Chaos Wrapped in Chocolate-Covered Grins

Momma Made it Look Easy- Share Your Awesome- Today it's ME!

2012-01-27T09:37:00.002-05:00

If you don't know Jennifer from Momma Made it Look Easy, then you must live under a rock. She is a friend in real life to me- grew up in the same home town and graduated from the same high school. Now, she is a real-life, grown-up blogger with lots of followers, sponsors and even travels to blogger conventions. She's the real deal. So, I am absolutely honored that she featured my blog on hers today. Go check it out!

Anatomy of an Illness (even if it is psychosomatic)

2012-01-25T08:30:00.006-05:00

My husband came home from work early yesterday because I needed him to take Noah to piano lessons so I could attend a discussion group for the school district.

As soon as he walks in the door, I can tell he doesn't feel well. My first thought is to feel really bad because he is going to have to sit in the car with Zoe while waiting for piano lessons to be over. But my second thought?

He'd better keep that crap to himself! I don't want that!!

At 6:30, I am sitting in the library of the local high school waiting for the discussion to get underway and my thoughts drift to DJ and hoping that he is feeling a little better and the kids weren't too obnoxious.

6:32- Oh, no! I have a tickle in my throat. I had better not be getting sick!!

6:32:30 Oh whew! There was just something stuck in my throat. Silly me.

6:40- Crap! My throat is scratchy. I knew I would get sick!

6:42- Maybe I am just thirsty. I AM pretty thirsty. I bet a good drink would fix this. I'm fine.

6:50- Nope. Definitely scratchy.

7:15- Well now it went away. Weird.

7:30- Good! We're done. My throat is a little phlegmy though. I'm starving! I will go home, eat and have a big glass of iced tea- I bet I am just thirsty!

I arrive home at 7:45- help get the kids ready and into bed and then sit down with my dinner.

8:15- Ugh! The iced tea did not help and NOW my throat hurts!

I then spend the entire State of the Union Address analyzing my body's symptoms and cues and finally, at 10:30, we turn the television off and I open the medicine cabinet and take two Tylenol.

DJ looks at me, puzzled and says, "Do you have a headache?"

"NO! My throat hurts! I think I am getting whatever it is you have."

**eye roll**

"How did you get what I have? I saw you for like, five minutes when I got home this afternoon."

"Yeah, but you were facing me and snoring with your mouth open last night. I'm pretty sure you breathed your germs on me."

**another eye roll**

"LOOK! YOU COULD SHOW A LITTLE SYMPATHY- AFTER ALL, I DO HAVE STREP!!"

"Are you serious right now?"

"Well, maybe not STREP.. but my throat definitely hurts and that's the beginning of something bad. I can feel it."

"Go to sleep, Jennifer."

"Fine! But when I am hospitalized due to the Swine Flu, you are going to feel so bad for mocking me!"

**eye roll**

"Swine Flu is so 2009. Be a little more creative."

"Whatever, Petri Dish! You better hope my MRSA doesn't spread to you, 'cause THEN you will be sorry!"

He doesn't hear this- he is already snoring. (10:33)

I'm sharing my awesome with Momma Made it Look Easy!

Kids Today are So Pretend Lazy (Conversations with Zoe)

2012-01-22T19:17:00.004-05:00

ZOE: When we sing Bear Hunt, we run like this (demonstrates) when the bear is chasing us!

ME: Oh wow! You run very quickly! You know, I remember singing that song when I was in preschool.

ZOE: Ohhh... that was a LONG time ago!

Me: Umm, yeah. So... what do you do when you come to the fence?

ZOE: We open the gate (demonstrates again).

ME: Hmmm... because we had to climb the fence....

ZOE : Well, it's easy to open the gate.

ME: I suppose so. What do you do when you get to the water?

ZOE: We go in a boat and use the stick things to make you go (oars).

ME: Wow- we had to swim.

ZOE: That's weird, why??

ME: Because my preschool couldn't afford pretend boats!

ZOE: (completely unmoved by my sarcastic response) Well, why didn't you just pretend the carpet was the boat? Because there are sharks and crocodiles that probably ate you.

ME: Well, I guess I didn't have to worry about the bear anymore if the sharks and crocodiles got me, huh?

ZOE: Well, when I went in the boat, I saw some sharks and they were tiny babies, so I don't think they ate you.

ME: Oh whew! I'm so glad!

ZOE: But the bear ate you because you didn't go through the gate.

The Glove Abyss (with a guest appearance by Aretha Franklin)

2012-01-19T08:08:00.008-05:00

You all know about the sock abyss- that mysterious place in the dryer that sock mates go and never return? Well, in our house, not only do we have a sock abyss, but also a glove abyss. For some reason, the glove abyss only targets Noah, though.

It started last year. During the course of a few weeks, Noah managed to lose one or both of five pairs of gloves. At one point, he was wearing mismatched sets because I was so tired of buying gloves. And then, he lost the mismatched sets. After he lost the first set, I started buying the cheap, $1 gloves in the dollar section of JoAnn's. And then that supply ran out, the other stores cleared their winter gear for spring and Noah was gloveless. My neighbor saw him outside one morning playing without gloves and gave him a pair. I was mortally embarrassed. I washed them and gave them back with an explanation as to why he had no gloves.

As soon as the cheap gloves appeared in stores this year, I stocked up. (Note: I do have two good, waterproof pair of gloves for snow, but he is not allowed to wear those to school so that I am assured we will have them when we need them) And the cycle has already begun. He started a few weeks ago with a pair of blue gloves. They both went missing. He then got a pair of black gloves and returned home with only one. I put the mate in the bin in the closet and broke out the next pair. That afternoon, he brought home the mate to the black pair- his bus driver found it. So that pair was blissfully reunited in the closet. And somehow I get lost in the story here- but now he is missing the black pair again, the blue pair never returned and so we pulled the tags off the striped pair this morning. We will see how long that lasts. If he loses this pair, there is only one other pair in the closet, and it is only January. It's gonna be a loooong winter!

In other news: While Zoe and I were waiting in the car outside Noah's piano lesson the other night, she got bored and broke into a negro spiritual.

So, maybe they will both be musicians.

But Zoe will be a musician WITH gloves.

I am Sharing My Awesome with Momma Made it Look Easy

Winter Wonderland- by Noah

2012-01-17T10:47:00.002-05:00

Noah came home with another one of his writing projects the other day. They are so funny! His writing is really coming along but he is struggling with keeping the stories short. He gets caught up in this elaborate story he wants to write and the details which have the potential to stretch on for pages. His teacher is trying to get him to rein it in and tell the same fabulous story in a few short paragraphs. When this happens, I can visibly see in the story that he has a whole thought process going on and then suddenly sees the end of the page coming and thinks, "Oh crap! I have to wrap this up!" and he ends the story abruptly. I am going to type this story out exactly as he has written it- with his spelling and punctuation. (Noah is 8)

"Yay!", I yelled excitedly turning off my TV. " A parade is coming down town!", I cried gasping for air. The next day we made our car into a sleigh and the front of the car is atached to a cardbord cutout of reindeer on weels so the car can push the cutout around. Then we took the car to sign up for the parade.

The parade came and the "best car contest" was first. There was only three cars at the contest. A judge announced that the winner will ride behind Santa's float and get pictures with him. "We won!", I yelled!

There were millions of people at the parade. Santa was waiting for us at the end of the parade. I forgot what I had on my wish list so I took the picture and went. It felt like an hour before Zoe got done with Santa. We all went home happy.

The End

Why Do the Rules Keep Changing?

2012-01-11T14:36:00.008-05:00

Okay- so about a month ago, I posted THIS about my daughter. We got up early on picture day, curled her hair and then she refused to smile for the photographer.

Thankfully, the company has a policy where if you don't like the picture, you can send them back on picture re-take day and they will try again. Knowing this day was coming, I took Zoe shopping. I told her she was going to take her pictures again and I was going to let her choose whatever outfit she wanted to wear for pictures. She was extremely excited about this and happily picked out a dress and matching tights. She has asked to wear that outfit every day since we brought it home.

This morning, picture re-take day arrived. I pulled her outfit from the closet anticipating her excitement when she learned that today was the day she would get to wear her new outfit to school. We had even already discussed her hair and I agreed NOT to curl it again, but to only put a little bit of curl in the ends. She doesn't like it curly.

And then she stumbled in the kitchen and announced she didn't like her outfit.

The rest of the morning was filled with this:

How can I effectively parent when she keeps changing the stinking rules!!???

(I will be sure and update you when I get these pictures back- it should be interesting!)

**linking up with Wordful Wednesday @ parenting BY dummies.

Ask Noah- Political Edition

2012-01-10T19:44:00.007-05:00

Noah, who do you think will win the Republican Primary?

The what?

Who will be the Republican candidate that will go up against Obama in November?

Who's running?

Mitt Romney, Ron Paul, Rick Santorum, Newt Gingrich and Rick Perry.

They all sound like crazy people.

Okay, Ron Paul and Rick Perry are from Texas, Rick Santorum is from Pennsylvania, Newt Gingrich is from Pennsylvania, but served as a congressman for Georgia and Mitt Romney is from Massachusetts.

How is this information supposed to help me?

I don't KNOW!! I thought maybe telling you where they are from would help with your decision!

I don't know HOW!

Fine! How about pictures?

**I show him their pictures**

Who looks more presidential?

Obama.

Well, he IS the president. I am asking you who should run against Obama on the Republican side.

*skeptical, one-eyebrow-raised, stare*

OF THE REPUBLICANS, who do you think is or looks more presidential?

FINE! If I have to choose, then Mitt Romney.

Why do you think Mitt Romney?

Because you made me choose. And because he is from the northeast- and we are in the northeast too.

What do you think the President should do differently with our country?

Change the economy.

What is wrong with the economy?

I guess it is running out of money.

And how do you think they can fix that?

They need to make more jobs.

How do you make more jobs?

You just add more!

How will that help?

Because people will have more money.

What about foreign policy?

What is foreign policy?

How do we make other countries like us again?

By giving up wars?

Okay- let's switch gears- are you glad the basketball strike is over?

I didn't know there was one. (Yeah- most of us didn't care)

Alright, that was pointless, back to politics-

If someone ran for president of your school or the school district, what issues would you like them to address?

I would like french fries for lunch.

Oh, and I want Zoe in my school with me, because she is so cute (even though she is also a devil).

AND I want a recess that lasts 1/4 of the day!

I think we just got Noah's platform if he were running for president of his elementary school.....

Home

2012-01-06T13:27:00.016-05:00

For the past eleven years, we have called New Jersey home. For the first four of that, we lived on base in military housing. We had some issues with the unit we were in and the military refused to fix it (termite infestation, complete with random swarms across our living room floor with a toddler that crawls on said floor) around the same time that my husband was transferred to a new squadron for four years. Knowing we had at least four more years here, we bought a house in February 2005.

If you come by my house today, it looks vastly different from the day we bought it. My husband is a very handy person and over the past seven years, we (we=mostly he, while I supervised and input my opinion) have transformed our house into a home. New Jersey is an extremely expensive state to live in- property taxes are insane. Therefore, our enlisted military pay doesn't go very far, but I am pleased with it. Other than wishing for more land, the only thing I would really change if I could (other than move it to another school district since I now officially hate ours) is I would consider selling my soul for another bathroom. One bathroom is definitely a challenge.

Since I know I like to be nosy and see other people's homes (or photos of their homes), I thought I would take you on a tour of mine.

Here is a before and after of the outside- we have a new roof, new front door, new outside lights, added window boxes and plants and fenced in the entire yard: (top picture is the day we moved in, bottom is just recently- I will have to take another picture in the spring when that sad-looking hydrangea by the door is blooming and my flower bed and window boxes are full of life)

Side note: funny thing about the yard- the corner of my property is a bus stop for several different buses and I was appalled at the fact that the kids that stand at the bus stop just walk all over my yard. Not on the edge, I don't mind that- I wouldn't want them to stand in the street- but all OVER the yard! I once caught a kid sliding down the kids' slide in the backyard and another little girl that lives down the road, used to come right up to my front door in the mornings (I usually open the main door and let the sun beam in through the storm door) and peer in at us. So, yeah, we fenced it all in.

Come inside! Here is the entryway- I don't have a before picture because it was just white walls with nothing there. We changed the door- you can't see it very well here because it is dark outside, but it has black wrought iron scrollwork in the middle. I love it!

Here it is!

Our one and only bathroom had a blue tub, toilet and sink and only one dim little light. We were unable to replace the tub (we called Bath Fitter and they can't fit over it either, they said they would have to tear it out and replace it) because it is all one big giant piece and would have to be cut out and removed. So, I covered it with a shower curtain.

He replaced the doors, flooring,mirror, sink and toilet, and added recessed lighting and a vanity light over the mirror.

Here is one view of the eat in kitchen before we moved in compared to now. We did so many things here. He replaced the sliding door with french doors (and eventually added a sunroom on to the back of the house right there), we added some cabinets because it made more sense, changed the tile, counter top, bought a gas stove and overhead microwave, added a kitchen island and painted.

The view looking the other way:

Just off the kitchen (that door you see in the above photo), you find the laundry room (and also the only room we have for any kind of storage- it had no cabinets and we had to add some to make a pantry. Half of this room is taken up by the enormous central heater/air conditioning unit.

Here is the living room, before and after. The entire house was covered in this blue carpeting. We still have it in the hall, Noah's and Zoe's rooms, but hope to eventually change it all over to the Pergo floors.

The bedroom was this lovely (NOT) shade of mustard yellow. The ceiling and inside the closet were painted that color too. As much as I hated it, we fixed everything else first and saved our room for last. We just FINALLY repainted our bedroom this past May when DJ returned from deployment. I am so glad I don't have to stare at that yellow anymore!

When we moved in, Noah was eighteen months old and the third bedroom- the smallest one- was just fine for his purposes. It was already painted blue and so we just moved his furniture right on into it. Later, when I found out I was pregnant with Zoe, we moved Noah to the bigger bedroom and painted this room for Zoe.

I don't have a "before" picture of Noah's room, because it was originally an extra bedroom with a treadmill, computer desk and all the extra "junk". Here is Noah's room now (he does not have any room for another single toy or Lego- ahem, Grandparents!)

Finally, we have the sunroom. Originally, just a patio- DJ reinforced the concrete and made it into a room!

This room is now painted a khaki color that matches the kitchen (since it is sort of an extension of the kitchen) and there is a nice patio with a table and chairs right outside these french doors. I would take a picture for you, but it is a mess right now as it is where I had the Christmas tree and we are in "we've taken down the Christmas decorations but not put them away and so there is stuff stacked everywhere) mode right now.

Here is a picture of the Christmas tree this year (you can kind of make out the color of the walls and the patio outside the door)

The house was originally 1200 sq ft and I *think* if my memory serves me correctly, this sunroom added an additional 150 sq ft. What you see is what you get at my house- we have no garage or basement. It is definitely a challenge finding somewhere to PUT everything, but we have managed to do it.

I hope you enjoyed the tour of our home.

Goodbye 2011

2011-12-28T15:26:00.003-05:00

As we soar through the final week of the year, I feel the need to look back on the past year and what all has transpired. On the heels of me posting my frustrations on being a military spouse ,(my favorite line I have ever created- "And frankly, some days I just want to kick Uncle Sam in his star-spangled nuts!") we started the year right off the bat with the deployment of my husband on January 4. Immediately, the children began to try my patience as a newly-anointed single mom.

In February, we celebrated surviving the first month of the deployment. A week later, my daughter showed she was really feeling the separation by asking me to help her write a letter to her daddy that broke my heart.

In March, Noah was playing indoor soccer and scored his first goal ever- and apparently was unmoved by it.

In April, Noah informed me he was a big kid and would no longer be calling me,"Mommy", the Easter Bunny got a fabulous surprise and we celebrated the military child.

In May, we were counting down the days until DJ returned. In the meantime, I celebrated Mother's Day by attending a tea at Zoe's school and with a pretty funny list Noah made. And then the day arrived- DJ came home!

June was pretty low-key with the kids in their last month of school. I did get a nice, random conversation with Zoe in the car one day.

In July, we shipped the kids off to the grandparental units in Texas for the first time ever; but not before I made an elaborate instruction booklet to go with Zoe. She's high-maintenance like that!

We joined the kids in Texas the end of July and attended a family reunion. Then we had a birthday party for the kids the first week of August before heading back to New Jersey. Noah managed to wreck a fence during his time there. Then, upon returning to New Jersey, I almost killed the kid in GNC.

September was full of soccer for both kids, piano for Noah and no time to blog about it.

October was the month I almost died in a corn maze. And that was BEFORE that family called 9-1-1 in the maze, y'all. This makes me think this is a real problem that should be looked into. Then, I confronted the neighborhood bullies while Noah gave his opinion on everything from the World Series to going green.

In November, Noah was being goofy at school and earned himself a trip to the ER.

In December, we took the kids to Hershey, PA. and Zoe came home with a terrible school photo..

We have had a very colorful, interesting, trying, hilarious, eventful and blessed year this year. Here is hoping next year is even better than last and that you and your family have a wonderful year as well.

The Story Behind the Cards

2011-12-20T11:56:00.006-05:00

Christmas 2007: Noah was four and Zoe was four months old. I did like any mother would do- I dressed them in nice clothing and set them up for a picture together. It turned out very nicely and I slapped it on a "fill-in-the-photo" Christmas card and sent it out to family. I imagined it would be like this every year. I had no idea this would be the last time I would ever get the two of them to cooperate with photos OR the last time Zoe ever sat still for anything.

Christmas 2007:

So, when the holiday season of 2008 rolled around, I thought, "I've got this!" But I really didn't, I found out one evening as I sat them down for the photo shoot. It became apparent to me that it wasn't going to go as I had planned, so my goal was to get one picture with the two of them in the same frame and one of them wearing a Santa hat. An hour and a half later, I wrapped the session, sent both kids to bed in tears while I was ready for an alcoholic beverage or a prescription for something relaxing. I sat down at the computer, uploaded the photos and began searching for something, ANYTHING in the rapid succession of photos that would work. I found nothing - and the whole experience was just so nerve-wracking that it zapped my Christmas spirit. I sat there "hrummph"-ing and sighing and, perhaps in a mean-spirited sort of way, I decided that I would just send the worst picture to family. They were expecting photos of the kids and I failed to deliver, so I would show them what it was really like. And I found the perfect photo to sum up the photo session. I made it into a simple card complete with a snarky sentiment, printed them out and sent them on their way.

Christmas 2008:

Everyone LOVED them!! For months, people were telling me about the chuckle they got when they opened their card and how it so accurately reflected what kids are really like- not like those cards where everyone is sitting prettily and smiling at the camera like some Stepford Family. Nu-uh, no sir, that is NOT my family!

So, the idea was born- to send out more realistic cards at Christmas. None of the following years has been quite as raw and real as the original. In fact, they have all been staged, but they have all been a hit and fun to create.

And now, to quote Paul Harvey, you know "the rest of the story." Please enjoy.

Christmas 2009- front

Christmas 2009- back

Christmas 2010

Christmas 2011

This is YOUR FAULT, DJ! (that's my husband)

2011-12-16T10:27:00.011-05:00

I have been ranting on here for as long as I have had this blog about the fact that my children don't take photos. It is a great irony that I LOVE to take photos and my kids hate to be in them. I always see everyone else's photos of their kids posing and smiling beautifully and envy them. And it isn't just me- I tried taking them to Sears and JC Penney several years ago and they would not cooperate there either. They don't even cooperate for school pictures. It is SO FRUSTRATING!

Zoe's school pictures came home yesterday. They are horrible. We got up early that morning and curled her hair. I pinned her bangs to the side in a beautiful, festive little barrette that matched her dress. She approved of her look and promised me great things before stepping on the bus. Here is the picture I took of her before she got on the bus that morning.

Her teacher said she was glad I got a picture of her before she left because she refused to look at the photographer. Yesterday, the long-awaited pictures came home. Yeah. They make you pay in advance and I am totally sending them back. They have a retake day and I am hoping for better, but if I am still not satisfied, they refund your money. I see a refund and an unhappy mom with no preschool picture in my future.

Exactly four years ago, Noah did the same thing. Same kid, same attitude. The only difference, was that Noah's happened to be funny and I purchased them anyway.

Here they are side-by-side for comparison, grins and giggles:(strangely coincidental they are both wearing red)

This is my life.

They get this from their father's side, because I am smiling in all of my photos. Here are my preschool photos for evidence:

3year old preschool

4 year old preschool

You draw your own conclusion.

Totally their father's fault.

Just Pondering

2011-12-15T08:08:00.002-05:00

I admit it. I am a Facebook addict. I probably post more than most people want to know (but thankfully have not resorted- yet- to sharing too much information. I mean, nobody cares about your bathroom habits- just sayin') Since we live so far from home, family and many friends I had growing up, it is really nice to be able to keep in touch by actually seeing pictures and posts from people. It makes me feel like I am there and experiencing it. Like, recently, when the military once again got in the way of us attending our twenty year high school reunion. I watched the posts, tags and pictures on Facebook pop up that weekend and it was almost as good as being there- seeing faces I haven't seen in twenty years.

However- there are times, when it creeps me out. I am in a bit of a conundrum and am not sure yet what I want to do about it. My son has been asking me for a Facebook page for over a year now. I won't let him have one. He has his own email address and communicates with grandparents and cousins through it. I feel this is enough for now. I don't like the idea of my eight-year-old on Facebook. I have held firm in this.

I realized that you are usually stricter with your oldest child. And that Zoe will probably have these privileges at a younger age than her brother did, but that is the plight of the older child- to be the guinea pig. Now, with that said- I am not judging anyone who has a third grader with a Facebook page. I am sure there are children in Noah's class and grade with older siblings that have these privileges and therefore they have them too. In fact I know there are. Which brings me to my problem.

A student in Noah's class sent me a message on Facebook last week just telling me who she is and that she is in Noah's class and rides his bus. I figured she was looking for Noah, so I responded and told her he did not have a Facebook page yet, but shared his email address if she wanted to contact him. I got a message back that she knew he didn't have a Facebook page and that she lives pretty close to us. That was it. And I thought we were done with it. But, Noah never got an email from her, and today, I noticed I have a friend request from her.

I am not comfortable with this. I don't want to seem like a prude, but I am uncomfortable having a "friendship" with an eight-year-old. One of my son's classmates at that. I feel it somehow blurs that adult/child boundary. Not that I have an inappropriate Facebook page. I don't post crazy pictures or use filthy language (alright, I do swear sometimes, but I try to keep it PG for the most part) but, I also feel that some things I might do and say are adult things. I mean, it's bad enough that one day I will be held responsible on some therapist's couch for screwing up my own children. I don't need the added pressure of screwing up someone else's child too.

Am I wrong? Am I a prude? I am not in any way ashamed of my actions, but I feel sometimes things I say, or my humor might be too mature for an eight-year-old's eyes.

I would like your thoughts on this.

The Return of Peppermint

2011-12-12T14:24:00.010-05:00

Last year, we received our very first visit from an Elf on the Shelf. The kids were delighted, quickly named him "Peppermint" and looked forward to finding his hiding spot every morning. On Christmas Eve, when Peppermint had to go back to the North Pole to help Santa for Christmas, the kids were sad to see him go.

The weekend after Thanksgiving this year, we went out in our sunroom to put up the Christmas tree and found Peppermint sitting out there with a note to the children. They were so happy he came back this year!

I have to say, this year, that little booger has really been getting into some mischief. I don't have a picture from every day, but here is a good summary of what has taken place so far:

Noah found him playing with his iPod Touch and DSi:

I found him in the bathroom:

One morning, he was just "hanging out" in the kitchen:

Zoe was not amused to find he had been joyriding in her Strawberry Shortcake car:

We went to Hershey, PA for the weekend, and he showed up in our hotel room :

He must have returned early from the North Pole one evening and got bored, so decided to indulge in a movie and popcorn:

He really must like the head rush that comes from hanging upside down:

One morning, he appeared in Noah's Legos:

Busted in the candy jar!

Watching Zoe sleep:

I placed an order with the Hershey Store online and when I received it, there was a mistake, they had packed a giant Hershey syrup bottle instead of a Hershey candle I ordered. I called customer service and sorted it out, but the next day, Peppermint was found on the Hershey bottle- perhaps he messed up my order?

Last night, I finished up a load of the kids' laundry, folded it and left it on the chair in the living room. I guess that was a big mistake, because this morning the kids found him on the tree after he had occupied himself by hanging their unmentionables all over the tree! Noah found this very funny, but Zoe was mortified. She instructs me to take her underwear down and put them away in her room while she was at school, because she did NOT like them there!

I can't wait to see what Peppermint comes up with next! ( I really can't wait, since I am running out of ideas and will be searching Pinterest again this evening!)

Do you have an elf? If so, what is his/her name and what sort of antics have they been into? I love hearing the names of everyone's elves. Our friends have elves named, Jingle Bell, Jerry and perhaps my favorite of all, Buzz Lightyear Henry!

Hershey Christmas

2011-12-07T08:02:00.012-05:00

This past weekend, we went to Hershey, PA. Our friends have gone every year for the past twenty years and encouraged us to go with them last year in December. Our entire family enjoyed the trip so we decided to go with them again this year. Hershey is 140 miles away, so we usually stay over night. This year, our friends' Christmas gift to us was a stay in the Hershey Lodge.

(Hershey Lodge)

We left Friday afternoon around 5 and arrived in Hershey around 7:30. The lodge is beautifully lit from the outside and we couldn't wait to get inside and see it for ourselves. As soon as the automatic doors parted, the smell of chocolate wafted through the air. Every person in our party got a free Hershey bar at check-in.

Inspection of the room revealed that the wallpaper in the bathroom was covered in Hershey Kisses. The complimentary bottles of shampoo, conditioner and moisturizer in the bathroom were cocoa-infused. They smelled like chocolate!!

The lobby was packed with people there to see the arrival of Santa, the lighting of the tree, carolers and some Hershey characters looking for photo ops with your children. The staff were all very friendly, even offering to take our camera and snap a photo of all of us with the characters.

Everyone was hungry, so we went out to eat and returned to a lobby that was significantly less-crowded. We walked around for a bit, window-shopped at the now-closed gift shop and gazed at the fire in the mammoth four-sided fireplace. The kids were starting to get cranky and it was ten o'clock, so we went upstairs to bed.

Upon arrival back in our room, we discovered that our elf, Peppermint, had followed us to Hershey!

The next morning, we had a leisurely breakfast in the hotel where you could either order off the menu or partake in the breakfast buffet. If you are so inclined, you can even order a chocolate chip omelet. (I was not inclined to do so)

Hershey Park does not open until noon, but Chocolate World (located just outside the entrance to the park) opened at ten, so we headed there first. In chocolate world, you can find any Hershey product your heart desires, purchase souvenirs, scrumptious bakery confections, have a chocolate Pepsi (Pepsi with Hershey's syrup), make your own candy bar creation and ride the Chocolate World Tour. The tour is free and takes you in a little car through a tour of how the factory works and the chocolate is made. The tour ends with, what else, free chocolate!!
(Chocolate World)

We then headed into the park where the kids anxiously lined up to see what height category they were in. Instead of using actual height requirements at the rides (i.e. "you must be 48" to ride") you find out what category you fit into when you enter the park and the rides will tell you that perhaps you have to be a Hershey bar to ride alone, but Twizzlers and above must be accompanied, etc. Noah graduated up to a Hershey Bar this year and Zoe was a Hershey Kiss! Zoe wanted to ride the rides with her brother, but I consoled her by riding the carousel with her.

We spent the entire day in the park, riding rides, playing in the arcade and just walking around. Once it was dark and the holiday lights came on in the park, we got in the line to ride the train. The line was long, but moving really quickly. The train ride took us through the park and gave us a great view of the beautiful lights. Once we exited the train, we stopped for kettle corn on the way out and then one last stop by Chocolate World for a drink and some Reese's cupcakes.

We arrived home around ten o'clock p.m. and everyone was exhausted but glad we went for a visit. I am already looking forward to next year and hope our finances provide so that we can stay at the Hershey Lodge again.

Thankful for Mermaids & Legos

2011-11-24T09:25:00.006-05:00

Noah informed us at dinner last night that he doesn't want to go to college. He thinks he will get a job working for Lego designing Lego kits. We explained to him that a degree in engineering or architecture would probably serve him well in his job prospects.

Not wanting to leave Zoe out of this conversation, we asked her if she was going to college.

"What's caw-lege?", she asked.

"It is where you go to school to learn your job when you grow up.", I replied.

DJ then asked her what she wanted to be as an adult.

Without even a moment's hesitation, she answered, "A mermaid!".

"Oh that is GREAT, Zoe! In order to be a mermaid, you will need a degree in marine biology."

That's me. I'm quick and calculating. And apparently a little controlling. But, I am setting the career path for a future marine biologist, because she thinks she needs that degree in order to be a mermaid.

In our defense, we did point out she would also need to learn to swim. Because life skills are important as well.

And now onto Thanksgiving:

I asked our little engineer and marine biologist what they were thankful for and here is their response:

NOAH: Legos, a family that loves me, muffins (can you tell what we had for breakfast?) and a good, cozy house.

ZOE: a good comfy house (copycat), a blue flag (???), Barbies, a brother, a daddy, a mommy and a Lindy (the dog).

Happy Thanksgiving from the Chaos Family!!

May your day be filled with muffins, Legos, cozy homes, family and a blue flag.

Sappho, Casanova, Byron, Shelley and Then There's Noah

2011-11-22T07:08:00.010-05:00

A letter to Noah's Future Beloved:

Dear Future Beloved of Noah:

I apologize. It is NOT my fault. He was always this way.

Signed,

Your Future Mother-in-Law

I compare Noah to Sheldon on the Big Bang Theory a lot. But, before there was Sheldon and the Big Bang Theory, I had already made a connection between him and Alex P. Keaton from Family Ties. That analogy came screaming back to me on Monday as Noah and I were talking during the car ride home from school. (Note: his teacher is engaged to an Army officer currently stationed in Georgia and has plans to get married this December)

NOAH: Miss ______ left early today because she was taking a little trip to see Mister ________.

ME: Oh really?

NOAH: Yeah. She flies to see him every weekend. Can you believe that?

ME: I know! Can you imagine how exhausted she must be every Monday morning at school after that trip?

NOAH: Umm... yeah. AND BROKE! That must cost a lot of money!!

ME: Well when you are in love you do extraordinary things. It is worth it if you really love someone.

NOAH: Umm.... I'm thinking, NO. I would NOT spend money for THAT!

(to be fair- it is Book Fair week and he came home with a wish list totaling $70. I gave him the money to buy an $8 novel but he really wanted some $22 Lego book. I made him pay for that himself. I am sure his purse strings were still hurting from having to pay for that book. )

Fall 2011

2011-11-14T11:44:00.010-05:00

So, every year, I get all, "Texas just doesn't have fall like this and I LOVE New Jersey in the fall..." blah blah blah... so this year, I am going to shut my pie hole and just SHOW you using pictures I have taken over the past few years of fall in New Jersey.

Enjoy!

Special One Question Edition of Ask Noah

2011-11-13T15:36:00.004-05:00

Conversation just now in our living room after a promotional commercial for a television show:

NOAH: WHAT DID THEY SAY???

(which leads us to...)

Q: What do you think about the Duggars having another baby? That will make twenty kids!

I think that is just CRAZY! That is TOO. MANY. KIDS. I mean, if *I* had that many kids, I would have to start throwing them into shelters.

Noah- they are children, not kittens!

Yeah? Well someone needs to tell HER that!

Ummm.. yeah. We might need to work on basic morality with him. I hope he doesn't just throw DJ and I into a shelter when we are old and need care.

The Falsie Story

2011-11-11T17:18:00.004-05:00

I had a flashback while getting dressed this morning. And it reminded me of why you should always think about what you tell your children even if you think you are protecting/censoring them.

I had a goofy "aunt" growing up. I placed quotation marks around aunt because she was actually a cousin of some sort- my grandfather's first cousin- and we were not up on the family tree jargon of third cousin, first cousin twice removed, third cousin once removed, tree branching or not branching.. I dunno.. but she was related, a part of our family and older and I was told to call her "aunt". So... I had a goofy aunt that was always telling hilarious stories and making the adults laugh. I somehow sensed this and always wanted to be around to hear her stories.

One day, she was relaying a story to my mom and grandmother and I walked in on the end of it. Just in time to hear, "...and one of my falsies popped out of my bathing suit." Everyone erupted in laughter, including me. But I had no idea what a "falsie" was. So, being the inquisitive child, I asked. And one of the adults answered, "false eyelashes." I accepted that-although didn't see what was so funny about a false eyelash floating around a pool, but adults found odd things funny- and moved on.

No one ever corrected this and at some point, obviously, I learned what a falsie really was. The story became so much funnier once I knew. But my point is- even now, at thirty-eight years old, when I see false eyelashes, the term "falsie" immediately pops in my brain and then my brain immediately corrects that thought. But that association is hard-wired in there for life.

Perhaps it isn't such a bad thing after all, though, because it also always makes me giggle, remember that story and remember my aunt who died when I was a teenager. And, on this day, not only did I look down at my fake eyelashes, remember this story and my aunt, but also made the connection that perhaps that is where I get it from-my willingness to lay everything out there for the world to see, just for a laugh.

Thank you, Aunt Jettie. I am sure you would love to know I inherited your self-deprecating sense of humor.

Ask Noah- Second Edition

2011-11-09T21:28:00.003-05:00

Q: For almost as long as there have been humans there has been war and conflict. Do you think war will ever go away?

Yes, but we have to fight against war and everyone must have freedom. But I can't really predict the future. We have to work together will everyone and make the bad people that start wars better people. Then we can all get along.

Q: What do you think about McDonald's bringing back the McRib?

Yeah- I don't know how to answer that. I don't like that.

Q: What's better, cats or dogs?

That is a matter of opinion. Maybe somebody in Asia or Europe likes cats, but I like dogs.

Q: Why does your elementary school rock?

First we have a lot of fundraisers and we get money from the military. I like the way people treat others at my school. But, I really don't know if my school is the best, because I haven't ever been to another elementary school... so how would I compare?

Q:How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?

Well, it's almost impossible to tell that. Because, if a baby eats it, it will probably take forty or something. But, if a kid eats it, it would be less. If a grown up eats it, it would probably be ten licks and you are in the center.

Q: Are you wishing for a snowy winter? Why or why not?

YEAH! It means no school!

Yes, but it means you have to add days to the end of the year.

I don't care- it is worth it to play in the snow, build snow forts and have fun!

So, are you going to help me shovel it all this year?

I will help a little, but you know I can't shovel very much. My arms are not very strong. They aren't strong enough to push through snow.

**Methinks I won't be able to count on Noah for help shoveling snow**

Candy Conundrum

2011-11-05T20:37:00.007-04:00

Have y'all seen the Jimmy Kimmel video where he challenged parents to tell their children they ate all their Halloween candy and then post the results on YouTube? If you haven't, it is hilarious and you can view it here.

I saw it on Facebook the other day and thought it was hilarious! And immediately decided it was something I must do to my children. So- I did. And here is the result- not quite as funny, but as usual, Noah reacts the opposite of how I think he will.

If Curiosity Killed the Cat, What Did Goofiness Do to the Boy?

2011-11-04T08:23:00.009-04:00

"Hello?"

"Hi, Mrs. _____? This is the school nurse. Noah hit his head and has a small cut, but it is something I would like a doctor to look at. Can you come get him?"

"Sure, I am on my way."

My son is goofy. Sometimes too goofy. And on some days- to a fault. On the ten minute drive to the school, I was pondering how this happened. He had gym today- was it in gym? But a quick glance at the clock affirmed that it was not yet time for gym and he was probably at lunch. So I envisioned some sort of playground accident. I was wrong.

I am relaying this story based on the testimony of several different people, but putting their stories together and knowing my son, here is how I believe it went down:

The class was lining up to go to lunch and Noah happens to be line leader this week. Being his usual goofy self, as he made his way to the front of the line, he was walking backwards, looking at his classmates and saying, " Look at ME! I'm the LINE LEADER!". And then His Royal Leadership tripped over the basket that holds all the lunch boxes and hit his head on the brick wall. Yeah- I laughed at this too- even while standing in the nurse's office, holding an ice pack on my son's bleeding head. Because it is SO Noah!! You should go ahead and submit my name for Mother of the Year right now.. I will wait.

Now let me flash back to thirty-two years ago for a moment. I was in first grade and since Kindergarten was a half day at the time, it was our first year of full-day school and we had nap time in the afternoons. Now, as a class, we knew the routine. We came in from lunch and stopped at the bathrooms. We were allowed in a few at at time while the teacher stood outside and monitored the behavior and as we were finished, we were to walk down to our classroom, get our mats out and get ready for nap time. I had also recently acquired a most awesome pair of green sunglasses that I had managed to smuggle to school that morning to show off. In the absence of my teacher, I pulled out the sunglasses, put them on my head and began to dance and sing, "You Ain't Nothing But a Hound Dog".

Of course at that exact moment, my teacher walked in and immediately banished me to the corner. The problem was, our classroom was really one big giant room divided with a partition into two classrooms. She put me in the corner with the partition- right where it met the wall. I could see into the other classroom and there was someone lying on their mat right there just inches from where I was standing. So, I started chatting with him/her ( I just don't remember which). I got in trouble again and was moved to the real corner- where I struck up a conversation with whatever class mate was lying over near me. I wound up in the hallway, grabbing my ankles while I got my first paddling.

Now we will move forward a little bit to my freshman year of high school. You know when you are a freshman, you just want to blend in and not draw attention to yourself. Our high school was odd in that the majority of the building was built into a little hill and the lobby and gymnasium were sunken a little bit. It was all connected, but in order to go from the lobby into any of the three hallways, you had to go up about 7 or 8 stairs. So, one of my friends and I were walking UP the stairs into A-Hall and halfway up, I was struck with the urge to do a little jig just because I was goofy. And I fell, UP the stairs and books scattered everywhere! My friend walked off and left me and pretended she didn't know me. Upperclassmen laughed, but didn't help me and I was humiliated.

Next we will move to 2005. Noah was two years old and I had just lost all of my baby weight and was feeling fabulously cute again. It was spring and espadrilles were all the rage. I had gone shopping and purchased a cute top, capris and matching espadrilles. I was feeling wonderful. I got myself dressed, got Noah dressed and off we went to playgroup where I was certain everyone would notice how much weight I had lost. I opened the door and Noah started weaving around my feet like a cat and I made a GRAND entrance.. but not the wanted I had wanted to make. I opened the door and then literally fell INTO playgroup. They noticed me alright.

My point is that he comes by it honestly. I hope he learns to contain himself long before I ever did (actually I never did learn). Or else, I dread the impending injuries and awkward teen years.

And, for the record, he is fine. He was entertaining the ER staff- for example when the nurse asked him how it happened, he said, "Let's see..... A Thousand Ways to Bump Your Head- by Noah". So- yeah- his mental faculties were in check and he was still trying to be the entertainer. They cleaned the cut and determined it did not need stitches, put Neosporin on it and sent us on our way. He does, however, want me to show off his wound so that it doesn't seem like he was a exaggerating.

Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop- FAQ's

2011-11-03T11:47:00.005-04:00

I have not been blogging regularly nor have I participated in Mama Kat's Workshop in some time. Every week, I get the prompts in my email and can't come up with anything. This week, I told myself, no matter what, I was going to pick a prompt and write something.

I got the list on Monday and one of the choices was to write a FAQ about yourself. I liked this idea, but as usual, time got away from me and I didn't write it. I was so disappointed in myself this morning, so while I was sitting in the waiting room for an appointment this morning, I jotted down some questions on a receipt. After the appointment, I had to drop some papers off at my son's school and afterwards, I decided to make my first ever Vlog (video blog) right there in the parking lot of his school. I knew if I didn't do it then, I wouldn't do it at all.

Things I learned from my vlog- I make weird faces when I speak, I repeat myself a lot, I have nothing interesting to say, there is a reason why I WRITE- so that I can sort my thoughts- I am not good off-the-cuff.

So.. here ya go.. my first ever vlog and a FAQ about myself:

This post is inspired by Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop. Prompt#2: Create an FAQ page about yourself.

First Edition of "Ask Noah"

2011-10-30T20:01:00.004-04:00

I had this idea, since my eight-year-old thinks he knows more than most adults (and he might in some cases) to ask him about world issues from time to time. I was going to call it "Ask the Eight-Year-Old" but I would have to change the title of the series every time he has a birthday. Hence, "Ask Noah" was born. I will also try an "Ask Zoe" but I am not sure how that will got since she can barely sit in one place long enough to go potty (She's four). Additionally, if you have any question you would like me to present to either of them, please send them to me and, as long as they are appropriate, I will pass them along. Buckle in, here we go...

1. The Texas Rangers were one strike away from winning the World Series in game 6, but choked and let the Cardinals win that game and ultimately the whole series. What do you think they could have done better?

Umm.. they could have WON!

2.Do y'all ever talk about current events at school? If so, what is something you have recently discussed?

Yes, we get Time Magazine for Kids. This week, we discussed the top 5 places to spend Halloween, diseases in bats and floods in Thailand.

What do you think about the floods in Thailand?

I think we need to build them more flood walls and see if that will help. They will have to give the people that have lost their homes shelter and help them build new homes. I feel very sad for the families- maybe there is an eight-year-old boy over like me whose family has lost their home.

3.**While looking at the copy of this week's "Time for Kids" he has fished out of his backpack: What do you think about this article suggesting schools should require students to pack eco-friendly lunches with less disposable waste?

I think yes and no. Yes because it will get rid of all the waste and we could keep our land beautiful and nice. No, because parents shouldn't have to spend money on reusable plastic containers if they can't afford them. Those things are sort of expensive.

You already have a reusable lunchbox and sandwich container, would you like to convert to completely eco-friendly and take a reusable water bottle and keep everything baggie-free?

Well, yes. But, sometimes I really want some chocolate milk or a juice box. So.. maybe.. no?

4. Recently, a woman got on a bus in Brooklyn run by an Orthodox Jewish bus company. Because of the beliefs of the Orthodox Jews, the bus is segregated and the women must sit in the back. They open the bus up to the public though and a woman that was not a believer got on the bus and was told she needed to move to the back. When she refused, the driver refused to drive until she moved to the back. What do you think about that?

Wow- I did not know that. That is like Rosa Parks all over again. We have different beliefs than others, but if they are going to let people with different beliefs on their bus, they need to let them sit where they want. If I got on a bus and was told I couldn't sit where I wanted, I would punch the driver.

And now, just because I felt I had to include her- a question for Zoe:

Zoe, what happened to Baby Lisa?

Did she used to be in my room? Is that the little girl with the red on? I think she's in my closet. I need to find her.

Frustrating Waste of Time #853,782

2011-10-27T23:25:00.006-04:00

While getting Zoe ready for school yesterday morning, she decided to throw me a curve ball. Instead of the usual requests for her hair, she ran to her room and brought me back this picture:

I studied it, gathered hair bands, bobby pins and hairspray and went to work. This was the result:

I was very proud of myself, but she reached back to feel it and was unsure. I snapped the above photo with my phone so that she could see what it looked like and, certain that she would love it, I handed her my phone. She took one look and burst into tears.

"Everyone will laugh at me!!!", she wailed. I tried to dissect the photo and explain how it looked exactly like the picture she brought me. I told her ballerinas wore their hair like that. But she was having none of it.

I disassembled all the bobby pins, brushed out the hairspray and then I put it in a ponytail, braided it and left it hanging down her back. She was satisfied.

And I was exhausted- all before 9am.

The Neighborhood Bullies

2011-10-26T12:10:00.006-04:00

They only come out at certain times. They travel in packs and sit outside your house and taunt you. Fed up, you run them off and as soon as you close the blinds, they come right back. They hold you prisoner in your home. When you step out, they threaten to encircle you and take you down. You fend them off with a big stick, but they can easily overwhelm you.

Most days, you carry on, ignoring them and not letting them get to you, but there are the days they break your spirit. You see them outside your door, taunting you with their very presence, and you feel defeated. You want to shut the door and the blinds and settle in on the couch with a hot cup of tea (or a toddy) and let them win.

But the reality is- no one will do the hard work but you. You must be the one to make them go away. It's time to put on your big girl pants, grab the big stick and go out and confront them head-on.

IT'S TIME TO RAKE THE LEAVES!!

(Noah-15 months)

(spring leaf cleanup-Spring 2011)

Guest Post- "Chaos at Camp"

2011-10-22T17:08:00.004-04:00

I am very excited to announce that I have a guest-poster today. I can't really call him a "guest blogger" because he isn't a blogger. The person I am referring to is my eight-year-old son, Noah.

Noah's homework the other day was to write a paragraph including his "no excuse" words for the week- children, form, until, food, important, keep and going. Noah wrote a story. It came home in his folder Friday with "Wow! I love this!" and "You're a great writer!" written on it. This is a big deal, because Noah rarely applies himself. He always just does the bare minimum required of him to get by, so to go above and beyond and to be recognized for it is a big deal.

We wanted to encourage him, so we said we would scan it and send it to our family members and I told him I would put it on my blog. As much as I am itching to correct some things.. I won't. I will type this exactly as he wrote it- grammar, syntax, spelling errors and all. For an eight-year-old, I still think he did a wonderful job!

Chaos at Camp

The children at camp had to fill out a form to not be kicked out of camp. One kid thought that if you do not sign the form and you get kicked out of camp that you actually physically get kicked. He started to bawl saying unclearly, "I-I do-on't want t-to get kicke-ed." Mr. Mos the camp leader stared at the kid on the floor for a few seconds, then he called his mom. The kid cried until he saw his mom, the kid's name was Gorge. Gorge yelled "Mommy!" Gorge's mom said that if he keeps crying he will not have fast food. Mr. Mos looked at her with joy for making Gorge stop crying. After a few seconds Mr. Mos returned to what he was doing. Gorge heard Mr. Mos saying, "Welcome to survival class you all know why survival is important." Gorge told his mom "I no keep crying... I'm not going to continue." And he returned to his group.

I was impressed with his sentence structure, his use of complex sentences and most of all, with how he simulated Gorge's crying by typing out the quote as if her were stuttering." Perhaps I am just a proud momma, but it is my blog and I can show him off if I want to. ;-)

The Day I Faced Death While My Husband Sat Idly by and Ate Doughnuts

2011-10-11T12:41:00.004-04:00

If you didn't already know that I am an extremely strong person after reading my fish story, you can read on here about how my children and I spat in the face of death. We rock!

The day started like any other. It was a Sunday and everyone was being lazy-moving slowly. My husband casually mentioned we should go to the local farm for apple cider doughnuts and possibly pick out a pumpkin.

We got dressed, drove to the farm, purchased the doughnuts and sat at a picnic table beneath a nice shade tree and ate one doughnut each. The kids were eyeing the corn maze and I walked over to see how much it cost to go through. The cost was ridiculous, so we decided that we would buy tickets for both kids and only one adult and the other could stay outside. My husband suggested I should take them through. I agreed.

We have been through corn mazes at other farms before and they are all set up a little differently. One farm offers a map of the corn maze and different things you must locate and check off your list while going through the maze. Another was a bit of a challenge, but there was a small platform in the middle where you can climb up, overlook the maze and either map your strategy out or call out instructions to people in the maze. Since this maze had neither a map nor viewing platform, I thought it must be pretty rudimentary. It is, after all, for CHILDREN.

The kids and I entered the maze and it seemed pretty simple at first. We quickly navigated winding paths throughout the corn stalks. All the paths were pretty straightforward. Occasionally we would come to an intersection, but the choices were always either a very clear path forward or a dead end you could see just twenty feet in front of you.

About five minutes in, we hit an unexpected dead end at the end of a rather lengthy, winding path. We laughed, backtracked and hit another dead end. We scratched our heads and went another way that circled around and brought us back to the exact same spot. So we started tracking our way back out the way we came and hit yet another dead end. It was at about the fifteen minute mark that my husband texted me, "What? Did you get lost?"

I responded that I thought perhaps we WERE lost and got no response. The kids and I began just randomly walking around trying to find new paths and kept hitting dead ends. Zoe decided she was thirsty and I regretted not bringing the bottle of water in with us. The sun was beating down on us and I started to get concerned.

I texted my husband again- "You would think they would give us a map if it is this hard." He responded with, "At least you are getting your money's worth." I was unhappy with this response. I expected him to find someone to come get us. Call 911- something. People are dying in the maze!

Noah decided he had to pee and refused to pee on a corn stalk. Zoe began to whine that she was hot, tired, and "This is the WORST FARM EVER!".

As we walked down another path that came to a dead end, we passed a pair of adult men's boxer briefs lying in the path. We giggled, nicknamed it the "underwear path" and used it as navigation. We passed the underwear at least three more times in our travels. It occurred to me that perhaps someone who had gone before us had been lost as well and maybe they went into survival mode and used their own underwear to mark the path. Were we going to come across their remains at any moment?

The sun was high over the maze and beating down on us. We were pouring sweat, tired and thirsty. Every two minutes or so, we could hear the happy sounds coming from families rolling by the outside of the maze on the hayride out to the pumpkin patch. How ironic that such gaiety was going on outside while people were perishing just a few feet from them, out of their eye sight. What a tragic human plight. I began thinking about my husband with his ice cold bottle of water and bag of doughnuts. WHY WASN'T HE RESCUING US? WHERE WAS HE?

I was appalled that no one was concerned about our time spent in that maze. At this point, we had been in there for THREE AND A HALF.. umm.. tens of minutes. I continued to hear the jolly sounds of the people on the outside and wondered if a search party would be coming for us soon. And if they would make it to us before it was too late.

We continued to traipse up and down pathway after pathway only to run into more dead ends. I could tell by the landmarks I was seeing above the corn stalks that we had been to every corner of the field. WHAT KIND OF AUTUMNAL HELL WERE WE IN?

Finally, as we hit yet another dead end, I looked up to see the top of the farmhouse. This alerted me that we were back at the front of the field of corn and that freedom, the shop, my husband, WATER AND DOUGHNUTS were right in front of us.

I made a desperate decision. I realized if I didn't get us out of there soon, my husband, in his doughnut-eating stupor, would never miss us and they would find our bones when they cleared the field in the spring. So, I took a deep breath and said, "Kids, grab hands, we're going off- path!" They grabbed hands and we shimmied, squeezed and traipsed between rows and stalks of corn far from any path until we finally emerged into the open air, dazed and dehydrated; covered in sweat, dust and dirt like a castaway family finally returning to civilization. I dropped to my knees and pulled all the sticker burrs off of Zoe's pants. I turned and glanced one last time at the maze that was my family's personal hell for dozens of minutes! Knowing we had stared death in the face and laughed, we walked forward- on to the picnic area.

My husband was sitting in the shade, smiled and said, " How was the corn maze? "

He will never know the terror we endured out there.

**Edited to add: this blog was written the day before the news story about the family that got lost in the maze in Massachusetts and called 9-1-1. It was a quirky accident that I posted this before that happened and also a nice (for me) reminder that I am not the only one to get stuck in a corn maze. The day after I posted this, I had about four people post that news story on my Facebook page. Who knew?

Once a Band Nerd.....

2011-10-07T12:38:00.004-04:00

Let me preface this post by saying that I was raised in the south where high school and college football is almost a religion. I know the rules, terminology, and logistics of most sports (excluding basketball, because, let's face it.. I just don't care about that one). But sometimes, that which runs through my very veins- the band nerd in me- trips me up a little.

I joined band in 5th grade- I played in the band all the way up through high school, also serving as a majorette and eventually as replacement drum major halfway through football season my senior year. I was in band in college and majored in music for two years before switching my major. Even after switching my major, my scholarship was contingent on my being in symphonic band and taking flute lessons (which obligated me to flute choir and flute class). I was in the band service sorority- and even served in the offices of historian, vice president and president. My junior year, I was elected by the band to represent them on the homecoming court. So, yeah.. "band nerd" could perhaps be an understatement. I was "supreme band nerd-ette". After I graduated, while I was still in Texas, I was still teaching flute lessons and judging high school twirling try-outs. Once I moved from Texas, I was out of commission for awhile. In 2005, missing my band nerdiness, I googled "community band" and discovered one right here close to where I live and joined. I briefly served on their executive board until I had to resign because DJ's crazy schedule was making me an unreliable member. My point... still a band nerd.

Now, my husband is not a musician at all. He played soccer all the way through college. He loves to point out my nerdiness and lately, it has come out several times in my children's sports. Like the dozens of times I have mistakenly informed my son to, "Hurry, up, or you will be late for REHEARSAL." and they always remind me.. " it is PRACTICE, NOT REHEARSAL!" Yeah.. I get it. Fine.

Then, a few weeks ago, while sitting at a game, the ref blew the whistle for half time. And one of the other moms looked confused and said, "Is it over?" and I replied, "No, it's intermission. Uh.. I mean half time." **blush** Yeah, I really did that.

While unrelated to the kids's sports, I also have been having a hard time at Zumba because the steps start on the right foot. My instinct is to march on my left foot and always step with my left foot first. This makes me angry because I am a perfectionist and I want to get the steps right. So when I go left and everyone else goes right.. it upsets me greatly.

Last week, while at Noah's game-in my head, I wanted to say that I should put Noah in a soccer clinic or camp to see if we can improve his skills; but what actually came flying out of my mouth was "master class". My husband looked at me, I corrected myself and we moved on.

The moral of the story: You can take the girl out of the band, but....

Oh HEY!

What is the football team doing on the marching field?

What's Up- the Moody Blues Edition

2011-09-18T15:07:00.004-04:00

Right- so I used to blog regularly. I love to write. Really I do. But, lately, it has fallen by the wayside-along with everything else. I feel the need to explain what is going on- although you may not care. So, if this particular post is just for me, then that is fine, because that was all I intended it to be anyway.

When DJ and I first got married, he was in a maintenance squadron overseas. Maintenance entails shift work and crazy hours because the aircraft is the priority. He was a maintainer in a Special Ops squadron which also meant frequent, no-notice (well, okay- oftentimes it was like 8-10 hours notice) deployments to unspecified places for unspecified amounts of time. That was my initiation to the world of a military spouse. Living overseas, off-base, with an often-absent husband. It was an adjustment, but we did it. The thing was- when he worked, he worked hard and often, but when he was off- he was off to spend time with his family (just me at the time as we had no kids). We managed to squeeze in trips to Paris, all over the United Kingdom and a week-long tour of Italy. It really wasn't a bad gig. Yes, he worked the swing shift (3pm- 11pm) but it was only 8 hour shifts- he had plenty of time to rest and still hang out with me- even with me working quite a bit. They had to cover the weekends, but had it set up so that he only had to work one weekend a month.

When we moved to New Jersey, the first squadron he was assigned to was a special duty. He was no longer working on aircraft, but was working in a unit that goes where there is trouble in the world. When someone has an earthquake/tsunami/ flood/hurricane or any natural or man-made disaster- they were there to facilitate relief efforts. This included US as well as international locations. After September 11, 2001- they deployed often. As in, he was gone just short of 300 days total in 2002. When they worked- they worked hard. But, this squadron recognized that when they were home, they weren't home for long and allowed them to spend time with their families. They would often release them on Fridays at noon if it was a beautiful day or on the eve of a holiday weekend. So- again- parts of it sucked- but when he was home, he as able to spend time with us before he left again.

After this assignment- in March 2004- he moved to another special duty as an instructor. There was rarely any getting off early, but he had the closest thing to a civilian job he will probably ever have in the military. He worked Monday- Friday 7:30-4:30, weekends and holidays off with minimal TDY's (temporary duty for you non-military folks). It was a good gig. We had a good six year run with that one.

All good things must come to an end and in March 2010- he was assigned back into the maintenance world. If you look back through my post history- everything began to unravel at that point. They work 12 hour shifts- 7pm- 7am or vice versa. If you are on the night shift, you NEVER get off at 7am because all the normal things you must take care of- like finance, doctors appointments, any administrative stuff must be done during their normal hours (7:30-4:30) so you have to stay over past your shift to get it done. When DJ was on nights, he most often came home around 10-10:30am but also came home plenty of times around noon. Just to go to bed for a few hours, get up and go back to work. He was exhausted and cranky. When he was on dayshift- it was better, but he still rarely only worked 12 hours. And oftentimes, he had to go in on his day(s) off if even for just an hour or two.

Then, last January, he deployed. Granted, because of his work schedule, not a whole lot changed- we weren't seeing him much as it was, but the kids did take it hard and it was a long winter with a lot of snow-shoveling by my lonesome self. He came back in May with the promise of getting a new position where he would work Monday- Friday dayshift until further notice. He leaves every day at 5:30am and is home most days around 6:30pm but it is not uncommon for him to come home between 7-8pm. He is stressed, tired, and cranky when he gets here. All of the perks enjoyed by the "nonners" (military lingo for non-maintenance world) like days off for scoring a 90 or higher on your physical do not apply to his world. This "day job" does allow him Fridays and Saturdays off with us, but he has been tasked for several TDY's at last minute that cause him to miss even those with us. They have told him at work it is just a matter of time before he goes back to shift. That means- same long, crazy hours, but nights and weekends too. Still stressed and cranky when he comes home, still missing everything the kids do. Still going in on his "days off". I try to plan around his his schedule, but EVERY. SINGLE. TIME I plan something based on it, he either has to work late, work a day off or go TDY. I am not exaggerating this- EVERY TIME I have planned something around his schedule- I have had to change or cancel it because he has to go somewhere. Seriously.. EVERY TIME. What it has come down to, is that after the fall activities are over with, the kids will no longer get to be in extra curricular activities, and I will no longer get to participate in anything outside of the kids and their schools. I can't do it. I am trying to honor my commitments now and am failing miserably. Why put that stress on myself any longer?

My point is- our world has drastically changed. I am- for all intents and purposes- a single mom. He is not around to help with anything. During my battle with the school district that started last May when they informed me that my daughter would not only not get to go to preschool at her brother's school, but that they would not allow her to go to his school at all, ever. I listed this as a hardship. I explained that it the responsibility of parent-teacher conferences, back to school nights and every other school obligation falls solely on my shoulders and having to get to two different schools, with start and end times an hour and a half apart, makes my life extremely difficult. In some cases, I just can't do it. My concerns have fallen on deaf ears time and time again.

I tell you all this to now point out that in my previous life (BEFORE March 2010) I liked to craft and scrapbook. I played flute in a local community band and enjoyed it very much. I also enjoyed pouring my efforts into Halloween every year and my kids' Halloween costumes. Having the contest-winning costume was kinda my thing. I also took pride in throwing some pretty magnificent parties for my kids. (Circus, Circus Outfit, More Circus, The Lego cake, and my personal favorite-the Ice Cream Social) I LOVED that sort of thing. And lastly, I have always loved to write and enjoyed chronicling my kids' lives and adventures through creative writing. (Don't forget this one).

But, I have not scrapbooked a page since Fall 2009. Two years ago was the last time I made a Halloween costume and last year was the last time I orchestrated the idea and had them made by someone else. This year, I- GASP- bought their costumes. June and August 2010 was the last time I threw a party for my kids. This year, I went to Party City and bought minimal supplies and had the party at my Dad's house in Texas. It was still a hit with the kids because he has a pool, so they had a blast. However- I have lost the desire to create. I cannot tell you the last time I blogged regularly, or creatively.

We are in survival mode here. I feel that we are just barely keeping our head about water. I know it is just one of those hurdles you get through as a family and one day it won't seem so big. But I am war-torn and weary and frankly, I am just treading water, barely hanging on. I get the kids where they need to be, I participate in what school activities I can, I keep the kids fed and make sure homework is done and piano is practiced. I am surviving and that is all.

I appreciate if you still read my blog, but if you have moved on and given up on me, I completely understand. I cannot promise anything exciting in the future. In fact, I cannot promise anything at all. I will blog if the mood and inspiration strike me, but let's face it-it hasn't in a really long time and I don't see it happening anytime soon.

Thank you for reading. I am closing comments because this is not about me fishing for sympathy, support, advice or comments. Frankly, I am tired of all the Pollyanna comments I get sometimes about how I should be thankful and I need to realize how blessed I am. Because, right now I am barely surviving. I have tried to put a smile on and force myself to do things I like, but I find no joy in it.

Tight Schedules

2011-09-09T14:09:00.002-04:00

When I got an iPhone recently, I gave my iPod Touch to Noah. Since that moment, he has been in love with it!

Last night, I picked it up off the end table and flipped it on to see if it needed to be charged. There was a note that Noah has opened and started but not finished. That caused me to look at his other notes- and laugh hysterically. It also gives you insight into the tight schedule Noah keeps during his summer vacation.

Here is the content of a couple of the notes he has written and saved:

August 22-

Play Legos

iPod Touch

watch TV

run erens (errands)

ask to play with Logan

August 24-

Pet Lindy (the dog)

iPod Touch

ask to play with Logan

August 25- (I need to give you a little background on what actually was going on that day for you to understand this- that day, Noah had a soccer practice scheduled and another parents was going to bring him to me after practice at Zoe's soccer parent meeting scheduled at the same time. After we were all done with Zoe's parent meeting, we were supposed to drive straight over to the high school to meet DJ where the school board meeting was going on. This was also a Thursday night and when preparations were beginning to be made for Hurricane Irene which was expected to hit our area Saturday evening/Sunday morning)

Watch Irene (on the Weather Channel, perhaps?)

play dsi xl

iPod Touch

lay down ( I LOVE that he scheduled a nap)

6:00pm- soccer canceled (his)

Team 7, time-? ( we must have been in the parent meeting at this point because that is Zoe's team number and her team didn't have a coach or time for practice yet)

Bord (board) meeting. (I think he is taking dictation now and we have arrived at the school board meeting)

I am going to play Legos.

Irene comes on Sunday.

Zoe draws a picture.

School starts on September 7- 2011-2012 (he was LISTENING at the board meeting!).

Hope school is easy.

I am bord (bored).

The high school is nice.

Lego set- built Qidich (Quidditch) match!

Dad is speaking.

Finally too!

This may not be funny to you if you do not already know Noah. But, just seeing how his mind works, how he alternately took dictation of his day and scheduled his activities is so amusing to me.

I also realized that if ever I question what exactly happened or was said at some point during a day- I might should check Noah's notes. The answer is probably there.

Feelin' Hot Hot Hot

2011-08-23T14:26:00.003-04:00

"Welcome to GNC, my name is Nick. Is there something I can help you with?"

"Yes, hi, Nick. I was wondering if you have something for hormonal imbalance."

"As a matter of fact we do. Do you mind telling me what is going on? What kind of symptoms are you having?"

"Mostly, I am having hot flashes. My doctor told me I was most likely in perimenopause and that he doesn't like to treat that with hormones. He suggested I look into natural remedies for relief from my symptoms."

"Ahh, yes. We have this product right here that is specifically for menopause that includes fish oil for cholesterol and heart health, a multivitamin helping to retain bone density and some herbs that help with the hot flashes. Are you having any mood alterations?"

"No. Other than I'm hot. And I'm really pissed off about it."

"Ahh.. okay. Well, this should do it. It is on sale right now and very reasonably priced."

**I decide to go with it and we proceed to the register so that I may pay for the item**

Nick again- " I really think you will be pleased with this. It will take a few days before you start seeing results, but it really does work. I took this home to my mother (!!!) and it just knocked her symptoms right out!"

**AWKWARD PAUSE**

"Okay, Nick. Thanks. Oh, and do you perhaps have some St John's Wort? Because NOW I'm depressed."

Identity Crisis- A Reference for My Daughter's Future Therapist

2011-08-18T23:46:00.009-04:00

If you read THIS post, then you know that I color my hair. I was a dark brunette up until Zoe was about six months old and I decided to go red. I have been a redhead ever since. That is, until July. We sent the kids to Texas to visit the grandparents and I decided I was tired of the same look I've had for the past four years, so I decided to go back to the dark side.

A few days before we headed to Texas to pick the kids up, it occurred to me that they didn't know that I had changed my hair color and I sent a picture so that they could be properly prepared. I expected Noah to have trouble with it, because he doesn't handle change well, but I was not expecting Zoe's reaction.

My mother showed them the picture of me and they both immediately complained they did not like it. When I arrived in Texas, they told me again that they were unhappy with my choice. But, Zoe wouldn't let it go.

The third day in Texas, Zoe came up to me and said, "Mommy? Is my hair turning black like yours?" It didn't occur to me that she might not understand the process and associate my hair color change with her own hair. She has red hair, so somehow she thought hers might change colors too. She checked in the mirror several times and required my assurance that her hair would not turn black.

At some point, I explained to her that I dyed my hair and she still did not understand. So I told her I "colored" it. She asked me later that same day when I was going to "paint" it back to red.

Now, here we are three months later and Zoe is still having an identity crisis. She still checks every now and again to make sure her hair isn't turning black. She still asks me when I am going to paint my hair back to red and now she has stepped up her lobbying efforts. She keeps coming home with artwork like this:

When asked to explain everything she always points to the others (always minus hair) and names them as Daddy, Noah or herself. Then she always points to the one with the mop of red crayon on top and says, "And that is Mommy, with her beautiful red hair!"

I wonder what she would do if I went Sinead O'Connor and shaved it all off?

How have you managed to screw up your kids?

Don't Fence Me In

2011-08-14T23:35:00.006-04:00

The East Texas sun was high in the sky when he stepped out of the house. Noah had been sleeping well past any respectable time to wake up and when he finally rolled out of bed, he found the house empty. He decided to investigate further and stepped out the front door into the blinding sunlight and heat that sucked the very breath right out of him. He blinked several times, looked around and finally spotted his father and uncle working on the tractor. He panned the property and spotted his mother cleaning out the van with his sister happily supervising the process.

After a few moments, he walked over to his father and his uncle, sighed and said, "I'm bored." They looked at him incredulously. "There is a pool, endless toys, a sister, a cousin, a trampoline, and a wide expanse of pasture. GO PLAY! ", replied his father.

"BOY! If you want something to do... get to work..." replied his uncle, "...there is plenty to do around here. Feed the chickens, feed the ducks, feed the dogs, help with the tractor..."

"Can someone take me for a ride in the golf cart?"

At this point, his father told him he would have to wait until later when the adults were done working but his uncle said, "You are big enough to drive that golf cart yourself. There's nothing you can hurt around here, get on it and get gone!"

And so he did. He took off in the golf cart down the road that divides the property into two pastures.

His mother got nervous and walked to the end of the driveway to watch him. Just as he was instructed, when he got to the end of the pasture, he turned around to come back. His mother observed as he then did what can only be described as an eighteen point turn and started back up the road toward the house. She sighed with relief. The eighteen point turn was funny and bordered on ridiculous, but at least he was being cautious.

His little sister then called for their mother's attention and his mother reluctantly- but partially confident that he was on his way back down the straight road- went to see what the little girl needed. As soon as she reached his sister, there was a loud bang followed by the sound of the boy crying in the distance.

She yelled for the boy's dad as she was sprinting down the driveway and then down the road. She arrived first to find Noah standing in the middle of the road crying. The golf cart was straddling the pasture fence. She did a quick assessment and discovered that Noah was crying more because he was afraid of getting into trouble than because he was in pain and she then calmly got on the golf cart and backed it off the fence to assess the damage.

By that time, his father and uncle had arrived. Noah was dubbed the "fence wrecker" and they began discussing repairing the fence and that it would have to wait until later in the day when it was cooler since the fence was in the direct sunlight.

Luckily, there was a spare fence post in the garage and all of the supplies needed to repair the fence were lying around the property so Noah didn't have to contribute any money from his savings. His mother did, however, require that he be present for and help with the repair.

We are thankful Noah was not hurt, that our family was such a good sport about the destruction of their fence and a mental note has been made by all not to let Noah get a driver's license until he is AT LEAST 21.

I still have no idea how he fell off of a completely straight road.

{the battle scar}

Coming Soon

2011-08-07T23:29:00.003-04:00

I have just spent the last two weeks on-the-go, in Texas visiting family and have pretty much been without my computer the whole time. I have been quickly checking email and Facebook with my phone, but have not had the time to get the laptop out. We head out in the morning, on our trek back to New Jersey and when we get back and get settled in, I have plenty to talk about.

In the last two weeks, we have gone on little outings, attended a fabulous family reunion, visited with family and friends and taken loads of pictures! My son has: acquired three hermit crabs (much to my horror), neglected three hermit crabs, buried three hermit crabs and was deemed proficient enough in golf cart driving to drive my sister-in-law's golf cart all around the property by himself. And, by the way, that didn't end well. There is a story there. There are also photos.

See you soon.

Jinkies

2011-07-16T10:03:00.004-04:00

Alright, so I get bored every once in awhile and totally change my hair. The fact is, it is a miracle that I have kept it red for as long as I have (about three and a half years now). And when I change it, it is always drastic.

So, a couple of weeks ago, I decided to go back to the dark brown I had several times before, but the last time I had it was when I was pregnant with Zoe. I printed pictures I had of myself with the dark brown hair and showed them to my stylist. She said she was clear on what I wanted and when it was all said and done, it was black. It is always hard to tell with the lights in the salon, so I came home and examined it in my bathroom- still black. I looked a little like Gene Simmons.

Thanks to Facebook, I received tips for fading it quickly- and they worked, but not as fast as I would have liked. It still took almost a week to fade it to where I am not so self-conscious. It is still a tad dark for my taste, but I like it- it isn't black anymore.

This brings us to last night. The kids are in Texas and my husband and I decided to have a real date. We have a local restaurant I LOVE that has live entertainment on Friday nights out on the patio. I booked the reservations, put on a hottie sundress, some makeup and out we went.

The live entertainment was a comedian. To be fair, he busted on everyone in the audience and I know how comedians are, I've been to shows before. But, he pointed to me and said, " You- with the glasses. God bless those glasses, they are so hot! You look like Velma from Scooby Doo." There was actually more to the joke, but it was R-rated and I try to keep this blog PG, so I will leave it out. It was funny, I am not a bad sport, but I couldn't get past the Velma thing. My husband tried to tell me Velma was hot to make me feel better. And I was like- come on! She's the homely one with the bowl hair cut and baggy clothes. She's the one in orange.

So, if you are looking for me, I might be either playing with sharp objects or hanging out with my head in the oven.

Jinkies!

{taken the first day, when it was still really dark}

Deep in the Heart (Corner) of Texas

2011-07-09T16:37:00.002-04:00

The kids are in Texas with family and DJ and I are back in New Jersey, kid-free and not entirely sure what to do with ourselves. We are currently camping at the Jersey shore in our pop-up camper. It sure is quiet, and peaceful without the kids to contend with.

Last night, we spoke to Noah and Zoe on the phone. So far, everything seems fine, I have not heard of anyone crying for home, but Zoe does make it a point to mention during every conversation, "I want to stay with you guys." I keep reminding her that we will be there in a few weeks, and she lets it go.

Noah, on the other hand, has slipped right into life in the Lone Star State. Or perhaps not so much.

It becomes more and more apparent to us as the years go by that Noah is a Jersey boy through and through. Yesterday, he told his MeMaw he wanted some "water ice". She looked blankly at him and after some confusion and clarification, she took him to a sno cone stand. It was here that Noah gave the man working there a lesson in water ice and how it was made. And then proceeded to inform him that he had no idea why the product this man was pedaling was called a "sno cone" because it did not resemble snow in the least. He asked the man had he ever seen real snow and assured him it was nothing like this shaved ice he was placing in a paper cone for Noah.

What is "water ice" you ask? First you must learn to pronounce it properly- /wooder ice/. Now that you have the proper pronunciation down, you can educate yourself here and here. It is a regional name (Philadelphia area which includes South Jersey) for Italian Ice. It is like a slush or a sno cone, but smoother and with more liquid. Whereas with a slush or sno cone, you tend to suck all the juice out, leaving ice, this doesn't happen with a water ice.

So, if you are in the great state of Texas and you run into a small, scrawny boy, about 4' tall looking lost and confused and demanding his "wooder ice", please tell him his mother says hello.

And that she's eating a Rita's water ice as you speak.

A Hair Raising Tale

2011-07-01T21:44:00.006-04:00

Okay, if you have been reading this blog for more than ten minutes, you know that my daughter is a little headstrong. She also has her own unique way of doing things and she expects everyone else to get on board or else get left behind. (She's three)

This way of thinking about things extends even to her hair. I really can't remember when she started assigning her own names to her various acceptable hairstyles, but I know it has been going on since at least last fall. The fun began the first time I had to figure out what kind of hairstyle she wanted based on the name she was giving me. This isn't as easy as it sounds.

Many a morning was spent with tears, tantrums and fits while she tried to convey to me how she wanted me to fix her hair and I tried to understand what it was she wanted from me. I believe I have finally cracked the code (at least until she comes up with another one) and have compiled a list of her favorites. The original reason for this list is because we are meeting some family members halfway between our house and theirs this weekend (we live 1500 miles from our families) and for the first time, our kids will go home with our family for the summer without us. I am excited and nervous, but mostly, I fear for my family members and the days they will spend trying to figure out what it is that Zoe wants from them. I made a little flip book to send with her for reference and I wanted to share the highlights with you.

#1- Ariel Hair

This is the term she uses simply to mean that she wants to wear her hair down.

#2- Ariel Hair with Barrette

This just means she wants to add a barrette to pin her bangs out of her face.

#3- Belle Hair

The sides of her hair are pulled back into a half ponytail with the back hanging down.

#4- Cinderella Hair

She wants to wear a headband.

#5- Ballet Hair

This would be a ponytail.

#6- Dance Hair or sometimes Ballet Hair with Dance Hair

In addition to the ponytail, she wants her bangs french braided to the side, away from her face and into the ponytail.

#7- Picnic Hair

Two french braids down the side of her head.

#8- Rapunzel Hair

This can either be one regular braid down the back or one french braid down the back.
(I do not have a picture of this)

And there you have it, should you ever run across Zoe, angry in a dark alley wielding a hair elastic and a comb, you will know what to do to appease her.

Good luck!

And may the force be with you.

The Evolution of the Beg

2011-06-24T14:22:00.004-04:00

While leaving the parking lot of my meeting this morning, Zoe spots Burger King and here is what follows:

ZOE: Mommy, can I have fry-fries and chicken nuggets from Burger King?

ME: No, you just had breakfast.

ZOE: But I hungry!

ME: We are on our way to Target and maybe if you are good, we can stop at Chick Fil A on our way out.

NOAH: (being a typical little boy trying to antagonize his sister) Why don't we just stop on the side of the road and kill a chicken and eat it?

ZOE: Stop it, Noah! I not talking to YOU!

*silence for about ten seconds and then we pass the local pick-your-own farm*

ZOE: Mommy! I want to go there and get strawberries!

ME: No, do you see those dark clouds? It is going to rain, so even if we stop there, it will rain on us and if it starts thundering, they won't let us pick strawberries.

ZOE: But, I'm hungry and I want to eat strawberries!!

ME: Sorry, Zoe. We have to go to Target.

*silence for another golden twenty seconds*

ZOE: Mommy! I want to go fishing.

*I have no idea where this came from and I was silent for a moment because I was confused*

ZOE: MOMMY!! I SAY I WANT TO GO FISHING!!!

ME: I heard you, Zoe. Maybe one day Daddy can take you and Noah fishing. I think Noah has a fishing pole.

NOAH: You are not using my fishing pole, Zoe.

ZOE: SHUT UP, NOAH, I AM TOO!!

ME: Alright! Why are we fighting? In the entire time we have been a family, we have never gone fishing, so why are we fighting about it?

ZOE: At Target, can I buy a fishing pole?

ME: No.

ZOE: Why? I want a fishing pole with pink princess on it!

ME: BECAUSE WE DO NOT GO FISHING! We don't need more stuff in the house that we don't use.

ZOE: (on the verge of a meltdown) BUT. I. WANT. TO. GO. FIIIISSHHHIIIINNNNGGG!

ME: Zoe, what would you do if you caught a fish?

ZOE: I would put him in a bowl and put him in my room like Noah's fish.

ME: Ohhh. No, Noah didn't catch his fish in his room. That fish is a pet. We bought that fish.

**five second silence**

ZOE: Mommy, can you buy me a fish at Target?

ME: No, no more critters in the house.

ZOE: I WANNA FIIIIISSSSSSHHHHHH!

ME: Zoe, you need to straighten up or we are not going to Chick Fil A after we leave Target.

**about thirty more seconds of golden silence**

ZOE: Mommy, I hungry. Can I have fry-fries and chicken nuggets?

**Seventy- five days until school starts**

By the Skin of HisTeeth

2011-06-20T16:59:00.008-04:00

This past summer, I wrote this post about my son's two bottom teeth coming in behind his baby teeth- resulting in two rows of teeth like a shark. A few months later, when his baby teeth were still not loose, we had to pay an oral surgeon to have them removed. Trust me, it was not cheap.

You can imagine my dread about three months ago when I noticed his top two front teeth coming in. The good thing, is it appeared that they were at least making his baby teeth loose. Then one day, I wiggled a tooth and it was noticeably loose. I was so excited that I was not going to have to pay someone to do what potato chips, apples, corn on the cob or just a good knuckle sandwich from his sister could accomplish.

And yet- nothing. Noah's started guarding his mouth like an Egyptian tomb and would not let anyone near his mouth to wiggle them. Hush, hush plans were made and deals may or may not have been struck with Zoe that she would receive a new princess outfit if she could manage to knock those teeth out. Anything to avoid paying for it again.

Three weeks ago, his two top front baby teeth began sticking straight out. I mean, the boy looked like he could eat corn on the cob through a picket fence. The adult teeth were pushing them out and yet, he still would not let anyone near them.

Two and a half weeks ago, I picked Noah up from school early. As I stood in the school lobby, peering down the hallway, suddenly he appeared. Something didn't look right. He smiled at me and one tooth was hanging lower than the other. When we got in the van, I told him his tooth looked funny and he admitted he had gone to the nurse at lunch because it was so loose it was bothering him. She had given him some Ambesol or Orajel or something similar and advised him to PULL IT! I casually asked him to smile for me so I could see why it looked strange. He did and I instantly saw it was hanging by a tiny thread. Without hesitating, I snapped into Ninja mode and with one swipe, I grabbed it and yanked it out. He hollered and then realized it was out and it was done. One down, one to go.

Later that evening, the remaining tooth moved over in the missing tooth's spot. Sort of like I do to my husband as soon as he gets out of bed in the morning. That tooth was hanging sideways, twisted and crooked across his mouth and he looked like he came from the river bottom.

Nothing could persuade Noah to let us pull the other tooth. Not even the potential that maybe the tooth fairy could give him extra money for two teeth at once.

We were back to square one. I kept telling him to quit smiling in public because he was embarrassing me. He kept swatting at me everytime I came too close to his mouth. And EVERYONE we came across told him to PULL THAT TOOTH!!

Finally last week, his father- who had been silently staying out of it- reached his breaking point. He grabbed Noah and pinned him down on the couch and pulled the tooth. Once again, Noah screamed and then realized it was all over with and proclaimed it "no big deal".

I only hope we don't have to go through this drama for every tooth. If we do, I think the tooth fairy owes ME money!

The Year of My High School Reunion and Also When My Son Called Me Old

2011-06-09T22:04:00.003-04:00

This year is the twentieth anniversary of my graduation from high school. I graduated in May of 1991. I remember when I graduated, my dad remarked how I graduated exactly twenty years to the day after he did. And I marveled about being out of high school for twenty years, being thirty-eight years old and having a child graduating high school. I could not wrap my head around it.

And yet, what seems like MAYBE five years later, here I am. Twenty years later. Wow. I did things differently than my parents. I did not give birth to my first child until I was thirty. I think that is partially why my brain can't wrap around my age. I still think I am the same age or just a few years older than college students. And then I realize I could legitimately be their mother. Whoa.

So, as I write and you read, my twenty year reunion is being planned. It was decided to have it in the fall in conjunction with the high school's homecoming game and festivities. I was asked to design a couple of logos for use on shirts, invitations and whatnot. As I was sitting at my computer this afternoon, playing around with different designs, Noah walked in and sat beside me.

"SHS Class of 1991? Wow! Is that when you graduated?"

"Yes, Noah. I graduated high school in 1991."

**pause**

"So... that's....uh....WOW! TWENTY YEARS!?"

"Yep! Twenty years. That is why we are having a reunion."

"Is the school still there?"

"What do you mean? Of course there is still a high school in my town!"

" No, I mean the BUILDING where you went to school. It must be pretty old!"

"Yes, the building is still there, but it is the middle school now. They built a new high school after I left."

"So, it is still actually a school, then?"

**getting irritated now**

"Yes, Noah, it is still a school. What is your point?"

"I just thought if you went to school there TWENTY YEARS AGO, it must have fallen down by now. That's really old."

Should I tell him our house was built in 1984?

It's Over (this time)

2011-05-18T11:09:00.003-04:00

If you have been hanging out with me during my husband's deployment I both thank you for your support and apologize for the spotty and sometimes woe-is-me posts. The moment we were waiting for since the day he left arrived last week. He came home.

We are so excited to have him home and he is off work for two weeks to spend time with us. Thank you for reading and thank you for all your kind and encouraging words! So, until next time....

This post is being linked up with Dumb Mom's Wordful Wednesday at parenting BY dummies.

What's Important....

2011-05-06T16:49:00.004-04:00

I attended a Mother's Day tea at my daughter's pre-school where I was presented with a cute little card sporting flowers made from her footprints, a paper flower with her picture in the middle and a potted flower.

Noah stumbled off the bus today toting a top secret bag that he wanted me to help him carry, wanted me to know to be careful because it was breakable but didn't want me to know what was in it until Sunday. Then, he decided I should open the card. I told him I would just wait until Sunday and he insisted I open it right away.

Inside, was a list of things about "My Mother" and he filled in the blanks with words to describe me and things about me. Here is the content of Noah's card (with my comments in red):

Five Words to Describe My Mother are:

1. funny (Yeah! I am so glad he thinks I am funny. I thought only I thought I was funny.)

2.blue eyes (at least he knows what color eyes I have now. I wrote a whole post a couple of years ago about how he thought I had brown eyes)

3.Nice (Well, okay- "stinkin' awesome" would have been better, but I am glad to know he thinks I am a nice person)
4. Dyed red hair (ummm.... welll..... d'oh!)

5.Vanilla ice cream hater (it's true- and it's funny that he made note of it)

Four Things My Mom Does Best are:

1. makes mac and cheese (I fear that his teacher thinks I whip up boxes of Kraft with great frequency. The truth is, I make homemade macaroni and cheese that Noah LOVES. Honestly, I do.)

2.play Zumba (okay- he's reaching here. I only just started Zumba. Seriously, I've only been to the class twice. Perhaps he is talking about Zumba on the Wii since he said "play Zumba" but I only ever end up getting mad at the Zumba instructor on the Wii and wishing fat rolls and awkward NON-Latin hips on her.)

3.helping with homework (I am so glad he still thinks I am good at it. The reality is I jump on Facebook a lot for help with my second grader's homework. It's HARD, y'all! I have a bachelor's degree and I have trouble with his homework. I'm going to need a PhD to get him through 8th grade and after that, he is on his own)

4. helping with Zoe (Well, "practice makes perfect" and I get A LOT of practice "helping with Zoe".)

Two of My Mom's Favorite Things to Do are:

1.read books

2. take Zoe and I places

(I will forgive him the "dyed red hair" comment for not writing "take a nap", "yell" or "Facebook/computer" here.)

My Mom Really Likes it When:

Zoe and I are nice to each other. (This one is spot on.)

Two Things I Want to Tell My Mom are:

1. Get me some more Legos!

2.Get me some more Legos! (Where's the "I love you"? "Happy Mother's Day"? Yeah... show me some love, Dude and you might get some more Legos!)

Happy Mother's Day everyone!

Military Spouse Appreciation Day

2011-05-06T13:39:00.002-04:00

Last month, we honored our children. This month, we honor the spouses. Today is Military Spouse Appreciation Day and I was going to say some things, but I just can't say it any better than

THIS

So, please go read it and take a moment to think about all the spouses out there, holding down the fort while their loved ones are gone. Our family's separation is coming to an end soon, but there are so many more out there who are at the beginning or in the exhausting middle of their deployment. Think of them. And there are even more families out there clinging to their final days/hours/minutes together right now as they await watching their loved one board a bus or plane and leave them alone to care for their family.

Thank you to all the military spouses. You lot really are an amazing bunch!

The Countdown Has Begun

2011-05-01T23:46:00.007-04:00

We started this journey on January 4. It has been a long four months. It has been a short four months. It has been a difficult and exhausting four months. It has been a fun and exciting four months.

I have bonded a little more with my children as we leaned on each other and helped each other out in our times of need. There were many nights where I held or laid next to a child while they cried for their Daddy. There were days where one of my children patted my arm or cleaned up a mess while I sat on the couch and cried, defeated. That is what a family does- we stick up for one another. We are there for each other and we are closer because of everything we have done and been through together.

But at the very heart of it all, our family was fractured. One fourth of our family has been missing but will very soon return. The countdown has begun. We cannot wait to have Daddy, Husband, Playmate, Friend, Lover, One-Who-Picks-Up-Dog-Poop back with us again.

When we started this journey, I posted this the first weekend when we sat down and made our deployment chain. This is what it looked like when we hung it- it draped all the way to the floor on both sides of the door:

Here is what it looks like tonight:

That's right. We are down to ten days. TEN DAYS. We have one hundred and eighteen days behind us tonight and only ten measly days in front of us. I won't say it has been easy- it hasn't. It still isn't. But, we are so close. We have it beat. Colbert Family: 118 Deployment: ZERO.

Suck it, deployment. You are such a loser.

** I got ahead of myself- we have ELEVEN days left. Damn. Still better than 129.

Honoring All Who Serve

2011-04-29T18:44:00.007-04:00

Even if you are not affiliated with the military, chances are you know about Veteran's Day in November where we honor those that serve and have served. And you probably are also familiar with Memorial Day in May where we remember those that gave all for their country. But did you know that we also remember to celebrate our smallest of heroes?

April is Month of the Military Child and there are various activities around base for the kids. The whole thing wraps up the last Friday of the month at the elementary school with a celebration. This is by far my favorite activity to attend at the school every year. It is always cute, sweet, fun and emotional.

The celebration starts with a static display of various military vehicles. The kids get to climb on and in the "cool stuff" like an MWRAP. They love this part!

Then everyone is ushered inside for the assembly and treats. The fourth grade class always writes poems titled " I am a military child" and every year, the results are amazing! A few of the students are selected to read them to the school and I am always slightly misty-eyed as these young heroes, wise and strong stand there and talk about multiple deployments, missed birthdays and praying their father/mother will be safe but always end with each stanza with "I am a military child."

Afterward, the four-year-olds take the stage and sing along with a Lee Greenwood recording of "God Bless the U.S.A." It was adorable and touching.

Since the focus is honoring and saluting the children, at that point, they have military volunteers in uniform serve the children ice cream while they watch a slide show of various photos of themselves throughout the year set to patriotic music. Included were Battle Hymn of the Republic, You're a Grand Old Flag and a medley of all the armed forces songs. It really is a great experience as our base is a joint base and houses families and units from all branches of the armed services- Army, Air Force, Navy, Marines and Coast Guard.

I salute you, young heroes scattered all over the country and the world.

I also salute my two favorite little heroes who are currently helping to hold down the fort in their father's absence:

I love you guys.

I am linking this post with Jennifer at Momma Made it Look Easy- she asks that you "share your awesome" and link your favorite post from the week. Since this is my ONLY post, I suppose it is my favorite. Oh yeah.. it has my kids in it too.. so it has to be a favorite!

The Impostors Have Arrived

2011-04-24T22:00:00.003-04:00

I blogged last week about breaking my very favorite pair of glasses and how I was forced into picking new frames against my will. If you missed it, you can read it here.

Thursday I picked up my new glasses. I don't love them. But I don't hate them either. That is a good sign.. it means there is the possibility (and likelihood) that they will grow on me with time. Of course, this means that eventually THIS pair will also be the pair I can't replace and then we will one day find ourselves right back here at this very same spot. But, until then.. I promised a picture...

Easter Bunny: Unplugged

2011-04-23T20:50:00.006-04:00

It has come to my attention that perhaps, subconsciously, Noah knows the real identity of the Easter Bunny.

Earlier today, we dyed eggs and took loads of pictures to share with Daddy.

Then, we mixed up some homemade Rice Krispie treats and put Peeps on them so that each square is embellished with a Peep.

We ate dinner and each had a Rice Krispie treat for dessert and then the time came for the kids to get ready for bed. We assembled the eggs in each child's basket ready to be hidden and replaced by chocolate. And then, I opened the fridge to retrieve the carrot we leave out for the Easter Bunny every year to nosh on. All that hopping and hiding of eggs has to leave a fella a little famished. But, much to my surprise, we were out of carrots. I tried so hard to remember everything and yet I forgot the stinkin' carrots!

Noah suggested we leave him/her a Rice Krispie treat instead. I thought that was a great idea! I inquired as to what Noah thought a holiday critter might like to drink to quench his/her thirst. Without missing a beat, Noah replied, "I think the Easter Bunny would LOVE a glass of wine!" (Why yes, she would most definitely LOVE a glass of wine!)

And so, that is how we came to leave the Easter Bunny a Rice Krispie treat and a glass of wine.

Noah has been elevated to "favorite" on the Easter Bunny's list and I am sure the Bunny will be certain to relay Noah's kind and generous deed to Santa.

Happy Easter.

And.. Cheers!

** I linked up my post today with Jennifer at Momma Made it Look Easy- Share Your Awesome- if you have an awesome post, go over and link it up!**

Cheater Cheater Pumpkin Eater

2011-04-16T00:37:00.004-04:00

Thursday, while having my eye exam, Noah sat in a chair in the corner of the exam room. I had my face to that contraption where the optometrist changes the lenses and I have to read the letters on the wall and tell her which view is clearer. She flashed up two letters on the wall and I told her that I couldn't even guess what they were, because I honestly couldn't see them at all. Just as I said that, there was a knock on the door and she said, "Excuse me for a moment, I have to go get that." She opened the door and stepped outside.

As soon as she was out of the room, I heard Noah whisper, "Mommy? I know the answer! Do you want me to tell you what the letters are?"

I laughed and told him I appreciated his help, but that it would serve me better if the optometrist knew that I had no idea what those two letters were.

But it's nice to know that Noah had my back. Thanks, son.

Goodbye Dear Friend, You Served Me Well

2011-04-14T21:30:00.004-04:00

I have a hard time with change.

I realize the irony in this since I am a military spouse. But the fact is, I like consistency and things I can predict. Familiar. Comfortable.

I have had the same frames for my glasses for eight to ten years now.

I love those frames! Every time I have had my eyes checked and the sales-associate-of-the-day has tried to talk me into new frames, I have always talked him/her into just putting the new lenses in my old ones. I have tried on others, but I can't find any I like as much as mine. About two years ago, it was time, so I settled on new frames and kept my old ones as a backup. Less than two weeks after getting my new glasses, we went camping and I left my glasses lying on the table with my laptop where Zoe retrieved them and snapped them. I was upset at first. And then I was happy, because it meant I could wear my old frames. And as loose and crooked and old as they are, I have been happily wearing them since then.

That is, until this past Monday when my frames met a tragic demise. I took my glasses off when I put on my sunglasses and laid them on the console in the van. When we got to our destination, I could not find them. Noah said he remembered seeing them slide off the console while I was driving. I made him get out of his seat and look underneath all the seats and down by his and Zoe's seats. They were nowhere to be found. So, while we were stopped at Sonic, I got out of the van and opened his side and crawled around looking underneath the driver's seat and his seat and all in the third row. I crawled across and looked under the front passenger seat and Zoe's seat. I couldn't find them.

It was then that I walked around the van and pulled on the handle to Zoe's door. It's automatic and it began to slide open and I heard a very distinct "CRUNCH". I could feel the bile rising in my throat and the tears welling up in my eyes. I didn't even have to look. I knew they were gone. One lens crushed and the frame snapped in two. I had to sit down. I cried a little bit.

I mourned their loss all the way home and have mourned the rest of the week. This morning, I had an eye exam and picked out new frames. It wasn't the same. The new ones are okay, but they aren't MY frames. I feel as if I am dishonoring their memory by moving on with new shiny ones. I miss them.

Farewell my friends. I hope you are whole again in the great LensCrafters in the sky. Know that you are/were loved and are dearly missed.

Note: I won't have possession of the impostors for seven to ten business days. I will try and remember to take a picture when I receive them.

The Wardrobe Malfunction A.K.A Mommy's an Idiot

2011-04-13T17:26:00.004-04:00

I sincerely hope that people don't look at my kids and think I am a terrible and neglectful mom. I do worry about these things and I try to keep my kids presentable most of the time. But, the truth is that sometimes I have those moments when I am just mortified and wonder what other people must think of me.

Every morning, I put clothes out for Noah and Zoe to wear to school. They both get dressed and I usually give Zoe the once-over to check her shoes. She tends to put them on backwards. She has gone to school and spent the entire day with her shoes on backwards. I was embarrassed then; but not nearly as embarrassed as I was today.

I picked Zoe up from school and we had our usual race down the sidewalk in front of the school. Just like any other day, I was winning until the last minute when Zoe managed to squeak by me and claim a victory for herself. And just like any other day, I then congratulated her and picked her up to put her in the van. As I buckled her in her car seat, something odd caught my eye-a rough seam. I did a double-take.

Astounded, I asked, "Zoe? Did you take your pants off at school today?"

"No?" she replied, somewhat perplexed.

"Were your pants like this all day at school?"

"Yeah, my just put them on at home and wear-ed them ALL day!" she proclaimed proudly.

Oh yeah.. I really did that. She wore her pants inside out all day long. Hurray for me!

The One-Two Punch

2011-04-12T22:31:00.006-04:00

Noah came home with his spring pictures today and I have to say, they are the best pictures he has ever taken. I am so pleased with them.

But because I can never be totally satisfied with anything, I still have one complaint: my baby boy looks so grown up! I look at this and I see a BIG kid!

I voiced this complaint out loud to him and he responded with, "Yeah, and since we are talking about me being a big kid, I figure it's a good time to tell you that I am no longer going to call you, "Mommy", I will now be calling you, "Mom".

D'oh!!! It was like kicking me while I was down.

Great timing, Noah. I guess he is growing up... that is just like a man!

Spring???

2011-03-26T13:11:00.005-04:00

We had one awesome day here where it was 75 degrees and the next day it promptly went back to chilly temperatures with a north wind. It has gone steadily downhill all last week where the highs were only in the 40's. I am so over winter. I was over winter by January 15th. It won't quit. MAKE IT STOP, ALREADY!

And just when I thought I was the only person crazy enough to have a mental breakdown over weather, my seven-year-old son piped up out of the blue yesterday with this little observation:

Gosh! I wish Old Man Winter would just DIE ALREADY!

My sentiments exactly.

Eighty Down, Fifty-Two to Go

2011-03-24T22:19:00.012-04:00

First of all, I wanted to mention that today is my husband's birthday. So- Happy Birthday, Sweetie! I wish we could all celebrate together.

Next I want to mention that we have survived eighty days of the deployment and have approximately fifty-two left. It feels good to see the deployment chain we created getting visibly shorter. A reminder- when we made the chain, it fell all the way to the floor on both sides of the entryway to our kitchen where we chose to hang it.

Tonight, it looks like this:

Wow! What a difference! I am so glad I decided to do this because Noah gets the concept of the months going by, but for Zoe, it is just an endless sea of her father's absence. This is very visual and she can actually see the time passing by.

Spring has sprung in New Jersey. And by that I just mean that my daffodils, hyacinths and tulips are coming up and the trees appear to be sprouting buds. We did, however, have snow flurries this morning and the weather is forecast to be cold for the next week at least. As in, not getting out of the 40's, cold. Ugh!

Zoe's school implemented a new rule on March 1 that no outside food was allowed into the school. Only items prepared in the kitchen on premises would be served to the children and so therefore, the Saint Patrick's Day "Green Party" they usually have did not come to fruition. I did make treats for Noah's class, though.

We had a spring clean up day outside where I raked up the leaves that fell after leaf collection in the fall and Noah and his buddy bagged them for me. I LOVE seven-year-olds! I only had to offer them $5 a piece and they bagged the leaves for me.

The day after this photo was taken, I took Noah to get a haircut. It was driving me nuts hanging in his face. He wanted it long and I kept having it trimmed and telling him he could keep it long as long as he kept it out of his face. At this point, he was staring at me through a curtain of hair and looked like a sheep dog. He's still mad at me for having it cut.. because I had it ALL CUT OFF!

During the brief period of warmer weather we experienced, Zoe got some time to play on her scooter she got for Christmas.

Both kids had a really rough week last week, so I let them have a rare treat- I allowed Noah to sleep in my bed with me last Friday with the promise Zoe could sleep with me this Friday. When I told Noah he could get in my bed, I expected the usual entourage- his blanket and his bunny- but when I went to bed I found Noah with his blanket and SIX of his closest friends taking up the bed! Left to Right- Rexie the Dinosaur, his bunny, there's a penguin under the blanket and I don't remember the penguin's name, Daddy Doll, Max and Chirp. Sheesh! I promptly evicted everyone but blanket and bunny and we slept peacefully.

Last Sunday, the kids were driving me bananas and so I decided we needed fresh air. I took them to Smithville and we walked the trail through the woods alongside the creek and over the floating bridge on the lake. When we finished the loop and arrived back at our car, I let them play on the playgrounds. Thankfully, I wore them out!

We've been over this before- my kids do not sit and/or smile for photographs. They are always moving and always making weird faces, so when I managed to get this...

... I considered myself very fortunate.

THIS is more like it:

Finally, these were taken on the playground at the end of our hike. I was totally being lazy and all of these are taken from across the playground with my zoom lens.

Our plans for the weekend include our weekly Skype session with DJ tomorrow afternoon after the kids get home from school. Saturday is Noah's last soccer day- they play a mini- tournament (they play each team for about ten minutes) and then have pizza and get their trophies afterwards. And Sunday, we have absolutely nothing planned. I like those days.

I apologize for the sporadic posts lately. I don't know if it is the deployment getting to me or what is going on, but I am suddenly exhausted all the time. No matter how much sleep I get, I have to fight myself to keep from taking a nap at 4 pm everyday and by evening, I just want to crawl in bed. I have been taking my vitamins and exercising, but it isn't making me feel any better. I think I am just mentally exhausted and that is manifesting itself physically in me. I hope to get my groove back when the weather gets warm enough that we can actually hang out outside for extended periods of time. I mean, I guess we can do that now.. but I just get cold and then mad because I am cold and go inside.

SCORE!

2011-03-20T00:05:00.003-04:00

This afternoon, during the final soccer game of the winter indoor season, and after two years playing soccer, Noah scored his first goal.

His buddy and teammate Logan passed the ball to Noah who was standing in front of the goal and Noah simply kicked it in. I screamed and clapped. Noah looked up at me and I gave him a huge smile and two thumbs up from across the court. For a small moment I saw excitement but then he reeled it back in, crossed his arms in front of his chest and looked away from me as if to say, "Eh.. it's all in a day's work."

That's Noah- embarrassed when people are paying attention to him.

When the game was over, he ran to the sideline where I was standing with my hand in the air to high-five him. He smacked my hand, raised one eyebrow and half rolled his eyes while saying (as if he were an 80-year-old man outside the general store commenting on the weather), "Yeah, I just decided enough of this nonsense, this is the last game and I am scoring a goal no matter what."

And that was that. The game was over and Noah had scored his first goal. His mother was ecstatic. His coach was congratulatory, our neighbors were happy for him and he was totally unmoved by the whole thing.

Later, though, he began to feel comfortable with his accomplishment and by the time we got home, I was instructed to call all of the grandparental figures in Texas so that he could tell them of his feat.

Congratulations, my boy- my sweet, tiny old man.

Even if I am embarrassing you.

Passive Aggressive Letter to the Dog

2011-03-04T20:07:00.002-05:00

Dear Dog,

In the future, if you decide to try and sneak into my room after I fall asleep, perhaps you should try and not be so flatulent. Just sayin'. You are sooo busted!

Signed,

The Person Who Cannot Possibly Sleep Through that Sound/Smell and Who Also Wonders What in Sweet Caroline's Name You Have Been Eating

I'm Going Through the Big "D" and Don't Mean Dallas

2011-03-02T10:32:00.009-05:00

I don't mean divorce either, I mean DEPLOYMENT. That's a big enough D, dontcha think?

Okay- so I haven't updated you in awhile. I was all gung-ho and let's make this deployment fun and then we all got sick, and then got better and then got sick again and the wind is out of my sails and well, I'm lazy.

Unfortunately, I have also been lazy about taking pictures of what we have not been doing. I am sure you would love to see a photo of us all lying near-comatose on couches staring, napping and drooling, but alas, I did not capture that- as exciting as it was.

Okay, first we will start off with Valentine's Day. I did what I do best (ahem, copy other people's ideas off the internet) and copied THIS idea because it was adorable and so, so easy! And, incidentally, that blog in general is full of great ideas.

On Valentine's Day, we had pancakes for dinner. The kids were delighted that I added food coloring and we had pink pancakes. Okay- Zoe was delighted, Noah was perturbed, but I assured him they tasted the same and no one had to know he ate pink pancakes. At least, that is, until now when I decided to tell the whole world about it.

I also got a few photos (albeit terrible ones with my point-and-shoot that completely up and died after this) of Zoe's Tumble Tots class. She insists on wearing the tutu every week. I don't know. I just don't argue.

I only half-heartedly decorated for Saint Patrick's Day. I just downloaded and printed a fabulous print from the same blog where I got my Valentine card idea. and added some green M&M's to a candy jar. Nothing spectacular. I can't wait to decorate for spring.

Speaking of spring...look-y what greeted me this morning in my flower bed:

Weeeeeeeee! It's a promising start!

And lastly, I have a small rant. They told us when Zoe started preschool not to dress them in nice dresses and such, because they play and are going to get dirty. They paint, color, stamp, cook and do everything that makes a mess and I get that. For that reason, when one of Zoe's nice Gymboree shirts comes home with a stain, I don't get angry. The stain is usually around the sleeve from ink or paint, and usually with a little diligence will come out. I expect these things. HOWEVER... I am not sending my child to school in dirty, old stained clothing. I'm just not that person. I want her to look nice. But, honestly, if she keeps coming home like she did the other day, I don't know what to do. I can't afford to keep buying her new clothes. There was no way I could get this out ( I am not even sure what it is) and there is absolutely no chance she will wear this out of the house again. (and sadly, that was one of my favorite shirts) But, seriously, WHAT where they doing? I mean.... COME ON?

Happy Not-Quite-Spring-But-I-Am-Going-To-Pretend-It-Already-Is-For-My-Own-Sanity-Now-Please-Don't-Burst-My-Bubble ! (Do you think that would fit on a Hallmark card?)

I am linking this up with Wordful Wednesday over at parenting BY dummies. (and incidentally- Amanda from parenting BY dummies is more than just a bloggy celebrity now, she is a full-on celebrity as she was featured on TLC's What Not to Wear last night! You can head over to her blog right now where she posts the behind-the-scenes photos and tells you all about it!)

Idle Conversation- a Lesson for Noah

2011-02-18T23:14:00.005-05:00

Tonight, at the dinner table, Zoe was full of conversation and information. She rambled in detail about how her usual best friends were not her best friends today and she had a new one and shared her name with us. She mentioned several kids that got their busy bees (classroom jobs) taken away from them for bad behavior and the ones that made sad choices. She also went into details about the kids that made good choices. The babble continued for a good five minutes straight without letting us get a word in edgewise.

I stole a sideways glance at Noah and he caught my eye too. He rolled his eyes, sighed and said, "Three-year-olds!!".

I didn't have the heart to tell him that wasn't as much "three-year-olds" as it was "women". And that he would be listening to this sort of idle conversation,perhaps, for the rest of his life.

Husband

2011-02-17T00:01:00.000-05:00

Husband:

lover, friend

father, teacher

playmate, protector;

always taking care of us,

possessing a child-like spirit,

gentle and sweet, tough and firm;

knows when I seriously need a laugh;

he understands me better than anyone else

yet he loves me because of and in spite of myself;

has been to hell & back with me-never dropping my hand,

always able to focus my attention toward the good,

is smart, hilarious, talented, and strong,

has chosen to leave all things familiar

so that he can serve his country

and has continued to serve

for a good part of his life;

half of me is missing,

but duty calls my

lover, friend

husband

soldier

hero

This post is inspired by Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop. Prompt#3: Husbands

Letter from Zoe

2011-02-16T20:29:00.004-05:00

Tonight as I was putting Zoe to bed, I kissed her goodnight and she told me she loved me. I heard a crack in her voice and I turned around to look at her and she had big crocodile tears in her eyes and her bottom lip was trembling.

I sat down on the side of her bed and asked what was wrong. "I miss Daddy." she replied. I hugged her and told her I missed him too. She started crying- really crying like she was heartbroken. I was heartbroken having to witness it. I told her we could go and send Daddy an email and tell him how she feels.

I typed while she dictated.

Daddy, I miss you. I want you to come home and play with my tree house (Little People Fairy) with me. I want to hug you. I don't want you to go to work no more. Good night.

I miss him too, sweetheart.

I Have a Dream....

2011-02-08T22:04:00.003-05:00

Okay, so I know this is a little late. But... well.. I don't need to give you an excuse. My husband is gone, I am single parenting, my little hellfire was sick last week and home with me, I have a cold this week and just want to sleep and my older child got off the bus puking today. So.. LAY OFF, alright?

Ahem... okay... off-topic much?

Alrighty, then. I went to Noah's school last week to have lunch with him and then I walked him back to class to have a little chat with his teacher (he got in trouble for the first time ever the day before). I stopped to admire the classwork his teacher had hanging in the hallway. In honor of Martin Luther King, they were given the following prompt: "I have a dream that..." and were instructed to complete the sentence. Noah wrote, "I have a dream that people will stop shooting people and all the gun stores will close down so no one can kill anyone else anymore." Wow... profound.

And also... we can never move back to Texas.

The next day, I was picking Zoe up from school and I saw that her teacher had posted some classwork outside in the hallway too. They had also prompted the children with "I have a dream" and asked them to draw what their dream was and then the teachers wrote on the picture what the child said. Zoe's said, "I have a dream..... of monsters and princess castles."

Equally profound.

And perhaps she should see a therapist?

The Party

2011-02-05T13:25:00.005-05:00

Yesterday marked one month since DJ left. We marked it on the calendar weeks ago as a day to look forward to. The first milestone reached. The first hurdle cleared. When we marked the date on the calendar, we wrote, " one month party" and planned on having a little party to celebrate one month behind us.

Last night, after having our once-a-week Skype session with DJ that lasted only a few minutes because of the poor connection, we ordered Domino's pizza (Noah's favorite), watched Where the Wild Things Are and then baked cookies and decorated them. Earlier in the day, Noah's class made homemade ice cream at school and then got to eat it. Zoe's class celebrated her teacher's birthday with cupcakes. Both kids claimed it the best day ever. Sweets at school, pizza and cookies at home and a movie.

I took some pictures of us on the couch watching the movie with the webcam on my laptop. I love this one because look how crazy Noah looks!

I like to call this one, "We just heard there was more snow in the forecast."

One month down. Three to go.

My Big Girl

2011-02-01T21:01:00.003-05:00

My baby is growing up. Part of me is so happy for her and part of me wants to hang on and scream, " Nooooooooooo!" but that is the same part of me that sometimes thinks newborns are cute and we ("we" being me and my multiple personalities) generally ignore her.

On Sunday, Zoe came to me and said, "Mommy, I want a big girl bed. I don't want to be a baby anymore." She had a toddler bed that I was pretty sure she could fit in until next year, but she had other ideas.

The problem is, back when we only had one child, Noah was in the small room (which is now Zoe's room). The spare bedroom was bigger and contained the computer and other office equipment and a treadmill. We wanted a place for visitor's to be able to sleep, but the room was not big enough to fit all of those items, so DJ built a Murphy Bed. Do you know what that is? It is one of those beds that folds up into the wall. It was genius.

Then, when I got pregnant with Zoe, we sold the treadmill, moved the filing cabinets into our room and the computer into the kitchen and then moved Noah into the bigger room and gave it a fabulous "big boy" makeover. Then, I painted the little room and decorated it to be Zoe's nursery. We put the Murphy bed in her room reasoning that when she was a newborn, I could sleep in the same room with her while she still slept in her crib. We could also keep the option of a guest bed.

As Zoe grew, and acquired more toys, when we needed the Murphy Bed, I would have to move things out of Zoe's room in order to pull it down. It became clear to me that eventually the Murphy Bed would have to go. I assumed we would get rid of it when the time came to buy her a twin bed. There is no way a twin bed will fit in her room now, not even with the Murphy Bed folded up.

So, this past weekend, while my husband is gone and won't be home for another three months, Zoe decided she didn't want to be a baby anymore. I didn't know what to do. I told her I would need to think about it for a bit and she accepted that answer.

I finally decided that for now, we could pull down the Murphy Bed and it can be her "Big Girl Bed" and when DJ gets back, we can buy her a new twin bed. She's content with the results and slept very well in it last night. The only problem is there isn't much room for her to play and I can't just fold it up without entirely unmaking the bed. So.. for the next few months- here is Zoe's Big Girl Room. She loves it and is so proud! You can see it in her face!

Teenager?

2011-01-31T10:13:00.004-05:00

Since when did my 7-year-old son turn 14? Apparently he has aged over the past few weeks because he has developed the smart mouth and sarcastic reasoning that usually comes with teenagerdom.

Last night, I asked him to feed the dog. "Noah, feed the dog, please."

"What does that mean?"

"It means FEED THE DOG! NOW DO IT!"

"What's a dog?"

"You're gonna be a dog and sleep in her corner while I let her sleep in your bed if you don't FEED THE DOG NOW!"

He fed the dog.

This morning, I was putting away clothes in my bedroom and I heard them arguing in the living room. Zoe appeared in my room to say, " Mommy, Noah called me a baby."

"Zoe, you know you are not a baby. Don't worry about what Noah says, but tell him to stop saying mean words."

"NOAH! Mommy say don't say, 'baby' NO MORE!"

And then I hear Noah singing, "Ba-by! Baaaa-by. Stupid, stupid, DUMB! Stu-pid, baaa-by, baby, baby DUMB!"

All the words I have told him repeatedly not to say because they aren't nice.

I walked in the living room and said very matter-of-factly, "You've lost your DSi for three days. We will talk about it again on Thursday!"

Noah looked shocked.

And then he started crying. "WHY!?"

"Because I heard you in here being nasty to your sister. Why would you be so nasty to her?"

**still crying** "Because she was bugging me!"

"Well, Noah, that is no excuse to be mean to her! Calling her stupid, dumb and a baby is incredibly mean!"

And then came the moment where he changed from seven-year-old to fourteen-year-old. In an instant, he dried up the tears and I saw him put on his smug face and then he said:

"I wasn't calling HER those names. I was just saying them to myself."

"No, you weren't! You were singing it and calling her those names."

"No I WASN'T I was just singing quietly to myself."

"Well, your 'quietly to yourself' was loud enough for me to hear it in the back of the house! Just don't say those words at all! You know they are not nice!"

**pause**

"Well, what if we see a baby out in a store or something? Then, I can't say the word, 'baby' !?"

"And now you've lost the DSi for a week."

And the thing is, he didn't seem that upset about it. He got up and went in his room and started happily playing.

And then he came in the living room and said, " I'm bored. Not having a DSi is DUMB!!"

As I type this, he is sitting at my kitchen table writing, "I will not call Zoe a baby" fifty times. Or at least he is sitting at the kitchen table crying how unfair it is that I have told him he can't get up until he is done. He hates to write. And he also needs practice on his terrible handwriting.

Two birds- one stone.

Yeah me.

Now where can I get some chocolate and wine at 10:30 am?

The Entrepeneur

2011-01-27T20:42:00.004-05:00

My son desperately wants to make some money and he is scheming as to how to make it. I suggested that he help his mother shovel the foot of snow we awoke to find waiting in our yard and driveway today and/or with other things around the house; but he quickly balked at that idea. Those things are deemed "too hard". He would much rather make an easy buck.

This evening, he came in from playing outside in the snow (he had a snow day) and excitedly informed me that he had it. His next business idea. He is going to go door-to-door and sell snowman parts.

Digest that for a second.

I asked exactly what all the term "snowman parts" included. He said, "You know... sticks, carrots, coal..."

"So... things you can get for FREE in your yard and refrigerator?", I replied.

"Well, yeah, but..."

And then his friend interjected that Noah planned to charge $10 for a carrot nose.

"That's extortion!", I exclaimed.

"What?"

"Never mind. You are not selling snowman parts. And besides, I don't let you roam this neighborhood freely anyway and you can be certain I am not walking around with you to sell snowman parts."

He gave up on that idea and I thought the whole thing was put to rest.

Until about ten minutes ago, when the child that is supposed to be sleeping came tearing out of his room all wild-eyed and breathless and said, "Mommy! I've got it! I know how I'm going to make money!"

"Why aren't you asleep? Oh right... savvy, determined businessmen rarely sleep."

"I'm going to get the snow shovel and attach it to my Gator (PowerWheels) with bungee cords like a plow on front...."

[I started thinking that sounded like a good idea if we could really figure out how to attach the snow shovel to the front and make it work. But, I could have used that ingenuity twelve hours ago when I was shoveling a foot of snow out of my driveway.]

"... and then I will go door-to-door and ask if people have pets. If they do, then I will tell them, 'Well, I bet your pet is very sad he or she can't freely run and play in your yard with all the snow. I have a solution. I can plow a path around your yard for your pet.' "

I informed him that was a sweet thought, but the only people we knew with pets are two of our neighbors. His friend has a dog, but also two teenage siblings that help shovel so they don't need anyone to plow a spot for their dog. And the other neighbor pays the two teenagers to shovel her yard for her, so she wouldn't be in need of the services either.

Back to the drawing board.

I'll keep you posted as to his next business idea.

Snowflake

2011-01-25T20:57:00.002-05:00

I see you snowflake

dancing in the breeze

playfully tumbling

outside my window

begging for someone

to come out and play.

I see you snowflake

calling my children

out to play

with the promise

of snow angels and forts

snowball fights and snowmen

and if they are lucky

a snow day.

I see you snowflake

taunting me

teasing me

reminding me to salt the walk

shovel the drive

play with the dog.

I see you little snowflake

at first glance

you are beautiful

but I am not impressed

Go back where you came from!

You are not welcome here!

S-E-X

2011-01-24T17:37:00.004-05:00

Every night, our bedtime routine is the same. Everyone, including the dog, walks Noah into his room and tells him good night. I give him a kiss and Zoe climbs up in his bed so she can give him a kiss (and have an excuse to be in his loft bed which she loves). Then, we go to Zoe's room and have to kiss Zoe and various different stuffed animals and wish them all good night.

Last night, Zoe climbed up on Noah's bed to kiss him good night and, like every night, Noah tried to push her away because he doesn't like her kissing him. Except last night, Noah started saying, "No sex, Zoe! NO SEX!! "

I was stunned.

ME: (casually) What did you say?

NOAH: I said, "No sex!"

ME: What does that mean?

NOAH: That's odd. YOU don't know what sex means?

ME: Yes, I know what sex means. I've just never heard you use that word before and was wondering if you knew what it meant.

NOAH: Umm.. YEAH.. it means kissing in bed.

ME: (silently thanking all that is holy that was what he thought it meant) And where did you hear about that?

NOAH: I just know it.

ME: Well, someone had to have said that word or told you what it meant.

NOAH: Nope. I just know it. Kissing in bed.

ME: Well, I just want to say that there is nothing wrong with your three-year-old sister kissing you good night.

NOAH: Okay. You know what else??

ME: (bracing for "what else") What?

NOAH: It smells like poop in here. I think the dog farted! (collapsing in a fit of giggles)

Today I am thankful for:

1. The short attention span of a seven-year-old.

2. The naivete of a seven-year-old.

And most importantly for:

3. The fact that potty humor trumps cool new words that get a rise out of your mother any day.

Failures

2011-01-22T21:07:00.005-05:00

Do you ever have those days when you feel that you fail at everything you do? Those days when everything seems to go wrong and just taunt you with your own shortcomings?

**********

As I type this, Noah is in his room throwing things at his door and screaming, " I hate you! I LITERALLY hate you!" Yes, he is really using the word, "literally". This tantrum is comparable to a Zoe fit. He spent all morning and afternoon putting together his Hagrid's Hut Lego kit. He brought it in the living room for me to see earlier and was so proud. I praised him but told him to be careful carrying it around, because those things were not meant to be moved. He set it on the end table and played with it off and on all day.

Around 8, I told them both that I desperately needed a shower and they should play nicely and get along. I only needed about 20 minutes. They agreed. Less than two minutes after I closed and locked the bathroom door, I heard Noah crying. I also heard Zoe asking him what was wrong, so I knew she didn't do it. He responded by yelling at her. I quickly hopped in the shower and washed my hair, all the while listening to Noah wailing like a baby. I got out of the shower and it turns out, when I went in the bathroom, he tried picking up Hagrid's Hut and moving it over to the couch and it fell apart. He was crying that it was going to take him a week to put it back together. I let him know I was very sorry it was broken, but I told him to leave it in one place and it was not meant to be moved. He started screaming at me.

I don't care how upset he is, I will not tolerate him treating me that way, so I scooped up the pieces of Hagrid's Hut and took them to his room and told him he was going to bed. He tried to pick up the large piece still in tact and while walking through the living room, dropped it causing it to shatter into a million pieces. At that point, he laid down in the floor and started failing and screaming like a toddler. I calmly picked him up and took him in his room. I told him it was obviously time for him to go to bed and it was at that point he started screaming and throwing things. I put him in the bed and closed the door. He hasn't come out.. but he is making it clear he "literally hates" me.

**********

When we adopted our dog, we noted that her previous owners had obviously worked with her and trained her. She follows several commands and was very well-behaved. The thing we noticed and liked most was she had been trained not to jump up on people. She would wag her tail furiously, pace around you and lick you to death, but she did not jump. Since DJ left, her behavior has changed. She does not listen to me. I use a firm voice and raise my voice, but she won't mind me. The last few times people have come over, she has jumped up on them and when I try and scold her, she just doesn't listen. She keeps jumping. I noticed today, that now, when I go outside with her, she jumps up on me. Full force, paws on my chest, almost knocked me down. I scolded her and she got down. But as soon as I started walking, she jumped again.

Score two for me- even the dog doesn't listen to me.

**********

A dear friend was over yesterday and we were discussing Noah's recent behavior and Zoe's general behavior. Zoe has started spitting at people when she is mad. The friend told me that she used to admire my patience with my children. She understood and saw that Zoe was more challenging than most kids and that I was on top of her as far as reacting immediately when Zoe did things like spit. But, she realized the flip side of the coin was that perhaps I was too patient. She thinks Zoe's behavior is because I am TOO patient. She said her daughter spit at her once and she immediately smacked her face and the shock factor caused her daughter to realized she had done something majorly wrong and she never did it again. She suggested that my patience is causing the problems. She also pointed out that once, when she was watching Zoe for me, Zoe was eating lunch and threw her food on the floor. My friend immediately popped Zoe on the hand and it shocked Zoe and she quit. She said a few weeks later, I was over at her house and we were eating lunch and Zoe acted like she was going to spit out her food and I got very stern and said, "Zoe, DO NOT spit out your food!" and Zoe stopped and swallowed. She said I looked very happy that she listened to me, but what I didn't see was that when Zoe stopped, she cut her eyes sideways at my friend- remembering the smack on the hand she received- and THEN she swallowed.

Score three for me- other people can parent my children- but I suck at it.

**********

And lastly- I honestly don't know why I expect the dog and the kids to listen to me when no one else takes me seriously. People think they are subtle, but I notice. I cannot tell you how many times- VERY OFTEN- I am talking to someone and then realized they have totally tuned me out and are focusing their attention elsewhere. How many times I just stop mid-sentence and they don't even notice. Seriously, it happens a lot. So.. yes... if adults don't take me seriously, why should I expect my children or the dog to.

And the fact is- when I was younger- I was interesting. I was intelligent. I was funny. I always had a great story to tell or something interesting or funny to say. I could carry on a conversation with almost anyone. I could banter, debate and discuss almost anything.

Now? I can tell you how much the kids and the dog weigh. I can tell you who Max and Ruby and Phineas and Ferb are. I know which day is cheese pizza day at the elementary school and what time Zoe eats lunch and snack at preschool. I know when to put Noah in sweats for gym day and what location and time to deliver Zoe to tumble tots and Noah to soccer practice.

But who cares about all that? No one needs to know that information but me. And all the other stuff? The pop culture stuff and newsworthy things? I would love to know about it... but I'm just too tired. And defeated.

Conversations With Zoe

2011-01-18T15:54:00.002-05:00

Upon picking Zoe up from school this afternoon I was met with this conversation:

ZOE: Mommy? What does "crap" mean?

ME: Ummm... that's not a very nice word. We shouldn't say "crap".

ZOE: (looking completely confused) "Crap" not a nice word?

ME: Where did you hear it?

ZOE: At school. We singed about it.

ME: Okay.... well, why don't you sing the song to me and maybe I can tell you what word you are talking about.

ZOE: (singing) Crap it open, crap it open, crap it oooopen just now...

ME: Ohhhhhh!!! Is this the "Found A Peanut" song?

ZOE: Yeah! (singing again) Crap it open, crap it open crap it oooopen just now.....

I did correct her. But I didn't want to. I kind of like, "crap it open".

So This is Why Animals Eat Their Young

2011-01-16T14:39:00.005-05:00

My kids are acting weird. Like- full moon weird- but it isn't going away.

Let's start with Noah. Normally a well-behaved kid, he suddenly has forgotten all manners when out in public. Some friends took us to dinner Friday evening for a belated birthday dinner for me. Noah just got up from the table and started wandering around the restaurant. I told him to come sit down and he did, and then he got right back up and I thought he was going to the bathroom, but he went all the way across the restaurant and was just standing over by another table of diners staring at them and the decorations on the wall around them. At some point, I was so wrapped up in dealing with the constant attention required of a three-year-old that I didn't realize Noah went missing again. I looked around for him and he had slid out of his chair and was rolling around on the floor. He's SEVEN YEARS OLD!!

Today, I took the kids to brunch at one of our favorite local restaurants and I had the same problem. I took Zoe to the restroom and came back and saw that he had taken his shoes off. Before that, he was slumped all the way down in his seat practically lying down and by the time we were getting ready to leave, he was loudly making weird noises. I kept throwing THE LOOK at him and threatening his life, but he didn't seem to care.

As for Zoe- she has suddenly decided to become a control freak and decide that she doesn't like to go to the bathroom. Ever. She holds it until she can't hold it anymore and has an accident. This started before her father left, so that has nothing to do with it. I cannot think of any reason she is doing this other than control. She wants to control the situation. She hasn't had problems with using the restroom since school started and now all of a sudden, we are having to carry spare clothes around with us everywhere. Even when I force her to sit on the toilet, she is screaming and crying that she doesn't have to go WHILE she is peeing. Defiant to the very end.

Her first day back at school after the Christmas break, she wet herself and peed all over the chair and floor in the computer area. When we went to dinner Friday night, I took her to the bathroom in the restaurant and she cried and insisted she didn't have to go while I held her on the toilet. She didn't go and after a few minutes and turning on the sink, I let her get down. When we left the restaurant- it was FIFTEEN DEGREES outside! I stood in the freezing cold buckling her in her carseat, closed the door and went around to get in the driver's seat. I put the van in reverse and she said, "Help! I pee-peed in my panties!" I had to get out, get her spare clothes out of the back of the van, unstrap her and change her while standing in FIFTEEN DEGREE WEATHER.

Saturday, after she woke up I told her to go to the bathroom. She went in there and I heard her fumbling around, flushing the toilet and the sink running as she washed her hands. A few hours later, she suddenly started crying and I looked over to where she was lying on the couch and saw that she had just peed all over herself and the couch. It was a lot... and very evident she did not go earlier when she told me she did.

Yesterday, she got up and went to the bathroom. She insisted she had gone and flushed the potty before I could get in there to verify it. Then, later, she casually came up to me and said she needed new panties. When asked, she insisted she did not pee in her panties and could not remember where she had put her panties. I wouldn't let her have new ones until the old ones were located and when I opened the door to the laundry hamper she started screaming, " No!!!" and I knew I had located the evidence. There were the wet panties. In spite of my holding the very thing that proved her guilt, she still insisted she did NOT pee in her panties.

Today, we had no incidents. At least none that I was aware of. When I went to put her to bed, I was picking up some of the toys lying around her room and found a stash of obviously-soiled underwear under her wardrobe. I have no idea how long they have been there or if all of that happened today. Keeping with her presumed innocence, she insists she did not do it. Noah did.

If Noah has been pee-ing in her princess panties and stashing them, we definitely have more issues than I had anticipated.

Deployment- Days 5-8

2011-01-12T20:41:00.004-05:00

I haven't been blogging about these days because none of them were full enough to warrant an entire blog post. And then the snow happened. It wasn't as bad as initially predicted, but my back still hurts from shoveling it.

Day five was Sunday- it was a pretty laid back day. Zoe has started to question when DJ is coming home and no matter how I try to explain it to her, she just isn't understanding that he isn't just right down the road and can't just come home. She knows he went on an airplane-but we live near an air force base and she sees them every day. Every time one is taking off or landing, she thinks her daddy is on it. In an effort to try and get her to understand, we got out the globe and I showed here where we lived. Then I showed her where Texas was and she knows that is where all the grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins live. Then, we spun it around and showed her where her daddy was. She was excited to look, but I am still not sure she really understood.

Day six- Monday- while the kids were in school, I attempted to make the house a little festive for Valentine's Day. I made the "Love" sign with scraps from my scrapbook stash and die-cut letters from my Cricut.

Monday evening, Noah started his indoor soccer practices. The practice was from 7-8 which seemed really late and we were all exhausted by the time we got home and got everyone to bed. I'm sorry for the poor quality of photo- all I had with me was my cell phone and, of course, they were moving and a distance from where we were sitting. That's Noah kicking on the goal.

On Tuesday, day seven, Zoe awoke sneezing, snotty and with that awful croup-y barking cough. I kept her home from school and she drove me bananas all day long!! I received a package in the mail with a surprise for me. My mother had my favorite bakery back home ship some cookies to us in anticipation of my birthday coming up. Zoe and I feasted on cookies and fought over the television.

Since she clearly felt fine, I took her to her first Tumble Tots that evening (a gross motor class- kind of like the Gymboree classes). She was initially angry because she wanted me to sign her up for ballet, but when we got there, she really enjoyed it and had a ball! Again, sorry for the poor photo- I didn't take my camera because parental participation was required and I didn't think I would be able to tote the camera around while playing with her. This was taken from my cell and is blurry from all the movement.

Tuesday night at about nine, we got the automated call from the school district that there would be no school today because of the impending snow storm. The snow started around eight or nine and it snowed until three this morning. We ended up with seven inches (not nearly as bad as they had initially anticipated).

I got up this morning, dreading shoveling us out all by myself. I decided I would quickly put on my boots and coat and shovel a small path from the doorway so the dog could go to the bathroom and would shovel the rest later. When I walked out the door, half of my driveway (the tough half- the bottom where the plow truck piles all the snow) had been shoveled. The teenagers across the street shoveled for me. I was so happy and thankful! So, I shoveled the sidewalk, a place in the yard for the dog and the other half of the driveway and went inside to feed the kids breakfast. After they were fed, I got dressed and went back outside and shoveled a path through the yard to the mailbox, around the mailbox so the mail truck can get in and a path to wheel the garbage cans and recycle bins out to the road. It could have been so much worse, but my back is still hurting me this evening.

While I was shoveling a path to the mailbox, the UPS truck pulled up and honked. My dad had ordered me one of those massaging chair pads and what timing! I took it inside and plugged it in and got a massage! Woohoo!

After lunch, the kids wanted to go sledding. We got everyone stuffed into their snow clothes, I dug my way to the shed to get the sled out and we packed the car and took off. On the way there, the clouds began to move back in and by the time we got there, the wind had picked up and was really blowing. As soon as we stepped out of the car, Zoe let me know she was NOT happy!
I got a little bit angry and told the kids they wanted to sled and we drove all the way out there and we were going down that hill at least once! I drug them both out to the hill, both crying and complaining, and Noah refused to get on the sled. Zoe and I got on and she cried and screamed all the way down the hill and then refused to walk back up. Noah had followed us down on foot to continue complaining to me about how NOT FUN the entire outing was, so I said, "Fine! Let's go!" And then Noah refused to climb the hill and I had to pull them both up the hill in the sled with the wind trying to push us back down.

On the way home, I had my point-and-shoot camera and I took a couple of random pictures. This first one is the pile of snow left behind by the snow plows. If you think that is big, you should see the parking lot of our grocery store!

The second is just blowing snow as we passed an open field.

Tomorrow, one of my friends is taking me out to lunch for my birthday and then on Friday night, our adopted family- the people that have invited us to spend every Christmas eve with them for the past four of five years, is taking the kids and I out to dinner for my birthday. I really feel like a lucky girl. Sometimes, I get caught up in the loneliness of being a military spouse and how my best friends and my family are so far away. And how when I do manage to make really good friends where I am at, they always seem to move away and then I have to start all over again. I get wrapped up in feeling sorry for myself and then something like that happens to remind me that there are people all around me that care for me and I just need to remember to reach out to them.

And now, looking forward to another day down and another day closer to seeing my husband again.

Really- Now WHY Didn't I Just See This Coming?

2011-01-09T23:05:00.004-05:00

Upon entering the room, the smell of urine was pungent.

All the usual spots were checked- floor, around the toilet, under the lid of the toilet, baseboards behind the toilet.... no evidence was found of an errant stream.

Surfaces were bleached.

The room now smelled like bleach-y pee.

"What the heck is going on?"

"I'm way too neurotic to live with a bathroom that smells like a bus station."

"Is THIS what the apocalypse is going to be like? My own personal hell? First birds fall from the sky, then fish die, now my bathroom is going to smell like the Exxon station loo for all eternity?"

"Ouch!"

"Stupid little potty! I don't know why I keep that thing in here anyway. I know it was for emergency use since we only have one bathroom. She's not quite good enough yet to hold it should the toilet be occupied. But, she hasn't had to use it. Look at it, it's just collecting dust! Yuck!"

"Okay, I'm going to mop the floor one more time and wipe the toilet, around the toilet and the wall behind the toilet down with the bleach spray."

"Oh, that bathroom rug should go in the washer, too. "

"While I'm over here, I'm just going to scrub the tub real quick."

" You know, before I scrub the tub down, I'm going to put that little potty in here and rinse the dust off of it, take it apart and store it in the closet. That will free up some floor space. Stupid house with one bathroom! I hate New Jersey!"

"What the...?"

"Oh ewwwwwww! Yuck! So THAT is where the smell has been coming from! This has clearly been here awhile. "

"Apparently, at some point, she peed, removed the little bowl, dumped it into the cavity where the bowl once sat, replaced the bowl over the top and like a dope, I've been just wiping down the surface of the potty. How was I supposed to know there was pee INSIDE? But then, I really should have anticipated that. Especially after this. And this."

"Why do I have such a problem with my three-year-old and urine in places it should not be?"

Parenting Failure number 824,792. This year. And it's only January 9.

Day 4- Snow, Crafts, Snarky Boy and More Snow

2011-01-08T22:57:00.007-05:00

We woke up this morning and it was snowing.

The kids and I went out to my craft room/sun room and decided to make a paper chain with a link for every day of the deployment so we can tear one off at the end of each day and visibly see the length getting shorter. This was suggested to me by several different people and I thought it was a good idea, but was afraid that since Noah is so literal, if the deployment went beyond 120 days (and I am told most of them do), he would be really angry. So, I cut out 148 links to hopefully cover the whole thing. Now if it goes beyond 148 days, the government is going to have to deal with Noah- it is out of my hands at that point.

That's a lot of links!!

It looks a little intimidating right now, but hopefully, as it shrinks, it will be so encouraging.

Since we are already 4 days in, we removed 4 links!

YAY! 4 down!!

Then, we decided to make Valentine cards for Daddy. I will have to make mine at a later date, because I spent the entire time fulfilling requests to open sticker packets, help with marker caps, help with stamping, etc.

This was supposed to be Noah with Zoe's card in the foreground,but Zoe popped up and messed up the whole focus.

inside Zoe's card

inside Noah's card- I blocked out our last name- he's such a goofball, signing his last name on a card to his daddy!

After we made cards, the kids were hungry. I made meatballs with rice and gravy. Zoe and I eat the meatballs and Noah just eats the rice and gravy. They both helped me make the meatballs and put them in the pan and then Zoe fell asleep. At this point, Noah was sitting at the kitchen table and told me, "Taking pictures of food is lame." Umm.. excuse me... when did I become the parent of a fourteen-year-old?

Then, Noah informed me I had better hurry up and make the gravy and I told him I had to wait until the meatballs were finished. He had no idea the gravy came from the meatballs and he was fascinated. He pulled up a chair and watched me make it. I explained every step of the process to him and told him if he would learn to cook and make a good gravy and/or roux, he would be golden because girls love a guy who can cook.

He stared at me with that look he gives so well that makes me think he wants to say, "You are such an idiot." and instead came up with, "Unless she is a vegetarian."

If he's bringing home a vegetarian one day, he'd better not move back to Texas. I mean, I am on probation and at risk of losing my Texan card because I only eat beef and chicken. I don't like pork, any kind of game or seafood. That also comes dangerously close to getting me disowned by the cajun side of my family. But a full-on vegetarian? That would be blasphemy!

We survived day 4- and I shoveled and salted the driveway, sidewalk and a path to the mailbox. It wasn't too bad- I'm guessing three inches. But the meteorologists are all in gloom/doom/snowpocalypse mode over Tuesday.

We will just have to wait and see what Tuesday holds.

I'm hoping it's a margarita and seventy degrees- or two tickets to somewhere tropical. Because then Tuesday would be my best friend ever. And Tuesday and I could make each other bracelets and trade Swatch watches.

No?

Day 3- Plan B

2011-01-07T23:24:00.004-05:00

Tonight was supposed to be a Family Movie Night at Zoe's school. The kids have been looking forward to it all week- we were supposed to bring them in their pajamas, bring dinner ( I promised McDonald's) and the movie, popcorn and drinks would be provided. Unfortunately, because of the snow this morning, when I dropped Zoe off at school there was a sign announcing it had been canceled.

Activate Plan B.

Movie and popcorn at home.

I knew it wouldn't be as exciting as going somewhere else since we do this all the time, so I picked up some little plastic popcorn containers in the dollar bin at Target. While I was there, I saw the Charlie Brown Valentine movie for just $10 and picked it up as well.

We went to McDonald's as planned, then ate popcorn and watched the movie in our pajamas. Since the movie was really short, I had also rented Ramona and Beezus from the Redbox and we all really enjoyed that one.

After the movie, I got the kids ready for bed and told them they could sleep in my bed. Unfortunately, it turned into a big fiasco and after some shuffling around, fighting, screaming, crying, going back to individual bedrooms and then back to my room several times, it finally ended up at 10:30 with Noah in his room and Zoe in my bed. Noah will sleep with me next Friday night and Zoe ended up crying herself to sleep in my room because Noah left. (I feel the need to add a disclaimer for that wall color in my bedroom. Our bedroom is the only room in our house we have not repainted since we bought it. We did not pick that awful mustard color [it was there when we moved in -and sadly, the ceiling is painted that color too!!] we have just always invested our money into the rest of the house and the kids' rooms. Painting our bedroom is at the top of our list of projects still left to finish.)

Tomorrow, we are now looking at 2"- 6" of snow. I just don't have anything to say about that.

Day 2

2011-01-06T21:43:00.006-05:00

Today was low-key. Both kids seemed to have a good day both at home and at school. When I picked Zoe up from preschool, her teacher said she had a good day- no problems at all. Of course then she didn't want to leave and I had to beg and plead with her to hurry up and clean up her mess so we could go and be home in time for her brother's bus. I have missed it twice this year and I fear if I miss it again, I will get in trouble.

We made it home in plenty of time for Noah's bus (thankfully!) and as soon as he got off the bus, we packed up in the van- complete with Daddy Doll- and went to Sonic for dinner. My sister-in-law gave us some Sonic gift cards for Christmas- so dinner was on her! YAY!

When we got home, I pulled out a new game that was given to me by a parent from Noah's school who was clearing out some of her kids' toys. They loved it! It was a little difficult for them, so I let Noah cheat a little bit and as long as the buzzer didn't just blatantly go off, a few little buzzes were okay. I followed the rules since my dexterity is a little better and we let Zoe have it no matter how much the buzzer went off, because just using those tweezers was hard enough for a three-year-old! Everyone had a blast and, of course, Zoe won.

Leprechaun Power!

Hooray!

We are expecting snow in the morning, but very little. I am hoping not enough to delay school- Noah, of course, is hoping for a snow day. That is, until I politely reminded him that each day he gets out for snow gets tacked on to the end of the school year.

Day One

2011-01-05T21:43:00.007-05:00

In order to comfort the kids, I have been telling them that we will surely miss Daddy on this deployment, but that it will be an adventure and we will do fun things together to pass the time. I realized today that is an abstract statement and while it probably sounds appealing, they have no idea what to expect. Therefore, I am planning on doing something special with them every day (and not beating myself up if I fall short on some days). It doesn't have to be anything big, just something like playing a game together or allowing them to sleep in my room one night on the weekend (that is huge, we NEVER let them sleep in our room).

The kids got a Hallmark book for Christmas from my mom where you can record a voice reading the book and we had DJ record the story for them so they could play it at night. I also ordered Zoe a Daddy Doll which she loves and is already carrying everywhere she goes.

Today, I stopped by the public library and checked out the book Flat Stanley by Jeff Brown. When the kids got home from school, I read it to them and we made Flat Zoe and Flat Noah and decorated them to send to Daddy in his first care package. Zoe insisted we make Flat Mommy and Flat Lindy (the dog) as well. They had a blast making them, and we had Zoe's Daddy Doll sitting in the empty chair at the table to preside over the festivities.

Notice Daddy Doll sitting in the chair

left to right: Flat Zoe, Flat Mommy, Flat Lindy, Flat Noah

After we were done, I told them I had another special treat. I found a tiny little cake at the grocery store today for $2.99 and bought it as a celebration of making it through our first day of the deployment. Of course they loved it- who doesn't love cake?

One day behind us. Approximately 119 to go.

Empty

2011-01-04T21:50:00.004-05:00

It's funny how the heart works.

A few hours ago, I drove home, I unbuckled the youngest from her carseat, unlocked the house, walked in and began preparing dinner. Just like almost every other day. But this one was different. Not completely out of the ordinary, mind you, but different from an average day.

Half my heart left today- for one hundred and twenty days. And since I've been a military wife for twelve years, this is nothing new to me. I've done this before. Yes, I now know what to expect, what to do in his absence and I've matured and learned to handle it all much better. But, it isn't any easier than it was that very first time that he left.

I walked in the house today and I was overcome by that empty feeling. The same empty feeling that overcomes me every single time he leaves. Suddenly, I am that twenty-six-year-old newlywed that landed in a foreign country six days after her wedding. Then, nine days after landing in that foreign country, drove back to my house off-base without my husband because he had just deployed. I walked through the door, the emptiness overwhelmed me and I looked around our home- the place that just didn't even feel like home yet, and I felt lost. I felt every mile that separated the two of us and I felt every mile that separated me from the United States where all of my friends and family were. That first day was the hardest. It always is. Then, I went to bed and I woke up with that first day behind me and low and behold, I had survived. And it was a little easier than the day before it. That is how I made it through that deployment- one day at a time. That is how I have made it through every deployment since.

Yes, technically, this is "old hat" for me. But it isn't any easier. And tonight, I sit with that empty feeling in the pit of my stomach and I feel that twenty-six-year-old newlywed crying, lost and lonely. I reassure her that everything will be okay and when she wakes up tomorrow, it will be one day closer to the day he is home again.

And so she and I will take it one day at a time.

A Tale of Two Dresses

2010-12-31T17:59:00.005-05:00

[Mad as the] Dickens

It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. It was summer. It was winter. It was bright and cheery. It was gray and dreary. It was the reason for countless struggles. It was the reason for unbridled joy.

One was long-sleeved and adorned with festive penguins.

One was short-sleeved and adorned with glitter.

In spite of a closet full of dresses, outfits, sparkly pants and Tinkerbell shirts, these were the only two acceptable options for wear. The possessor of these treasures had handpicked them from her collection and nothing else could compare to their splendor.

Maternal nerves frayed. Headaches originated. Tantrums commenced. Shoes were thrown. Little legs froze in sub-freezing weather.

All for the sole purpose of fashion.

Fashion as determined and defined by a three-year-old.

And so the other clothes all hung, untouched, in the closet and longed to be touched, worn, CHOSEN.

All at the expense of two dresses.

THE dresses.

In her eyes...

...perfection.

Passive Aggressive Letters from the Edge

2010-12-13T14:07:00.004-05:00

Dear Dog,

When I come home, don't jump off the couch you were not supposed to be on in the first place and run go lie in your bed and pretend you've been there all day. The couch is still warm and there are nose/tongue smears on the window.

So, unless there is a very warm and slobbery ghost in my house, you are sooo busted.

Signed,

Don't Tick Off the Hand that Feeds You

Naughty or Nice?

2010-12-07T08:32:00.003-05:00

I'm sorry for the lack of posts, but we are having some serious discipline problems with my daughter right now- as in I've had to go up to her school regarding them- and all of the creativity and energy is just being sucked right out of me right now.

In honor of my daughter's bad behavior, I will repost the story of her naughty visit to see Santa last year that I was almost certain would result in her being moved to the naughty list.

This was posted on November 30, 2009:

**************************************************

We don't do Mall Santa. The one and only time we did Mall Santa was November 2003 when Noah was three months old and I was visiting home in Texas. We went to the mall there and it was so totally NOT crowded ( I know the people that are from Southeast TX are going to argue with me, but trust me, it's NOT crowded- try a mall in Jersey!).

Since then, we have always been here for Christmas and I am NOT standing in line for two hours with small children to see Santa. That is a recipe for an epic tantrum. I'm not sure if that tantrum would be mine or my children's, but I don't intend to find out, either. Still, we always manage to find some Santa substitute each year, usually at DJ's squadron children's party.

Yesterday, we needed to go to Penney's and didn't feel like driving to the real (meaning: decent) mall, so we went to our local crap mall. I'm not exaggerating.. this mall still has Penney's, Sears and Macy's and that is all that is keeping it afloat ( that and the Chuck E Cheese in the parking lot). There is also a Bath and Body Works and a Victoria's Secret, but all the other major retailers ( Gap, Children's Place, Express, Limited...) all gone! That's what I mean.. crap mall.

So, we're walking through the crap mall to verify that it is still in fact, CRAP, and we walk through the center to see... Santa! Santa was smiling and waving and "ho ho ho"-ing to everyone who passed. No line. So we decided, what the heck... we haven't been sufficiently tortured today and Zoe has had no major meltdowns yet, so what better than Mall Santa to throw Zoe into a frenzy?

Now, I have to admit, Mall Santa was really good. He discreetly found out the kids' names ahead of time so he could address them by name. He spoke very calmly and sweetly to Zoe, keeping his distance. He suggested that maybe I just have Noah stand next to him rather than sit in his lap and get Zoe to stand on the other side using Noah as a buffer between herself and the overgrown jolly one. We got quite a few shots that included my arm holding a very unhappy Zoe in place, some of a blur of Zoe running away and then Santa pulled out the candy canes.

Stop the presses, the creepy stranger has candy! Zoe was suddenly very interested! Of course she still wasn't going within a thirty foot radius of him. Noah and Santa were instructed to just keep staring at the camera and smiling no matter what. Zoe's need for the sweet striped confection within the jolly old elf's grasp overpowered the stranger danger and she was lured in. She crept over to him and grabbed the candy cane, but still had her back to the camera. DJ and I called out, " Zoe!! What do you have??" and she turned toward the camera, pointed at us to tell us, "No!!" ( as in, "You two keep out of this!!") and the photographer snapped the shot in that small nanosecond because what followed that tiny moment captured on film, was a series of events that are sure to make Santa rethink Zoe's "naughty or nice" status on his list.

So, Zoe snagged the candy cane, turned to yell, " No!" at myself and DJ, and in one fluid movement, whirled around, smacked an unsuspecting Noah in the head with the candy cane ( on purpose, not on accident), threw her head back, let out a maniacal laugh and ran off! There was silence for a moment then Noah yelped, " Owwww Zoe!!!", Santa snickered under his breath and DJ and I stared helplessly at the photographer who was beaming from ear to ear because she had the shot!

"We'll take it!" we announced in unison and left with a ridiculously overpriced photo and lofty dreams of coal in Zoe's stocking Christmas morning!