It's a Good Thing We are Moving- Because Otherwise, We Might HAVE to Move

This past weekend was our annual squadron picnic at a park/playground on base.  The time was listed as 11- whenever.  We arrived at 11:30 and the kids immediately began to run around and play.  Since this was our last squadron function, we stayed for quite awhile hanging out and talking to friends.  In fact, they actually started taking down the tents and bouncy castles around us.  The husbands went to help and my friend Karyn and I sat in our chairs, chatted and watched the children play.  We sat, and sat and SAT until it was almost 7pm and the only people left were her family, my family, the squadron commander's family and one other family.

The squadron commander walked over and said, "Hey- why don't we just move this party over to my house?  I live about a mile from here, we can order pizza and put a movie on for the kids."

I hesitated.

Not because I didn't want to go over there, but because Zoe was tired, and hungry.  And Zoe is prone to epic meltdowns.  Once she crosses the threshold into one of these meltdowns, there is no stopping it.  We normally just put her in her room and leave her alone for the duration (or remove her from the situation if we are not home).

My friend Karyn said she thought they were going and wanted to know if we were going too.  I informed her of my concerns- "If Zoe has one of her meltdowns in front of the commander, I will be mortally embarrassed."

Karyn: "Well, I don't think she could top the first time we went over there.  (Her son) decided to open the craft paint in the playroom and paint the carpet, the wall, the desk, etc."

Me: "Wow!  Yeah- that makes me feel better.  But a meltdown wouldn't be pretty either."

We decided to go. We had a great time- ate pizza, drank wine and sat around a fire pit chatting while the kids watched movies inside.  Zoe was so good- quiet and well-behaved.  But as I stepped inside to tell the kids it was time to go, the sight before me made me realize that perhaps the universe heard Karyn's statement that Zoe couldn't top what her son did and thought to itself, "Challenge accepted!"

Let's back up a minute.

When Zoe was about a year old, she started lying in the middle of the floor on her stomach and, well, pleasuring herself.  She only does it when she is tired, but it is obvious what she is doing because she lies on her stomach and makes a motion like a dog humping a leg.  Seriously.

I never wanted to make her think it was wrong, so I told her repeatedly as a baby that it was okay to do that, but she needed to go in her room to do it (as opposed to her preferred location- right in the middle of the living room floor).  As she got older and understood more, I elaborated and told her it was private and she needed to do it in her room alone.  For the most part, she follows this rule, but sometimes, when she is really tired, she will drop right where she is and start humping the floor.

Which leads me to the moment we decided it was late and time to go.  I walked into the living room to find all the kids lined up on the couch watching the movie.  All except for Zoe.  Zoe was lying on her stomach, straddling a giant teddy bear, humping his tail.

Go back and read it again if you have to.

No one said anything- but I can't see how they missed what was going on.

Dear Universe: Challenge accepted and mission completed.  Thanks for that.

Chaos Family public self-gratification moment at the commander's house for the win!!

(I'm kind of glad we are leaving now)