A Tale of Two Dresses

by

[Mad as the] Dickens

It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. It was summer. It was winter. It was bright and cheery. It was gray and dreary. It was the reason for countless struggles. It was the reason for unbridled joy.

One was long-sleeved and adorned with festive penguins.

One was short-sleeved and adorned with glitter.

In spite of a closet full of dresses, outfits, sparkly pants and Tinkerbell shirts, these were the only two acceptable options for wear. The possessor of these treasures had handpicked them from her collection and nothing else could compare to their splendor.

Maternal nerves frayed. Headaches originated. Tantrums commenced. Shoes were thrown. Little legs froze in sub-freezing weather.

All for the sole purpose of fashion.

Fashion as determined and defined by a three-year-old.

And so the other clothes all hung, untouched, in the closet and longed to be touched, worn, CHOSEN.

All at the expense of two dresses.

THE dresses.

In her eyes...

...perfection.

Passive Aggressive Letters from the Edge

Dear Dog,

When I come home, don't jump off the couch you were not supposed to be on in the first place and run go lie in your bed and pretend you've been there all day. The couch is still warm and there are nose/tongue smears on the window.

So, unless there is a very warm and slobbery ghost in my house, you are sooo busted.

Signed,

Don't Tick Off the Hand that Feeds You

Naughty or Nice?

I'm sorry for the lack of posts, but we are having some serious discipline problems with my daughter right now- as in I've had to go up to her school regarding them- and all of the creativity and energy is just being sucked right out of me right now.

In honor of my daughter's bad behavior, I will repost the story of her naughty visit to see Santa last year that I was almost certain would result in her being moved to the naughty list.

This was posted on November 30, 2009:

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We don't do Mall Santa. The one and only time we did Mall Santa was November 2003 when Noah was three months old and I was visiting home in Texas. We went to the mall there and it was so totally NOT crowded ( I know the people that are from Southeast TX are going to argue with me, but trust me, it's NOT crowded- try a mall in Jersey!).


Since then, we have always been here for Christmas and I am NOT standing in line for two hours with small children to see Santa. That is a recipe for an epic tantrum. I'm not sure if that tantrum would be mine or my children's, but I don't intend to find out, either. Still, we always manage to find some Santa substitute each year, usually at DJ's squadron children's party.


Yesterday, we needed to go to Penney's and didn't feel like driving to the real (meaning: decent) mall, so we went to our local crap mall. I'm not exaggerating.. this mall still has Penney's, Sears and Macy's and that is all that is keeping it afloat ( that and the Chuck E Cheese in the parking lot). There is also a Bath and Body Works and a Victoria's Secret, but all the other major retailers ( Gap, Children's Place, Express, Limited...) all gone! That's what I mean.. crap mall.


So, we're walking through the crap mall to verify that it is still in fact, CRAP, and we walk through the center to see... Santa! Santa was smiling and waving and "ho ho ho"-ing to everyone who passed. No line. So we decided, what the heck... we haven't been sufficiently tortured today and Zoe has had no major meltdowns yet, so what better than Mall Santa to throw Zoe into a frenzy?


Now, I have to admit, Mall Santa was really good. He discreetly found out the kids' names ahead of time so he could address them by name. He spoke very calmly and sweetly to Zoe, keeping his distance. He suggested that maybe I just have Noah stand next to him rather than sit in his lap and get Zoe to stand on the other side using Noah as a buffer between herself and the overgrown jolly one. We got quite a few shots that included my arm holding a very unhappy Zoe in place, some of a blur of Zoe running away and then Santa pulled out the candy canes.


Stop the presses, the creepy stranger has candy! Zoe was suddenly very interested! Of course she still wasn't going within a thirty foot radius of him. Noah and Santa were instructed to just keep staring at the camera and smiling no matter what. Zoe's need for the sweet striped confection within the jolly old elf's grasp overpowered the stranger danger and she was lured in. She crept over to him and grabbed the candy cane, but still had her back to the camera. DJ and I called out, " Zoe!! What do you have??" and she turned toward the camera, pointed at us to tell us, "No!!" ( as in, "You two keep out of this!!") and the photographer snapped the shot in that small nanosecond because what followed that tiny moment captured on film, was a series of events that are sure to make Santa rethink Zoe's "naughty or nice" status on his list.


So, Zoe snagged the candy cane, turned to yell, " No!" at myself and DJ, and in one fluid movement, whirled around, smacked an unsuspecting Noah in the head with the candy cane ( on purpose, not on accident), threw her head back, let out a maniacal laugh and ran off! There was silence for a moment then Noah yelped, " Owwww Zoe!!!", Santa snickered under his breath and DJ and I stared helplessly at the photographer who was beaming from ear to ear because she had the shot!


"We'll take it!" we announced in unison and left with a ridiculously overpriced photo and lofty dreams of coal in Zoe's stocking Christmas morning!

Life Lessons Learned

I have two quick anecdotes today.

The first started a few weeks ago when Zoë started saying, "Oh my God" a lot. I told her one day that wasn't a very nice thing to say and that she should say, "Oh my goodness." instead. She nodded her head and went about her way.

A couple of nights ago, I heard Noah and Zoë in the tub.

NOAH: You know who made the lawn?

ZOË: WHO????

NOAH: God

ZOË: **GASP**(then whispering) Mommy say don't say God, say goodness.

So now my kid thinks God is a bad word. Nice.

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Zoë's classroom has what they call "busy bees". It is basically their jobs. They pick their job for the week from things such as door holder, snack helper etc. Sometimes if they are not behaving themselves, they will lose their busy bee for the day.

Today, Zoë had two meltdowns. One massive one which I actually heard because I was volunteering ( I was not in her classroom and she did not know I was there) and happened to be taping notes to the cubbies out in the hall when I heard her screaming. I heard her teacher firmly tell her, " No hitting. I do not hit you, so you don't hit me!"

On the way home from school, I was talking to her about her sad choices. I told her that sometimes we all make sad choices- even Mommy and Daddy make sad choices. I gave her examples and then followed it up with, "So, everyone makes sad choices sometimes, but it is important that we realized we made a sad choice. And what do you think we should do next?" (I paused giving her a chance to answer, but was going to then tell her that we should apologize to the person we hurt either with our hands or our words) I didn't get to answer the question because she did

" Ummmm???? Lose our busy bee?"