This past weekend was our annual squadron picnic at a park/playground on base. The time was listed as 11- whenever. We arrived at 11:30 and the kids immediately began to run around and play. Since this was our last squadron function, we stayed for quite awhile hanging out and talking to friends. In fact, they actually started taking down the tents and bouncy castles around us. The husbands went to help and my friend Karyn and I sat in our chairs, chatted and watched the children play. We sat, and sat and SAT until it was almost 7pm and the only people left were her family, my family, the squadron commander's family and one other family.
The squadron commander walked over and said, "Hey- why don't we just move this party over to my house? I live about a mile from here, we can order pizza and put a movie on for the kids."
I hesitated.
Not because I didn't want to go over there, but because Zoe was tired, and hungry. And Zoe is prone to epic meltdowns. Once she crosses the threshold into one of these meltdowns, there is no stopping it. We normally just put her in her room and leave her alone for the duration (or remove her from the situation if we are not home).
My friend Karyn said she thought they were going and wanted to know if we were going too. I informed her of my concerns- "If Zoe has one of her meltdowns in front of the commander, I will be mortally embarrassed."
Karyn: "Well, I don't think she could top the first time we went over there. (Her son) decided to open the craft paint in the playroom and paint the carpet, the wall, the desk, etc."
Me: "Wow! Yeah- that makes me feel better. But a meltdown wouldn't be pretty either."
We decided to go. We had a great time- ate pizza, drank wine and sat around a fire pit chatting while the kids watched movies inside. Zoe was so good- quiet and well-behaved. But as I stepped inside to tell the kids it was time to go, the sight before me made me realize that perhaps the universe heard Karyn's statement that Zoe couldn't top what her son did and thought to itself, "Challenge accepted!"
Let's back up a minute.
When Zoe was about a year old, she started lying in the middle of the floor on her stomach and, well, pleasuring herself. She only does it when she is tired, but it is obvious what she is doing because she lies on her stomach and makes a motion like a dog humping a leg. Seriously.
I never wanted to make her think it was wrong, so I told her repeatedly as a baby that it was okay to do that, but she needed to go in her room to do it (as opposed to her preferred location- right in the middle of the living room floor). As she got older and understood more, I elaborated and told her it was private and she needed to do it in her room alone. For the most part, she follows this rule, but sometimes, when she is really tired, she will drop right where she is and start humping the floor.
Which leads me to the moment we decided it was late and time to go. I walked into the living room to find all the kids lined up on the couch watching the movie. All except for Zoe. Zoe was lying on her stomach, straddling a giant teddy bear, humping his tail.
Go back and read it again if you have to.
No one said anything- but I can't see how they missed what was going on.
Dear Universe: Challenge accepted and mission completed. Thanks for that.
Chaos Family public self-gratification moment at the commander's house for the win!!
(I'm kind of glad we are leaving now)
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Thursday, July 26, 2012
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Flashback Post- Two Years Later and Some Things Haven't Changed
The Chaos Family is in chaos mode right now getting ready for our big move. I can't wait to blog about our adventures in England, but I just am not finding the time to write right now with the long to-do list I have that keeps getting longer.
I was just scrolling through old posts and came across one that I found funny- because I posted it in July 2010- two years ago. And, I would say things pretty much haven't changed- except for the fact that Zoe isn't in diapers anymore- everything else is the same. Enjoy.
It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. It was the summer of 2010 and far on the other side of the Delaware River in the Kingdom of Jersey (Phyllum: Crazy) lay a sleepy little cottage.
You know the one. There is one in your neighborhood. The one where you tell your children not to go. Because the kids look feral. Dirty. Wild.
Yep, that's my house. I never wanted to be THAT house. As a toddler, my son was always well-dressed and coordinated with cute little hats. He rarely got very dirty. I used to see little girls with pretty dresses and bows in their hair and dream of having one of my own someday to compliment my beautiful, well-dressed little boy.
I got a girl. But she doesn't like to wear hats, or barrettes, or pony tails. She doesn't like anything in her hair and her hair is quite wild without restraint of some kind. She loves dresses, but she shows them no mercy. She rolls in the dirt while wearing them.
I digress.
Back to my story:
The sleepy little cottage appeared serene and tidy. But looks were deceiving. One day, a neighborhood child knocked on the door of this seemingly-innocent home. The door was answered by a somewhat well-mannered little boy and the two children exchanged greetings and plans to play outside. Parental permission was granted and the two proceeded outside to withdraw the cease fire on the Nerf wars issued the previous day due to overbearing mothers and their insistence that the troops shower and go to bed.
While standing in the front yard, discussing the day's strategy, a naked, unkempt figure appeared in the full-glass storm door. The figure- presumably a little girl- had only minutes before been dressed fully in a charming little sundress she insisted on with hair put up in a neat and tidy pony tail with matching hair elastic. What stood before the door now, was a completely naked, diaper-less, pony tail-less unkempt wild animal with her tongue sticking out, thrashing her head around with red hair flying wildly about, giggling maniacally and dancing, PURPOSELY naked in front of the door. The mother heard the little boy scream, her son say, " Oh my God. That's my sister. She doesn't like to wear any clothes." apologetically, and then her father yell, "GO PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!"
The feral child changed clothes (and disrobed) no less than twelve times throughout the day. She spent her day sabotaging the Nerf wars, breaking the toys, hitting, biting, spitting, screaming, and yes, dancing naked for the troops. She also spent a good part of the day in time-out. By the end of that day, her mother was greeted by a child, dirty from head to foot, with wild, stringy hair hanging in her face but clumped together by some unknown sticky substance, wearing a shirt, but no pants and her shoes lost long ago. For a minute, she thought perhaps she had located, by giving birth to, the elusive legendary Jersey Devil; but then, It giggled at her with the toothiest grin, and she sighed, smiled and leaned down to kiss the dirty, clumpy little head.
Because everyone has a mother that thinks they are beautiful.
Even the Jersey Devil.
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
The Things We Leave Behind....
Since the last time I posted, we have received our official orders which means we can now start scheduling things for our move. We drove to Texas and stayed a week to say goodbye to all of our family members and to leave our dog with my mother. Thanks to my mother for offering to give her a home for the next three years.
I would also like to thank my dad and stepmom for hosting a going away party at their house to provide a central location where our family could meet to see us, hang out and say goodbye. It saved us a lot of traveling from house to house in a short amount of time.
Upon arrival back to New Jersey, we promptly bought paint to touch up the nail holes in the wall and several items we need in order to bring our house up to code to pass inspection for a rental property. It was the moment I took the pictures off the wall that it really hit me. We are leaving.
After twelve years in New Jersey, it is like leaving home all over again. This is our first house- we rented at our last assignment and then lived in military housing for four years here before buying a home. Noah was eighteen months old when we bought this house and he only remembers living here. We brought Zoe home to this house after she was born. We have renovated and made it our own. We have grown as a family in this house. It is ours. It was good to us and now we are leaving it behind.
I am excited about our next adventure and I know we will have a blast living in England, but I cannot forget some of the sacrifices we must make. We have made some great friends- military and non-military in the last twelve years. Our neighbors across the street have watched our dog, our children, gathered our mail, watered our plants, and even helped me shovel snow during that crazy winter when DJ was deployed. I am going to miss them. They are hilarious- I have blogged at least twice about them- the time we had a water balloon fight across the street and the time Noah off-handedly remarked he would pay them $500 if they painted polka dots on their house. So, they cut out polka dots and taped them on the outside and asked Noah to pony up. Great people. They will be missed.
In March 2005, we had just moved into our new home and I didn't know any of the neighbors yet. My friends on base had all just either moved away, or were away on lengthy trips home and I was feeling sorry for myself. It occurred to me that some of my best friendships were forged in high school and college band. So, I googled "community band" and came up with a group that met just fifteen miles from my house. I joined and they quickly became like family. As a group, they watched me through my second pregnancy and when Zoe had complications and wound up at Children's Hospital of Philadelphia, the outpouring of support and offers of help, meals, etc, was just amazing. One family in particular adopted us almost immediately. They live in the same town where we live and invited us over for their family Christmas Eve get-together since we had no family in the area. We have gone to their house every Christmas Eve since- they even welcomed our family into their house twice when our family was visiting New Jersey for Christmas. We also spent several Thanksgivings with them and they made a point of taking me out to a special birthday dinner in the dead of winter for my birthday the year DJ was deployed. They didn't want my birthday to go uncelebrated. Great people. They will be missed.
And then there is the neighbor that I know, but not well. We converse over the fence a la Snuffy and Loweezy Smith chatting with Elviney and Lukey. And yet, on the Mother's Day DJ was deployed, she showed up at my door and asked if she could borrow my kids for a few minutes. I agreed and about fifteen minutes later, they came back toting potted flowers for me. She helped them plant their own flowers in little pots and bring them to me for Mother's Day. They will be missed too.
I have made some wonderful military friends over the years as well and they have all left me at some point. This time, I am the one leaving. A few years ago, I was at a MOPS meeting, sad that the only two friends I had left were leaving soon. A new girl showed up to the meeting and was assigned to our table. She sat down and introduced herself- she had a four-month-old baby and said she was just exhausted with the baby and was relatively new to the base and wanted to get out and meet new people. Her husband worked long hours and she rarely ever got out. We chatted a little bit, I noticed when I glanced at the roster that it was her birthday that day and I told her happy birthday. The meeting was over and we both left and went our separate ways. Two days later, I was at another group setting for mothers of babies and in she walked. We chatted over the next few months, but never really got together or made plans. And then, in May, her husband was set to deploy and she invited my kids and I out to the park with her family. I met her husband at the time and we briefly chatted about Air Force jobs. My husband was in an entirely different squadron that had nothing to do with what he did. She and I gradually became friends and started hanging out together. We formed a friendship and then, one year after that initial meeting and discussion with her husband, in a strange twist, my husband's assignment was changed to the aircraft maintenance squadron. He now worked with her husband! They have been in the same squadron together for the past two years and her husband is now my husband's supervisor. She has watched my kids for me for numerous reasons, provided more than her share of "therapy", "shoulder to cry on", "listening ear" as well as general companionship, friendship, entertainment and always a good snarky remark via text message. I am going to miss her so much.
I am so thankful for all of the people that have been placed in my life at just the right moment. I hope that trend continues and that there are awesome people waiting to cross our path in England (or Karyn gets an assignment to England).
I am going to miss New Jersey, Wawa, Jersey Sweet Corn, "down the shore", pizzerias, cheesesteak, The Robin's Nest, being a short train ride away from NYC and my home. But more than anything- I am going to miss the wonderful people- some New Jersey natives, some just living here temporarily. I can't believe it is finally our turn to leave. I have waited for eight years for it to be our turn. Here it is, and it is so bittersweet.
I would also like to thank my dad and stepmom for hosting a going away party at their house to provide a central location where our family could meet to see us, hang out and say goodbye. It saved us a lot of traveling from house to house in a short amount of time.
Upon arrival back to New Jersey, we promptly bought paint to touch up the nail holes in the wall and several items we need in order to bring our house up to code to pass inspection for a rental property. It was the moment I took the pictures off the wall that it really hit me. We are leaving.
After twelve years in New Jersey, it is like leaving home all over again. This is our first house- we rented at our last assignment and then lived in military housing for four years here before buying a home. Noah was eighteen months old when we bought this house and he only remembers living here. We brought Zoe home to this house after she was born. We have renovated and made it our own. We have grown as a family in this house. It is ours. It was good to us and now we are leaving it behind.
I am excited about our next adventure and I know we will have a blast living in England, but I cannot forget some of the sacrifices we must make. We have made some great friends- military and non-military in the last twelve years. Our neighbors across the street have watched our dog, our children, gathered our mail, watered our plants, and even helped me shovel snow during that crazy winter when DJ was deployed. I am going to miss them. They are hilarious- I have blogged at least twice about them- the time we had a water balloon fight across the street and the time Noah off-handedly remarked he would pay them $500 if they painted polka dots on their house. So, they cut out polka dots and taped them on the outside and asked Noah to pony up. Great people. They will be missed.
In March 2005, we had just moved into our new home and I didn't know any of the neighbors yet. My friends on base had all just either moved away, or were away on lengthy trips home and I was feeling sorry for myself. It occurred to me that some of my best friendships were forged in high school and college band. So, I googled "community band" and came up with a group that met just fifteen miles from my house. I joined and they quickly became like family. As a group, they watched me through my second pregnancy and when Zoe had complications and wound up at Children's Hospital of Philadelphia, the outpouring of support and offers of help, meals, etc, was just amazing. One family in particular adopted us almost immediately. They live in the same town where we live and invited us over for their family Christmas Eve get-together since we had no family in the area. We have gone to their house every Christmas Eve since- they even welcomed our family into their house twice when our family was visiting New Jersey for Christmas. We also spent several Thanksgivings with them and they made a point of taking me out to a special birthday dinner in the dead of winter for my birthday the year DJ was deployed. They didn't want my birthday to go uncelebrated. Great people. They will be missed.
And then there is the neighbor that I know, but not well. We converse over the fence a la Snuffy and Loweezy Smith chatting with Elviney and Lukey. And yet, on the Mother's Day DJ was deployed, she showed up at my door and asked if she could borrow my kids for a few minutes. I agreed and about fifteen minutes later, they came back toting potted flowers for me. She helped them plant their own flowers in little pots and bring them to me for Mother's Day. They will be missed too.
I have made some wonderful military friends over the years as well and they have all left me at some point. This time, I am the one leaving. A few years ago, I was at a MOPS meeting, sad that the only two friends I had left were leaving soon. A new girl showed up to the meeting and was assigned to our table. She sat down and introduced herself- she had a four-month-old baby and said she was just exhausted with the baby and was relatively new to the base and wanted to get out and meet new people. Her husband worked long hours and she rarely ever got out. We chatted a little bit, I noticed when I glanced at the roster that it was her birthday that day and I told her happy birthday. The meeting was over and we both left and went our separate ways. Two days later, I was at another group setting for mothers of babies and in she walked. We chatted over the next few months, but never really got together or made plans. And then, in May, her husband was set to deploy and she invited my kids and I out to the park with her family. I met her husband at the time and we briefly chatted about Air Force jobs. My husband was in an entirely different squadron that had nothing to do with what he did. She and I gradually became friends and started hanging out together. We formed a friendship and then, one year after that initial meeting and discussion with her husband, in a strange twist, my husband's assignment was changed to the aircraft maintenance squadron. He now worked with her husband! They have been in the same squadron together for the past two years and her husband is now my husband's supervisor. She has watched my kids for me for numerous reasons, provided more than her share of "therapy", "shoulder to cry on", "listening ear" as well as general companionship, friendship, entertainment and always a good snarky remark via text message. I am going to miss her so much.
I am so thankful for all of the people that have been placed in my life at just the right moment. I hope that trend continues and that there are awesome people waiting to cross our path in England (or Karyn gets an assignment to England).
I am going to miss New Jersey, Wawa, Jersey Sweet Corn, "down the shore", pizzerias, cheesesteak, The Robin's Nest, being a short train ride away from NYC and my home. But more than anything- I am going to miss the wonderful people- some New Jersey natives, some just living here temporarily. I can't believe it is finally our turn to leave. I have waited for eight years for it to be our turn. Here it is, and it is so bittersweet.
The Devil Made Me Fat
"An idle mind is the devil's playground." Have y'all heard that? I assume that means if you have too much time on your hands, and too much time to think about insignificant stuff- or stuff you cannot change or do anything about- you are more likely to fall into a pattern of negative thinking and get into trouble.
So... I get in bed and my mind is suddenly filled with anxiety, worries and scenarios I have no control over regarding our impending move overseas.
Because my mind is filled with all of these things, I find my heart racing and my body temperature rising. My heart racing and the fact that I am starting to sweat prevents me from falling asleep.
So as not to awaken my husband in my state of insomnia, I get up to address an email I remembered I was supposed to follow up on yesterday.
While up addressing the aforementioned email, I see my iPhone light up because my sister has played her turn on Draw Something.
I grab my phone to play my turn and see that she has colored a nice picture of cookies for me to guess.
Because I am playing Draw Something on my iPhone and have just guessed the word "cookies", I now want to eat cookies.
There are no cookies in my house, but I find a package of Hostess devil's food (DEVIL'S FOOD??? ARE YOU SEEING IT??) mini doughnuts.
This is how I came to eat two mini doughnuts at 1:40 in the morning.
Because I couldn't find cookies after guessing "cookies" on the game Draw Something that I was playing because I saw my phone light up while up answering an email that I remembered in my state of insomnia that came about because my idle mind was filled with things that I could not control.
And if all the above is true and an idle mind is in fact the devil's playground, then the devil made me eat those doughnuts at 1:40 in the morning.
And the devil made me fat.
G'night.
So... I get in bed and my mind is suddenly filled with anxiety, worries and scenarios I have no control over regarding our impending move overseas.
Because my mind is filled with all of these things, I find my heart racing and my body temperature rising. My heart racing and the fact that I am starting to sweat prevents me from falling asleep.
So as not to awaken my husband in my state of insomnia, I get up to address an email I remembered I was supposed to follow up on yesterday.
While up addressing the aforementioned email, I see my iPhone light up because my sister has played her turn on Draw Something.
I grab my phone to play my turn and see that she has colored a nice picture of cookies for me to guess.
Because I am playing Draw Something on my iPhone and have just guessed the word "cookies", I now want to eat cookies.
There are no cookies in my house, but I find a package of Hostess devil's food (DEVIL'S FOOD??? ARE YOU SEEING IT??) mini doughnuts.
This is how I came to eat two mini doughnuts at 1:40 in the morning.
Because I couldn't find cookies after guessing "cookies" on the game Draw Something that I was playing because I saw my phone light up while up answering an email that I remembered in my state of insomnia that came about because my idle mind was filled with things that I could not control.
And if all the above is true and an idle mind is in fact the devil's playground, then the devil made me eat those doughnuts at 1:40 in the morning.
And the devil made me fat.
G'night.
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