The Evolution of the Beg

While leaving the parking lot of my meeting this morning, Zoe spots Burger King and here is what follows:

ZOE: Mommy, can I have fry-fries and chicken nuggets from Burger King?

ME: No, you just had breakfast.

ZOE: But I hungry!

ME: We are on our way to Target and maybe if you are good, we can stop at Chick Fil A on our way out.

NOAH: (being a typical little boy trying to antagonize his sister) Why don't we just stop on the side of the road and kill a chicken and eat it?

ZOE: Stop it, Noah! I not talking to YOU!

*silence for about ten seconds and then we pass the local pick-your-own farm*

ZOE: Mommy! I want to go there and get strawberries!

ME: No, do you see those dark clouds? It is going to rain, so even if we stop there, it will rain on us and if it starts thundering, they won't let us pick strawberries.

ZOE: But, I'm hungry and I want to eat strawberries!!

ME: Sorry, Zoe. We have to go to Target.

*silence for another golden twenty seconds*

ZOE: Mommy! I want to go fishing.

*I have no idea where this came from and I was silent for a moment because I was confused*

ZOE: MOMMY!! I SAY I WANT TO GO FISHING!!!

ME: I heard you, Zoe. Maybe one day Daddy can take you and Noah fishing. I think Noah has a fishing pole.

NOAH: You are not using my fishing pole, Zoe.

ZOE: SHUT UP, NOAH, I AM TOO!!

ME: Alright! Why are we fighting? In the entire time we have been a family, we have never gone fishing, so why are we fighting about it?

ZOE: At Target, can I buy a fishing pole?

ME: No.

ZOE: Why? I want a fishing pole with pink princess on it!

ME: BECAUSE WE DO NOT GO FISHING! We don't need more stuff in the house that we don't use.

ZOE: (on the verge of a meltdown) BUT. I. WANT. TO. GO. FIIIISSHHHIIIINNNNGGG!

ME: Zoe, what would you do if you caught a fish?

ZOE: I would put him in a bowl and put him in my room like Noah's fish.

ME: Ohhh. No, Noah didn't catch his fish in his room. That fish is a pet. We bought that fish.

**five second silence**

ZOE: Mommy, can you buy me a fish at Target?

ME: No, no more critters in the house.

ZOE: I WANNA FIIIIISSSSSSHHHHHH!

ME: Zoe, you need to straighten up or we are not going to Chick Fil A after we leave Target.

**about thirty more seconds of golden silence**

ZOE: Mommy, I hungry. Can I have fry-fries and chicken nuggets?

**Seventy- five days until school starts**

By the Skin of HisTeeth

This past summer, I wrote this post about my son's two bottom teeth coming in behind his baby teeth- resulting in two rows of teeth like a shark. A few months later, when his baby teeth were still not loose, we had to pay an oral surgeon to have them removed. Trust me, it was not cheap.

You can imagine my dread about three months ago when I noticed his top two front teeth coming in. The good thing, is it appeared that they were at least making his baby teeth loose. Then one day, I wiggled a tooth and it was noticeably loose. I was so excited that I was not going to have to pay someone to do what potato chips, apples, corn on the cob or just a good knuckle sandwich from his sister could accomplish.

And yet- nothing. Noah started guarding his mouth like an Egyptian tomb and would not let anyone near his mouth to wiggle them. Hush, hush plans were made and deals may or may not have been struck with Zoe that she would receive a new princess outfit if she could manage to knock those teeth out. Anything to avoid paying for it again.

Three weeks ago, his two top front baby teeth began sticking straight out. I mean, the boy looked like he could eat corn on the cob through a picket fence. The adult teeth were pushing them out and yet, he still would not let anyone near them.

Two and a half weeks ago, I picked Noah up from school early. As I stood in the school lobby, peering down the hallway, suddenly he appeared. Something didn't look right. He smiled at me and one tooth was hanging lower than the other. When we got in the van, I told him his tooth looked funny and he admitted he had gone to the nurse at lunch because it was so loose it was bothering him. She had given him some Ambesol or Orajel or something similar and advised him to PULL IT! I casually asked him to smile for me so I could see why it looked strange. He did and I instantly saw it was hanging by a tiny thread. Without hesitating, I snapped into Ninja mode and with one swipe, I grabbed it and yanked it out. He hollered and then realized it was out and it was done. One down, one to go.

Later that evening, the remaining tooth moved over in the missing tooth's spot. Sort of like I do to my husband as soon as he gets out of bed in the morning. That tooth was hanging sideways, twisted and crooked across his mouth and he looked like he came from the river bottom.

Nothing could persuade Noah to let us pull the other tooth. Not even the potential that maybe the tooth fairy could give him extra money for two teeth at once.

We were back to square one. I kept telling him to quit smiling in public because he was embarrassing me. He kept swatting at me everytime I came too close to his mouth. And EVERYONE we came across told him to PULL THAT TOOTH!!


Finally last week, his father- who had been silently staying out of it- reached his breaking point. He grabbed Noah and pinned him down on the couch and pulled the tooth. Once again, Noah screamed and then realized it was all over with and proclaimed it "no big deal".

I only hope we don't have to go through this drama for every tooth. If we do, I think the tooth fairy owes ME money!

The Year of My High School Reunion and Also When My Son Called Me Old

This year is the twentieth anniversary of my graduation from high school. I graduated in May of 1991. I remember when I graduated, my dad remarked how I graduated exactly twenty years to the day after he did. And I marveled about being out of high school for twenty years, being thirty-eight years old and having a child graduating high school. I could not wrap my head around it.

And yet, what seems like MAYBE five years later, here I am. Twenty years later. Wow. I did things differently than my parents. I did not give birth to my first child until I was thirty. I think that is partially why my brain can't wrap around my age. I still think I am the same age or just a few years older than college students. And then I realize I could legitimately be their mother. Whoa.

So, as I write and you read, my twenty year reunion is being planned. It was decided to have it in the fall in conjunction with the high school's homecoming game and festivities. I was asked to design a couple of logos for use on shirts, invitations and whatnot. As I was sitting at my computer this afternoon, playing around with different designs, Noah walked in and sat beside me.

"SHS Class of 1991? Wow! Is that when you graduated?"

"Yes, Noah. I graduated high school in 1991."

**pause**

"So... that's....uh....WOW! TWENTY YEARS!?"

"Yep! Twenty years. That is why we are having a reunion."

"Is the school still there?"

"What do you mean? Of course there is still a high school in my town!"

" No, I mean the BUILDING where you went to school. It must be pretty old!"

"Yes, the building is still there, but it is the middle school now. They built a new high school after I left."

"So, it is still actually a school, then?"

**getting irritated now**

"Yes, Noah, it is still a school. What is your point?"

"I just thought if you went to school there TWENTY YEARS AGO, it must have fallen down by now. That's really old."

Should I tell him our house was built in 1984?