Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Signs It's Time for School to Start (and Your Child Has Been Watching Too Much Television)

Tonight I informed Noah it was time to do the one thing he hates most every year: try on his jeans before school starts and determine which ones are too short and which ones can squeak out another season.

Normally, this proclamation is met with " Awww, I HATE trying on jeans!", " I'm too hot! Can I stop now?" and, "WHY do I have to do this!?"

But tonight, he simply said, " Okay, Mommy."

Wow.

Then he began narrating the whole experience.

"Tonight is eviction night for pants! Stay tuned to see who the two nominees will be and which pair of pants will be evicted from the Big Jeans House!"

I laughed and he continued to narrate.

Then, while holding a particular pair of cargo-style jeans he doesn't like, he said, "Mommy, can we backdoor these pants? I hate them."

In the end, Mommy won the power of veto and vetoed Noah's cargo pants nomination because they still fit him. And, as it turns out, in an "expect the unexpected" twist, tonight was triple eviction night with our family saying goodbye to the two pair of Levi's and a pair of Osh Kosh.

First Impressions

From 2004-2008 I thought I was an awesome parent. I had a very well-behaved, well-mannered little boy that never got into trouble and a baby girl that, for the most part, slept well, smiled, coo-ed and played happily. Zoe's babyhood was in sharp contrast to Noah's. He was a very cranky baby and toddler, but once he hit 18 months old, he turned into a dream child.

Awesome parenting skills, right? You know.. some people were just born to be parents. Some people are just awesome.

Yeah... RIGHT!

So, while I was sitting on my smug little awesome pedestal judging others, my awesome baby girl was approaching eighteen months of age. The age that everything in my household apparently does a one-eighty.

Zoe hit eighteen months and I swear her red hair glowed a little brighter, that temper began to shine through, she started asserting her independence and we buckled down for the storm.

Because I still thought I was an awesome parent, Noah's terrible two's weren't so bad and we handled them well. Again, I erroneously attributed that to my stellar parenting skills.

Then Zoe turned two and it only got worse.

Zoe turned three and still... tantrums, strong-willed, EVERYTHING. IS. A. STRUGGLE. Resistance at every turn. I feel like I am beating my head against a brick wall. Hourly.

I know. It's the moment the parents of the children that throw public tantrums wait silently for. When the parents of the good children get their comeuppance. Karma. Smack in the back of their puffed up little heads.

Well, alright, already. I get it. It isn't my parenting skills. I was NOT an awesome parent, I was a LUCKY parent. I totally get it now. So, when does my lesson end? When will Zoe fall into compliance?

When Noah started preschool at age three, all I ever got was praise and compliments about what a sweet and well-behaved little boy he was. I took Zoe to meet her teacher and see her classroom today for preschool. It was a little different experience than the first time around.

Noah clung nervously to me, hid behind my leg and finally after 30 minutes or so, warmed up enough to play with some of the toys in the room, but never venturing far from me. When it was time to leave, all I had to do was tell him so and he was at my side for fear I might leave him.

Back to this morning. Zoe and I walked into her classroom (coincidentally the exact same classroom Noah had, but the teachers are different). She walked right in with her backpack, parked her butt on the little couch and began spreading out her blanket and stuffed cat. Another child wanted to sit on the couch too and Zoe was kicking and swatting at him. I was trying to contain her all the while the teacher was welcoming the parents and telling us about her classroom. I glanced down at Zoe again and she was lying upside down hanging off the couch, legs spread-eagle in her dress. I quietly asked her to sit up which she answered with a screech.

Since she couldn't play nicely and share the couch, I made her get up at which point- while the teacher was still giving her speech- Zoe proceeded to lie down on her back in the middle of the floor and start kicking her legs. She wasn't screaming, just sort of grunting with each kick, so I chose to ignore her. It was then that I could see it. The other parents were staring, judging. I was THAT mother. With THAT kid.

Just ten minutes earlier, in the parent meeting upstairs, they were explaining that if there were behavioral problems with the children, the parents would be required to accompany their child on the field trips. It wasn't an option. I was thinking I would chaperone all the field trips anyway, because they are fun. I went on all of them with Noah. But it would be mortifying to be that parent that HAD to go on all the field trips because their kid was a discipline problem.

And now, ten minutes later, I realized it was going to be ME. *I* was going to be the parent with the phone calls, incident reports, required to go on the field trips and the one the other newbies stare at, shake their heads and "tsk tsk".

Preschool is going to be an adventure...

...and a bit of entertainment.

I am just not sure WHOSE entertainment yet.

Oh, and if your child is in the same room as my child, get used to the name, "Zoe". I feel like it might come up a lot.

One more thing: I apologize in advance.




** I should note that once the teacher was finished speaking, Zoe happily went and played with the toys, but then it was time for us to leave and we had a mini-meltdown over leaving.




*** Dumb Mom is having Mom Tip Tuesday today and although I can't offer any tips, since it is pretty obvious my full-of-myself parenting skills have been invalidated and clearly I can only offer tips on how NOT to raise a child, she is generously offering the chance to link up school related posts too. So, if you have a Mom Tip or a school-related post- go on over and link up!

Monday, August 30, 2010

My Baby Boy...

... is seven years old today! Time flies by so quickly.



On August 30, 2003 at 9:53 p.m. our lives changed forever. For the better.

7lbs 14 oz 21.5" long


Happy Birthday, Noah! We love you!

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Summer 2010- The (Very) Abridged Edition

With only one and a half weeks left until school starts, I find it time to reflect on our summer. And while we've done loads of awesome things and two small trips, in all reality, the entire summer and all the events contained within it can be summarized in three words.
"hot", "sweaty"


and "cantankerous"

How was your summer?

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Wordful Wednesday-After the Party

After all the guests had gone home, after consuming a ridiculous amount of sweets, candy, cake and ice cream, after playing hard with all her friends, the birthday girl, dressed in her new Cinderella dress, passed out on her bedroom floor.


This post is part of Wordful Wednesday and linked up with Angie at Seven Clown Circus.




Monday, August 23, 2010

Ice Cream Sundae Sunday

Yesterday was Zoë's birthday party. It all started with a dress I found on ebay last spring that reminded me of neapolitan ice cream. I decided at that moment that she would have an ice cream party and the colors would be pink, brown and cream-neapolitan colors. I do believe this is the most fun I have had planning a birthday party!

To start us off, let me refresh your memory by re-posting the invitation I made for the party:



I usually hang my scrapbook layouts from this wire on display, but took them down for the party and made these little ice cream cones. The sundae in the middle is cut from my Cricut Sweet Treats cartridge and the "sundae" letters are cut using the Cricut Storybook cartridge. The little cones I made by cutting a 4" scalloped circle, running it through my Cuttlebug using the mosaic tile embossing folder to give it the waffled texture and then rolling them up in cone shapes. I then stuffed them with confetti.

These plastic cones were a Dollar Tree find. I stuffed them with confettin, ice cream shaped erasers and ice cream themed bubbles plus other small treats for the treat bags.

Okay first let me say how excited I was to find rock candy and Pop Rocks on my trip to North Carolina last weekend. How vintage! The pink ice cream cones holding the straws and rock candy, the cone holding the spoons and the ice cream painted container holding the maraschino cherries were from JoAnn's. I saw them back in the spring and patiently waited all summer until they went on clearance. The ice cream tray I found on deep discount at Michael's last weekend. After it rang up, it cost me $2 and some change!! WOOHOO!

I was going to make petit fours and cover them in pourable fondant, but upon my mother's arrival, she informed me that all the rage back home were these things called Cake Balls. Basically, you bake a sheet cake, crumble it up and mix it with frosting and shape into little balls and freeze. Then you melt almond bark and dip them in it. I had never heard of them and we quickly figured out why no one makes them here. They don't sell almond bark in grocery stores here like they do back in Texas. My mom said WalMart and every grocery store has it in the baking section, but we went to two WalMarts and four different grocery stores and none of them had it. Later a friend told me that I would have to find a candy specialty store to buy it here. Weird. Anyway, thankfully, Mom brought some almond bark with her and we had enough for the party. They were a huge hit and looked great on my cupcake display stand.

I think this was the most fun for me. I was so excited about making these jars for the toppings. I got the jars at the Christmas Tree Shop and used Cricut Storybook cartridge to cut ouy the tags. I printed the labels on my computer using the Candice font which I thought was adorable and reminded me of ice cream and candy. I also bought a straw dispenser and put Pepperidge Farm Pirouettes (rolled wafers) in it.


Since we had the cake balls, we didn't feel we needed a large cake. Just one big enough to stick three candles in and let Zoë blow them out.


I made these decorations using tissue paper and a Martha Stewart tutorial online.



You can't have an ice cream party without also having ice cream floats, so I filled a bucket with ice and had grape, key lime, orange cream, cream soda and root beer. Yum!!



If you look in the corner of the photo on the left side, I had a Little Dipper crockpot plugged in keeping the hot fudge sauce warm.

And here is the girl of the hour wearing the tiara that was a last-minute impulse buy. I went to Party City to pick up her balloons that morning and that tiara was in my line of vision hollering, "Hey, Sucker, BUY ME! You know you want to!!"




Everyone seemed to have a good time and the children all left hyped up on sugar. But most importantly, Zoë loved her " Ice Cream Happy Birthday"

Happy 3rd birthday, my sweet girl!

I'm linking this with Dumb Mom's Mom Tip Tuesday. My tip? How to throw an awesome ice cream party! Follow the link and see her tip on how to successfully travel in the car with kids and if you have a tip, link up!

Friday, August 20, 2010

Shark Week at the Jersey Shore

It was a perfect summer morning on the Jersey shore. The beach-goers were emerging from their thunderstorm-filled night of slumber, awake and refreshed and ready to confront the beautiful day. This was the kind of thing she loved most about summer. From the time she was a little girl, she remembered taking family vacations to the shore and lazily spending days in the sand and surf and wandering up and down the boardwalk looking for the next great adventure. Of course, everything is an adventure to a six-year-old.

As a teenager, she still went with her family on vacation; but she also went with friends' families and just for day trips with gaggles of other teenagers- giggling, flirting and walking that fine line between unbridled little girl excitement and restrained enthusiasm brought on by a self-awareness of others watching her.

Now as an adult, she continued these traditions, journeying to the shore several times each summer with her kids and husband in tow to instill the same memories of carefree days and childlike exuberance in her own family. Times had changed. Outdoor games had been replaced by Nintendo DS, streaming television and on-demand movies. Clambakes, wienie bakes, barbecues and burger burns had been replaced by the local Chinese takeout. But, the boardwalk fries, saltwater taffy and waffles with ice cream still remained as a sort of liaison between her world and theirs.

She was brought out of her daydream by the squeal of her daughter. Nothing out of the ordinary. The kids fought all the time. When she was little, she quarreled with her siblings too, but not like this. They had their differences and worked them out on their own. Her kids never seemed to get along. It was exhausting and she had hoped to avoid some of it by getting them out of their normal environment. She listened closely and determined the reason for this outburst was surrounding a particular Lego that apparently both had laid claim to. She decided to let it be and hope they worked it out.

The sun was high overhead and starting to really beat down, so she decided to go inside for a bit, cool off and maybe catch the lunchtime news. Nothing exciting. The usual- a row home in Philadelphia caught fire, a local soldier returned home from a lengthy tour and the usual political fodder that seemed to concern the haves more than the have-nots. But then, a special report broke in that caused her to sit up and take notice.

She couldn't quite believe her ears. Was she dreaming? This couldn't be real. I mean, this was the kind of thing only in some Hollywood film that scared her to death as a child. Could it be?

The local news anchor was reporting rumors of shark sightings in the area and one attack on the very beach where they were vacationing. She listened in horror as the eye witnesses recalled the victim screaming and being pulled, bleeding from the water. But no one had actually seen the shark. Thankfully, the victim was going to be fine, just in need of quite a few stitches. But, a shark? At the Jersey Shore? It was so..... cliché.

She realized with a start that her family had been at that very same beach earlier and had probably just missed the attack by a few minutes. She let out a sigh of relief and was thankful for the difference a few minutes could make. The authorities were puzzled as to why there were no actual sightings of the shark. The coast guard as well as the news crews had all scrambled for airspace over the beach, but there were no sharks to be found from that angle either. It was a mystery to be sure and certain to break up the monotony of the long summer days. It would be something the locals would talk about for years and stories for the vacationers to tell and re-tell their children and grandchildren. The phantom shark attack and the year Jaws almost came to life.

As the week passed on, the local restaurants, ice cream shoppes, cabanas and shops were all abuzz with the story. The doctors at the local hospital were all certain, judging by the man's injuries, it had in fact been a shark attack; but even the victim could not recall actually seeing the shark. The news quickly went national and fear was quickly reaching the entire eastern seaboard. People were canceling their beach rentals and throwing local economies into emergency mode. It was speculated that this vicious attacker was almost other-worldly, defying logic and normal limits by being able to appear at will anywhere along the east coast out of thin air. The shore towns were on edge wishing the beast would just be sighted and caught before the last few weeks of summer wasted away to fall ending the summer season.

And then, it struck again.

Much to the relief of the rest of the country, but the horror of the little Jersey shore town, it struck at the exact same beach. One and a half weeks after the initial incident, after still no sightings and increasing pressure from the beachfront business owners, the beach was deemed safe and reopened for recreational swimming. On that very same day, a woman reported being waist-deep in water and feeling something latch onto her leg and pull with such force, she was almost dragged out to sea. She screamed, kicked and splashed and eventually the thing let go and disappeared. The woman was taken to the local hospital and received over fifty stitches- not quite as many as the last victim. When interviewed by the police, she reported that she, too, had not actually seen the shark.

The town was again thrown into total panic. The people that had stayed to wait out the last beach closure packed up and left. The place was becoming a ghost town in the middle of August and it looked as if the season would indeed wrap up a few weeks early with still no answers to the questions.

She sipped her Earl Grey and put down the newspaper. Once again, her family had been at the beach the same day as the attack and had apparently missed it only by minutes. She felt it far too risky to tempt fate again and decided with a sigh that they would pack up today and leave as well. She could use the extra time for school shopping. The kids both needed new shoes and the supply list this year was very lengthy. She might as well get a head start preparing for fall.

Everyone was packed and ready to go and she decided to take one last walk through the house to make sure nothing was being left behind. As she passed through her daughter's room, she found, stuffed underneath the mattress, an opened pack of gum, some shaped rubber bands that were all the rage that summer and a bottle of bubbles. All things she knew she had not purchased for the kids. All things she was fairly certain her four-year-old daughter had swiped. This was her challenging child. The one she was certain was going to be the death of her. The discovery of these items did not surprise her at all. This was so like something her daughter would do. She put the items in her bag for discussion later when they got home.

Now, she passed through her son's room. He was always such a good boy. He almost always did as he was told, rarely got into trouble and was wise far beyond his six years. She never for a moment thought he would ever give her grief. She smiled thinking about his sweet little face and seeing only a pristine, clean room she turned to leave. But something caught her eye. She turned back to see the corner of a newspaper sticking out from under his bed. She picked it up and it was folded to the story about the first attack. He hadn't discussed it with her at all and she wondered if he thought it was exciting or if it was scary to him. She hoped it hadn't caused nightmares and made a mental note to discuss it with him. Then she saw something else shoved further up under his bed. It was a journal. She pulled it out and opened it.

She inhaled sharply. Her son's handwriting was before her, but she didn't recognize him at all. The words told of a terrified little boy not understanding his surroundings. As she read, everything started to fall into place. She realized he WAS scared. She read more and finally had to admit the truth to herself.

She was the mother of the Jersey shark.

At that moment, he walked into the room, saw the journal and his face went white as a sheet. She calmly asked him to open his mouth. He shook his head. " It's alright, son. Just please open your mouth for me." He complied and sure enough her suspicions were confirmed. There, in his mouth, were two rows of teeth on bottom.

She quickly packed up Shark Boy and they left... with the memory of the summer that Noah got an extra row of teeth, his Mom called him "Shark Boy" and penned an elaborate story about it.

Now, THAT'S down the shore... Jersey horror flick style!


This post is being linked to Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop. Prompt #5: "What five images paint a perfect picture of summer to you? Put those images together in a piece of writing."

I grew up on the Gulf Coast.. so summer is the beach to me. And the other four images that comprise summer to me are summer thunderstorms, the boardwalk, ice cream and writing/reading fiction.

Mama's Losin' It

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Welcome Back!

Last weekend, I had a wonderful break from my kids. I drove to North Carolina to see one of my besties from college and we went to a scrapbooking convention together. I had four blissful days kid-free.

I got back to New Jersey Monday afternoon and spent yesterday running errands. Last night, after my husband left for work, the kids ( and by "the kids" I mean Zoe really) wasted no time in initiating me back into the mommy groove.

There was a pretty messy and disgusting poop in the panties incident that wouldn't have been so bad if she had just listened to me and stayed in the bathroom while I rinsed out the underwear and put them in the wash. Then, later, she showed up looking like this:



I should say that there are no markers left in the house. That is blue crayon. I had no idea crayon would mark on skin, but apparently with a little determination, anything is possible.

Welcome back, Mommy!

This post is being linked to Wordful Wednesday at Seven Clown Circus.




Monday, August 9, 2010

A Note to Teenagers

I know all your little inside jokes are cute and hilarious to you and your friends, but please, for the love of Pete, think carefully before you write in your friends' yearbooks. Make sure what you write is timeless and mature and respectable.

Because, twenty years from now, you will be sitting on your couch next to your significant other looking at pictures on a social networking site (or holograms or whatever is appropriate at the time) of people you went to high school with. And your significant other will not remember someone and you will put out your yearbook to refresh his/her memory. You will carefully dust off the cover since it hasn't been opened in probably 10-15 years and show him the picture of the person of reference. THEN, you will go to the restroom and return to your significant other lying on the couch in a fit of hysterics laughing and making fun of various sentiments in your yearbook; making fun of various nicknames that seemed cute at the time, but are really stupid later. And then, he/she will gasp for air and begin reciting verbatim various messages.

Such as, " I love you, butt you don't love me." ( yes, "but" is spelled with two t's because that is how it was spelled in the yearbook making you wonder who your secret admirer with a spelling handicap was) And, "Forget about that dork, [boy's name here]" whom you actually DID forget about until being reminded of him in print, thankyouverymuch. And, " You are the weirdest person I know, but I love you anyway." And many many more...most referencing inside jokes you don't even remember. And finally, the lengthy submission from your boyfriend at the time ( aforementioned, "dork") and how even though you had only been dating less than a month at that point, he proceeded to post a warning in print- for all posterity and all eternity- to all other guys that you were his and belonged to no one else. That, " ...you touch, I break, YOU DIE!!!" Just like that. Who could have known you would break up with him a few months later for being a bit too possessive?

This is just a friendly warning to the younger generation and nothing that I actually know anything about. Because MY yearbook only includes submissions in iambic pentameter. And Latin.