Never Wear Black to a Bowling Alley (On Base, In England, On a Saturday Night)

Over the years, I have directly and indirectly given you tips and hints.  If my personal experiences can make things easier for you, then why not pass on that knowledge.  I'm a giver like that.   There was the time I demonstrated for y'all how you should most definitely NOT get a fish as well as the time I showed you how to survive a camping trip in a pop-up camper.  And let's not forget all the many blogs about how to survive a red-headed toddler/pre-schooler/well, Zoe, really.  Oh, and how to survive being lost in a corn maze- I still have nightmares about that one- as well as how NOT to argue with my husband because he will always trump you.  And perhaps the most important lesson I have shared with you all- NEVER, I repeat, NEVER get sucked into a tabata workout!

How's that for a load of links to read if you are bored?

So- back to the reason for this post.  My newest tip:  NEVER wear black to a bowling alley.

Perhaps I should elaborate.

A few weeks ago, Zoe was invited to a birthday party at the bowling alley on base.  It is getting all spring-y around here, so I made sure to remember that Zoe had to wear socks to go with the bowling shoes and thought nothing of my attire since I was not bowling.  I wore one of my favorite summer shirts- a black puffy blouse- and finally shed my boots for spring-appropriate shoes.

Delighted with the spring-like temperatures and the fact we had just begun spring break and still had a blissful eight days of vacation ahead of us, I pranced in the bowling alley in my warm-weather top and shoes.  The wind was a bit chilly, so I was wearing a light jacket.  I walked over to the lanes reserved for the party and the lights were off because it was a "cosmic bowling party".  This means they turn the lights off and turn on black lights.

Still oblivious to the impending disaster,  I sat down with some moms I knew and began to chat.  It got a little warm in there, so I removed my jacket.   I noticed with slight horror that every tiny piece of lint stuck to that shirt (that you cannot see in the regular light) was glowing and I looked like I had some radioactive case of dandruff.   I considered putting my jacket back on, but my personal level of comfort (i.e. NOT being hot) overrode my pride in my appearance.  So... I continued to proudly sport my glowing lint until a good while later, when I looked down at the lint again and the site of something caught my eye- and caused my heart to stop.

You see... in normal light, that black shirt is completely opaque, so I wore my favorite bra- a white one.  Unfortunately under a black light, a white bra shines through a black shirt like a beacon in the darkest night.  Not one person mentioned it and I would like to think it is because it wasn't that noticeable.  But I think it was more like people were being nice.

Or they were quietly taking photos for instagram and I am now being ridiculed on some website somewhere documenting when military spouses go wrong.

You know, like People of Walmart but with black lights.  It's a good thing we're leaving soon.