I wasn't in the mood to open the door. Not at that moment, but something told me to do it anyway. Reluctantly, I turned the knob, slowly pulled it toward me and peered around the other side. I was relieved and so thankful to see her standing there at that moment.
If you are going to survive as a military spouse, you must form friendships quickly You learn to rely on people you have only just met; and as soon as you are forming a true bond of friendship- someone gets orders and leaves.
It was 2002. That year was a big one for deployments. My husband was in a unit that deployed often at only a moment's notice and always to "an undisclosed location for an undisclosed amount of time." Translation: I didn't know where he was (though based on world events, I had a good idea) and I didn't know when he would be coming back. This was also the days before Skype, so we relied on email and the occasionally chance when he would catch me by phone for communication. I was working full time and hard to catch up with.
In June, my husband deployed- again. We had been officially trying to conceive for almost a year, but the fact that he was never home was throwing a wrench in that plan. The weekend of July 4, I found out I was pregnant. I didn't want to tell anyone before I told him- so I carried the secret with me for almost a month. Around the end of July, I went to the movie with one of my friends that lived in the unit next to ours. I don't know why, but I suddenly had the urge to tell her, "in case anything happened." I was thinking along the lines of- if I was suddenly ill or unconscious, someone needed to know I was pregnant in order to tell the medical professionals. So now, she knew and I knew.
A few days later, during a phone call with my husband, I couldn't keep it a secret any longer and I spilled the beans. I had wanted to tell him in person, but I didn't know when I would see him again, so I let it slip. He was elated- and quickly wrote the most beautiful email to the baby. I still have that email to this day. Five days after that phone call, I suffered a miscarriage.
I had been cramping all day at work, but researched it online and saw that it was possible to feel cramps at this time during your first pregnancy as your uterus was stretching. I think deep down, I knew something wasn't right, because I went to the bathroom every 10-15 minutes at work that day, but I convinced myself I was overreacting. When I got home from work that evening, I felt awful. I decided to lie down on the couch and then I felt it. I knew what was coming and I ran to the bathroom. There was no question what was happening. I knew it was over.
Feeling pain- both emotional and physical, exhaustion and completely overwhelmed, I curled up on the couch and began to cry. I cried for something I didn't even know or have- yet something my husband had already grown attached to. I cried for the fact that I was going to have to break my husband's heart and tell him the baby was gone. I cried for the baby I would never hold and the plans I had already made. I just cried.
About ten minutes into my meltdown, I began to pull myself together. I knew I was going to have to call the doctor, but I didn't want to. I didn't feel like it. So I cried some more- because I was alone- because I needed my husband. I knew if he were home, he would call the doctor for me. He would comfort me. At that precise moment, there was a knock on my door.
It was my friend- the one I had told about the pregnancy. She took one look at me, and immediately put her arm around me and came inside. I don't remember what I said- but I managed to tell her what was going on. She walked me to the couch and laid me down. She picked up my phone and called the nurse line for our insurance company. She spoke with the nurse and then handed the phone to me. The nurse told me I should call my doctor's after hours line.
My friend then called the after hours for me and left a message for the doctor to call me back. Less than five minutes later, he did and I answered the phone. She sat next to me on the couch, holding my hand, while I spoke with the doctor. When the conversation was over- she went to the store to get some supplies I needed and came back and sat with me until I told her it was okay to leave.
Her husband was in the same squadron as mine and the only reason he wasn't deployed was because they were moving overseas in less than a week. He called the squadron for me, let them know what was going on so that they could contact my husband and have him call home. He came home with his squadron two weeks later.
That was one of the hardest things I have ever endured as a military spouse. The loss of a pregnancy-alone. Except that I really wasn't alone. I will always be so grateful to that family for what they did for me. I will always be thankful for the impeccable timing of her visit that day.
They moved a week later and we wrote and emailed regularly for about a year. Then, we sent yearly Christmas cards and eventually, even that stopped. I lost contact with them and have no idea where they are now. But they will forever hold a place in my heart for the role they played in my life.
My military family.
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