children's party.


Yesterday, we needed to go to Penney's and didn't feel like driving to the real (meaning: decent) mall, so we went to our local crap mall. I'm not exaggerating.. this mall still has Penney's, Sears and Macy's and that is all that is keeping it afloat ( that and the Chuck E Cheese in the parking lot). There is also a Bath and Body Works and a Victoria's Secret, but all the other major retailers ( Gap, Children's Place, Express, Limited...) all gone! That's what I mean.. crap mall.


So, we're walking through the crap mall to verify that it is still in fact, CRAP, and we walk through the center to see... Santa! Santa was smiling and waving and "ho ho ho"-ing to everyone who passed. No line. So we decided, what the heck... we haven't been sufficiently tortured today and Zoe has had no major meltdowns yet, so what better than Mall Santa to throw Zoe into a frenzy?


Now, I have to admit, Mall Santa was really good. He discreetly found out the kids' names ahead of time so he could address them by name. He spoke very calmly and sweetly to Zoe, keeping his distance. He suggested that maybe I just have Noah stand next to him rather than sit in his lap and get Zoe to stand on the other side using Noah as a buffer between herself and the overgrown jolly one. We got quite a few shots that included my arm holding a very unhappy Zoe in place, some of a blur of Zoe running away and then Santa pulled out the candy canes.


Stop the presses, the creepy stranger has candy! Zoe was suddenly very interested! Of course she still wasn't going within a thirty foot radius of him. Noah and Santa were instructed to just keep staring at the camera and smiling no matter what. Zoe's need for the sweet striped confection within the jolly old elf's grasp overpowered the stranger danger and she was lured in. She crept over to him and grabbed the candy cane, but still had her back to the camera. DJ and I called out, " Zoe!! What do you have??" and she turned toward the camera, pointed at us to tell us, "No!!" ( as in, "You two keep out of this!!") and the photographer snapped the shot in that small nanosecond because what followed that tiny moment captured on film, was a series of events that are sure to make Santa rethink Zoe's "naughty or nice" status on his list.

So, Zoe snagged the candy cane, turned to yell, " No!" at myself and DJ, and in one fluid movement, whirled around, smacked an unsuspecting Noah in the head with the candy cane ( on purpose, not on accident), threw her head back, let out a maniacal laugh and ran off!

There was silence for a moment then Noah yelped, " Owwww Zoe!!!", Santa snickered under his breath and DJ and I stared helplessly at the photographer who was beaming from ear to ear because she had the shot!

"We'll take it!" we announced in unison and left with a ridiculously overpriced photo and lofty dreams of coal in Zoe's stocking Christmas morning!

Modern Medicine

Yesterday, we spent a good part of the day at Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. I am so thankful to say that it was our last visit. The Pediatric Stroke Team there has been following Zoe since she was discharged from their hospital after being transported there as a result of having a stroke shortly after her birth.

Every time we visit, we see the neurologist, a physical, speech and occupational therapist and a social worker. They all want to monitor her progress and look for any red flags in her development that might result from the brain damage she sustained. So far, we have had none. The visit prior to this one was about a year ago where they told us she was doing well and they wanted to see her in one year and if she was still doing as well, she would not need to see them again.

All evaluations went well and they were very excited to see what a happy and ACTIVE little girl she is. We were given the instructions to continue to watch her and let them know of any concerns that arise especially when she starts school if she were to have any learning delays.

Noah- being the awesome, caring and protective older brother- came home from school and immediately said, " So, how was Zoe's appointment? What did the doctors say?"

I was touched by his concern for his baby sister.

" They said she is a perfectly healthy, normal two-year-old little girl.", answered his father.

"Good job, Zoe!", Noah replied, followed very shortly by:

"But, what did they say about the crying and the meanness??"

Poor Noah... he was hoping for a miracle cure.. and had to learn that modern medicine can't fix EVERYTHING!

Rebel With a Cause

There comes a point in almost everyone's life where they reject the very essence of themselves. They rebel against their family, their roots, their upbringing. Usually it occurs in the teenage years, sometimes in the adult years.

Zoe has begun at the tender age of two.

DJ is Native American. I don't mean, he has 1/16 in him and likes to bring it up at family gatherings, I mean, he is actually on a tribal roll. He is half Poarch Creek Indian. His father is full-blooded.

Here is the cute little Thanksgiving decoration I have in my entryway:

Since I first put him out a few weeks ago, Zoe keeps kidnapping him. Luckily, I usually catch her in the act and make her put him back. Today her angst overwhelmed her and she just decide to take care of her deep-seated urge right there in plain view for all to see:

She tried to scalp him!

It's going to be the French and Indian War all over again right here in my house, but this time with Creek Indians and Cajun French (my heritage, by the way).

November 21, 1998

Ok, so I meant to do this yesterday, but simply ran out of time. Yesterday was my eleventh wedding anniversary. My hubbie knows me well, he made me a card with pictures of our adventures in it and wrote " What a long strange trip it's been..." (HAHA! Grateful Dead!!) and "... thank you for eleven wonderful years. I keep falling in love with you year after year."

How right he is... a long strange trip... during the past eleven years, we've lived in England, visited Scotland, Ireland, Wales, France and Italy, moved to New Jersey and created two beautiful, spirited, hilarious and unruly children. (click on individual pictures for detail)

November 21, 1998 :

With our first child, fur-baby, Isabella:

me overlooking Roman ruins:

DJ in Trafalgar Square, London:

Me in front of Sacre Coeur, Paris:

August 30, 2003- Noah's birth:

August 22, 2007- Zoe's birth:

August 24,2007- major health scare- Zoe was transported to Children's Hospital of Philadelphia where she spent four days:

This is the only family photo I have of all of us... usually DJ is taking a picture of me with the kids and vice versa... this is still quite old... Zoe is about 9 or 10 months old here... taken at Sesame Place I'm guessing June 2008:

October 2009:

Happy Anniversary, love.

I love you!

Christmas is in the Air

Previously I mentioned that one of my daughter's strengths is resilience. My son, however, has a completely different set of strengths. One of them being his drive to get things accomplished. He is no procrastinator (unless he is supposed to be cleaning his room).

This morning, while getting ready for school, Noah casually said to me, "Mommy, I think when I get home from school and Daddy gets home from work, I am going to go ahead and give you your Christmas presents."

We don't even put up our Christmas tree until after Thanksgiving. I looked a Noah, puzzled, and said, " We don't even have the tree up. Why don't you wait until closer to Christmas?"

" Naaahhhhh" **sigh** " I think I'd just rather get it done now."

I have to admit, I'm curious as to what our gifts are. I forsee a hand-me-down GeoTrax train, soccer trophy or Star Wars book in my near future.

I'm Doing a Goofy White Girl Dance All Over the House!

I'm arrogantly running around today listening to Beethoven's Fifth Symphony. Why do I say "arrogantly"? Well, what is the roman numeral for five? That's right, "V". As in "Victory!" Just for grins and giggles, I wanted to add an FYI.... did you know that morse code for the letter "v" is ...- ? Short, short, short, long. For a moment, sing Beethoven's Fifth in your head.... short short short LONG! Pretty cool, huh? There's your music lesson for the day. Now.. on to more important things... like VICTORY!

**singing: SHORT SHORT SHORT LOOOOOOONNNNNNGGGG!"**

Zoe is still sleeping in her bed! I'm absolutely giddy! I'm on the verge of slap crazy! She's sleeping in her bed! She's sleeping in her bed! And guess what else!!!????? The other night, we put her down and she whimpered.. she didn't scream, she whimpered for a few minutes and then I head her in there, singing! SINGING!!!! After I sat stunned for a moment... then sniffed my sweet tea to make sure that DJ didn't spike it.... I went to get the monitor and turned on the video to see what she was up to. She was lying in bed singing. And she sang for an hour and drifted off to sleep!

BWAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

TAKE THAT, ZOE!

WHO'S THE BOSS IN THIS HOUSE NOW???

WHO CALLS THE SHOTS AROUND HERE?

WHO IS THE SUPREME STUBBORN ONE???

THAT'S RIGHT, IT'S ME.... MOMMY!!

IN. YOUR. FACE.



umm.... I mean, I am so proud of my sweet little girl.

Overheard

While getting ready for the bath, I put Zoe on her little potty. As always, she screamed, "NO!" and got up, but then Noah got on the big potty and so she sat back down. And she peed!! I made a big deal, clapped, hugged her and gave her some candy ( yes, I am bribing her.. shut up!). Then they got in the bathtub and I went across the hall to pick up Zoe's room.

I overhead this from Noah:

"This is Noah with Channel Six Action News. This just in, Zoe has gone pee on the potty! Zoe, tell us how you did it."

And Zoe giggled, said, "YAY POTTY!" and then proceeded to babble at him.

I would have loved to hear the entire interview, but I couldn't contain my giggles and once Noah realized I was listening to him, he got embarrassed and stopped.

Thankful Thursday

We are full-on in the terrible twos at my house, so I am trying to be positive today and think of all the things I am thankful for.

1. My daughter is extremely stubborn and this will be a tremendous asset when she is an adult. She won't be pushed around and will always get her point across.

2. Directly related to #1- although it took almost NINE weeks, we have finally ( almost) won the bedtime war. A week and a half ago, she went from sleeping on the floor in front of her door like a dog, to dragging her blanket and pillow down there with her. Three nights ago, she actually spent the entire night in her bed... and has continued to do so every night. Not surprisingly, she is sleeping later in the mornings because she is sleeping so soundly! The reason I said that we've "almost" won the war is because she still screams at the top of her lungs when we say goodnight and close her door. It only lasts about ten minutes though and as previously mentioned, she is now staying in her bed. WOOHOOO.. that is a HUGE victory for me! And I think I get some bragging rights for being more stubborn than she is....

** doing victory dance** " I WIN.. YOU LOSE... I WIN I WIN, YOU LOSE!!"

Ahem... **smoothing hair back down and regaining composure**

Annnnnddd

3. As big of a pain as she has been lately, I have moments when she comes out of her room looking like this:

..to remind me how much fun having a girl can be.

4. She already has impeccable manners. In fact, today, I said, " Zoe, would you please go put your shoes in your room?" and she answered, " No, thank you."

5. She's fiercely loyal. I have to pry her blanket out of her hands in order to wash it and she accepts no substitutes.

6. Unlike her brother, she is NOT a picky eater. She loves food... all food... with the exception of sandwiches. Two weeks ago, she ate gumbo. Today, I gave her popcorn chicken and sweet peas for lunch. There is no way Noah would eat a green pea, but she shoved them in her mouth, smiled and said, "Mmmmmm Yummmm!"

7. She likes to help around the house. She isn't really helping. In fact, she's making a bigger mess, but she THINKS she's helping and that's really sweet.

8.I sliced my finger the other night. The next day, she saw the band-aid on my thumb and said, " Bo bo??" I nodded and she kissed it!

This post is mostly about Zoe because she has been the thorn in my side lately, but I wanted to add a little blip about Noah because while writing the beginning of this post, the end of this post came home in his backpack.

Which brings us to:

9. Apparently Noah enjoys composing his own music. He wrote a song on the bottom of his math test... I was impressed with the notation... not so much with the typical boy potty humor. The words are: " Pee pee versus poo poo in a jar. Die for your candy."

Profound.

Mystical Saturday

...Because every yard needs a cute little garden fairy.

Grammar School

The kids are out of school today and tomorrow for the NJEA Teacher's Convention. We took the opportunity to take them to the Philadelphia Zoo. I love the zoo. DJ loves the zoo. Zoe loves the zoo. Noah says he loves the zoo but in reality, spends the entire time reading the zoo map, complaining that he is too cold/hot/tired/thirsty/hungry and asking when we are leaving.

Today was no different. Noah, however, has evolved. He picked something else to obsess about today. Today's target? A sign on a door for an exhibit. It read, " Please use other door". Noah eyed it, read it aloud and then said, " Well, that doesn't make any sense!" I was a bit puzzled because Noah is pretty smart, but I explained the sign's meaning to him.

Noah rolled his eyes and said, " NO! I mean, it doesn't make sense. Shouldn't it say, 'Please use THE other door' ? There's no THE in the sentence!!"

He wouldn't let it go. That and the hunger. So, we left after a relatively short visit. Thankfully we are members so we didn't feel like we were cheated.

**UPDATE** While transferring the pictures from the camera to the computer today, I found, much to my delight, that DJ took a picture of the sign!! YAY! ( He was actually taking a picture of the whole building, because he liked it, but I was able to crop it with photoshop so we could see the sign)

BOO!

Have a safe and Happy Halloween!

The Dropouts

I was telling this story to someone today and had forgotten how funny it was ( to me anyway) so I thought I would share it. It is a story about me and college and being a musician. But, please, don't stop reading if you are not a musician, because I promise, even if you only took a few piano lessons as a child, or played in beginner band or were in choir for a few years, this will not be over your head.

After majoring in music for two years, I changed my major to elementary education. My friends Aimee and Tracie also changed their majors around the same time. Our new degree plans required a Humanities class. That's code for some form of appreciation of the arts. Now, my argument was that after numerous piano, music theory, music literature, recital, band, flute lessons, flute choir ( I could go on and on) classes, if I didn't appreciate the arts, well, I wasn't gonna. And no perky professor and her class could make me either! ( So, THERE!) Well, of course I appreciate the arts... but for argument's sake, I'm just sayin'. And, incidentally, the powers that be, disagreed with me on how much I appreciated the arts.

We enrolled in a class that was half theatre appreciation and half music appreciation. We obediently took the first half, enjoyed it and fared well. Then, the day came for us to plant our behinds in seats in the recital hall of the building we had practically lived in previously to listen to a new professor on staff in the music department who was obviously a former elementary teacher. You know why I know this? Because she was perky as all get-out. I mean REALLY perky. ANNOYINGLY perky! And on that first day, she walked up in front of the class ( full of non-musicians that looked bored to tears to even be there) and said (chirpily and loudly) " HELLO CLASS, MY NAME IS DR. _____ ________! THAT'S CALLED FORTE!" (now whispering) "Hello, class, I'm Dr. ______ _______ . That's called piano." The three stooges in the back of the classroom rolled our eyes and groaned.

Before the class was over, she had drawn a whole note on the board and said, "This is a whole note, it gets FOUR beats!" Oh yes she did. I was certain God was very unhappy with me, because I had just been cast into Hell.

As soon as class was out... we marched straight down the hall and to the office of our band director who also happened to be the music department chair at the time and closed his door. We proceeded to tell him in great detail about what we learned. After he finished laughing... and he laughed, HARD, he said he would see what he could do. He talked to the professor and informed us that she was not happy that we wanted to skip the classes and just take her final. She felt that we were being all self-righteous, but he managed to talk her into it anyway. ( Thank you, Dr. Johnson) But, she wanted to make it difficult for us. If we were such music geniuses, then we should he able to pass her tests WITHOUT the notes. I can't remember if she completely refused to give us the outline of what would be on the tests, or if she just refused to give us what would be on the listening portion of the test, but she did refuse to give us much to work with.

The day came for the final and we shuffled in there nervously. Dr. Happy Britches passed out the multiple choice answer portion of the test and was in the process of passing out the questions that we would all turn over on cue. Now, Dr. Perky Pants decided to make the ONE listening question count for a good portion of the grade, further complicating our plight. So, we quickly scanned the answer part to the listening portion to see four choices we did not recognize. She was playing hard ball. We confirmed that none of us had ever heard of any of the pieces, until....

My nerdiness and love of figure skating offered a glimmer of hope. One of the pieces was "Bolero". I did not recognize this piece because of my music background, but because of my love of figure skating and the famous performance by Torville and Dean in the 1984 Winter Olympics. I quickly explained that I DID know one piece, so we had a one in four chance that we would get it, or at the very least, if it WASN'T Bolero, we would only have three other choices and narrow the odds of guessing incorrectly.

Well, the moment came. She started the piece and we all craned our necks to hear. And ever so softly, I heard, DUM da da da DUM da da da DUM da da da da da da da da da..... I could see Tracie and Aimee cut their eyes sideways at me. I smiled from ear to ear and we all three furiously bubbled in "C". We all made an A in that class. And proved that God either loves unholy backsliding quitters OR just loves them more than He loves perky elementary school music teachers.

** I would like to add a very ironic and hilariously funny afternote- Tracie is now an elementary music teacher. I have faith that she isn't annoyingly perky, though. At least I HOPE she isn't!

The Olden Days...

DJ took the GPS with him on his trip. Today, I was taking the kids to a birthday party at a friend's house who has recently moved. I knew where her street was located, but wanted to get more details, like how far down the road she lived, what side, were the house numbers visible and were there any distinguishing features to look for.

Noah asked me, " Mommy, why are you going to call Conner's mom?"

"Because they moved to a new house and I am not sure exactly where it is. So, I am going to call for directions."

"Maybe we should use the GPS."

" Noah, Daddy has the GPS with him and I am confident that I can find the house after I call Becca and talk to her. That is, after all, what we did BEFORE we had GPS!!"

**Noahs eyes got wide as saucers**

" Well..... maybe we should go to WalMart first and buy a NEW GPS!"

I'm happy to report that despite their lack of use, my natural navigational skills are still sharp and we found the house with no problem.

Yay me!

Parenthood- Raw

I am convinced that kids have the innate ability to know when their parents have hit that point where they are going to lose it.

Zoe has been having sleep issues for the past seven weeks. So that means that *I* have been having sleep issues for the past seven weeks and that makes for one cranky momma. She refuses to sleep in her bed. Every night, she gets out of her bed and lies in front of her door and kicks it and screams until she finally falls asleep and then spends the night sleeping on the floor in front of her door. She doesn't sleep well, I hear her rolling around in there and hitting the door and her closet as she thrashes in her sleep. But, for the most part, she doesn't require that I actually GET UP and go in there anymore.

Except for Wednesday night. She was having a particularly restless night and I barely slept because I kept hearing her. Somewhere around five a.m. she started crying. I got so angry. I was lying there in bed steaming and thinking all the unhealthy things I shouldn't. Like that she was doing this to ME on purpose. Why did I deserve this? Dear Lord, I am SO FREAKIN' TIRED, why can't you cut me a break? Why did I have children in the first place? Why did I marry a man in the military when I completely swore them off back in 1997? Why can't I be a great mom that loves her job and has it all together all the time? And most importantly, WHAT IS WITH NEW JERSEY AND JUGHANDLES??? ( OK... maybe that wasn't relevant, but that's an ongoing joke and no one has ever answered it for me)

At my breaking point, I flung back the covers on the bed, stomped across the hall to Zoe's room, flung open the door, peered around the corner at her lying on the ground ready to just explode and yell at her . But then, she sprang up and hollered, " BOO!!!" and collapsed in a fit of giggles.

How can you be mad at that? She saved herself that night... and I guess God WAS trying to cut me a break after all.

Conversations with Noah

Last night, DJ and Noah were talking on the phone before bed and DJ was picking on Noah. Here is the conversation that took place:

NOAH: Hi, Daddy!
DJ: Daddy?? I'm a daddy???
NOAH: YES.. I'm your SON!
DJ: What's your name, little boy?
NOAH: Noah _____ _____ (insert full name)
DJ: That name doesn't sound familiar, where do you live?
NOAH: Umm... with your WIFE!


I feel that I must also add our dinner conversation from the evening before that. Noah (whom I think is quite possibly the pickiest eater EVER) was trying a Mexican casserole I made and while chewing, looked down at his bowl and said:

" That's a big ole mess of Mexican goodness right there!"



**SNICKER SNICKER SNORT**

Haiku Monday

No, that's not a real thing.. I made it up... so just go with it, okay?

Dear God, I beg you
Protect me from my offspring
They plot against me.

Mano y Mano
Myself against the redhead
Who is left standing?

During deployment
My mental state in one word:
Certifiable.

I'm going to bed
I'm too tired and it's too cold
Wake me up for spring.



K.. I'm done now... carry on.

Tough Audience

Way back, a long time ago, I was a performer. Crowds and audiences energized me. Now, I prefer to blend in and pray noone notices me. When someone does notice, I make a funny face or crack a joke and then crawl back in my hole.

I was going through a stack of VHS tapes I have this evening trying to find what is worth keeping and what is not. (i.e. Days of Our Lives from 1989 is NOT worth keeping, however, my senior homecoming pep rally IS) I popped in a tape in Noah's room- because he has the only remaining VCR in the house- and pushed play. It just happened to be the homecoming game my senior year of high school when I twirled fire.

I know, right... WOW.. fire! I thought for sure my son would be impressed with his ninja, fire-twirling mommy. Umm... not so much. I told Noah that was me when I was seventeen and in high school and he watched, stone-faced until the very end.

When it was all over, the crowd roared and I looked at my son's face, waiting for him to proclaim me the coolest mommy in all christendom. Instead, I got:

" Umm... Mommy? That looked really dangerous. I'm thinking you aren't supposed to play with fire."

And then he went back to playing his Geo Trax trains as if nothing had happened.

Maybe If I light his LIGHT SABRE on fire and twirl it.... I dunno.

Fall in NJ

Growing up in Texas, I don't remember ever having a pumpkin patch to go to. You just went to the store and bought a pumpkin. As much as I hate New Jersey in the winter, I equally love it in the fall. The leaves are absolutely beautiful! The air gets slightly crisp but not cold and all the farms have pumpkin picking, apple picking, hayrides and corn mazes. What fun!!

Saturday, I took the kids to Conte Farms in Tabernacle to pick pumpkins. The group we were with also wanted to go apple picking. So, although we didn't get any apples, we walked through the orchard with them and I used the opportunity to take pictures.

As always, my kids were angelic and absolutely loved posing for photos.

I think this next one is my absolute favorite. Hand someone a pitchfork and you have American Gothic. I love what my cousin, Lesley, had to say about it. She said it could be a literal depiction of Passive vs. Aggressive. Noah looks as if he is thinking, " Dear God, I'm a good kid. WHY, then must You punish me and require me to stand here and take pictures?" While Zoe is surely thinking, " Keep it up, lady and I'll make you EAT that camera!"

Noah and Zoe picked out their pumpkins and we posed with them. Afterwards, I had to carry those things out of the patch and wait for the wagon to come take us back up to the market. I kept wondering why I was being such a wimp and having to set them down and regrip them. They were just sliding out of my hands. When we weighed the pumpkins to pay for them, Noah's was 17.87 pounds, Zoe's was an even 18 pounds! Well, no wonder! I was schlepping thirty-six pounds of pumpkin around... ALONG with two kids, Zoe's backpack, a camera and a water bottle. Noah was really perturbed I made him carry the umbrella.

My handsome man:

Yeah... I'm cool!

Are we done with this nonsense yet?

After we paid for the pumpkins and put them in the van, we went back to the bakery where they had homemade apple cider doughnuts and apple cider! YUM! The kids both loved them and Zoe love the apple cider so much, I had to wrestle the cup back out of her hand so I could have a drink.

See her cider moustache?