"To Believe or Not To Believe?", That is the Question.

Last night, I was sitting on the couch reading after putting the kids to bed.  I heard the distinct sound of feet above my head and then I saw Noah come shuffling down the stairs, dragging his blanket a la Linus and crying.

"What's the matter, Boo?", I asked.

"Well, I was just lying in bed thinking about Christmas and wondering what I was going to get when I started thinking about Santa, his reindeer, elves and the North Pole.  And suddenly, I realized how silly and childish it all is. I know magic is not real, so how can that all be real?  I just want to believe in Santa, but I can't anymore and so I feel like I have lost my Christmas spirit."

My mind was racing.  I knew this conversation would come eventually, but somehow, I was still caught off-guard.  (and DJ was conveniently in the shower blissfully unaware of my interrogation downstairs) I was waiting for the bottom line- for him to ask me if Santa was real.

I started by saying that if not believing is making him so sad, then why didn't he just believe.  He said it just seemed too childish and silly when he thought about it and he just didn't believe anymore.  But, he was crying over it, so I felt he wasn't really ready to let it go.

My next approach was explaining that he didn't have to believe. But that if he didn't, he could not ruin it for any of his friends at school or other little kids- that part of the magic of Christmas is seeing them get so excited over it all.  I told him that he was mistaken when he believed he had lost his Christmas spirit because Christmas spirit was inside you and had nothing to do with Santa Claus.

"Honestly, Noah, I still get excited when I see Santa Claus!  Didn't you notice all the adults clapped and applauded when Father Christmas showed up at the Village Hall the other night? Don't you remember the guy in Browns Mills that drove around in his truck with a long white beard and mustache and looked EXACTLY like Santa?  I would squeal and say, 'Look! It's SANTA!' every time we saw him! And I am almost forty years old!! It is what he represents that is important.  It is about showing love for others, and us all taking care of one another.  When Daddy saw that man walking his bike home from base the other night, because it was too dark, icy and dangerous to ride on that road, he pulled over and gave him a ride.  That was helping our fellow man.  That was the Christmas spirit.  When you used your dollars you earned for good behavior in class to buy Zoe silly bands in your teacher's store last week, that was being kind and thoughtful toward your sister.  You did something out of the kindness of your heart and made her happy.  That is the Christmas spirit.  Do you remember how excited you got at the Village Hall when you saw all the presents the kids brought to Father Christmas for him to deliver to a local shelter?  And you even remarked to me that you thought those kids were going to be very excited.  THAT is the Christmas spirit inside of you.  And it doesn't have to just happen at Christmas.  We should love each other, be kind to each other and take care of everyone all year around.  It's called love.  And that is what Christmas is all about."

By this time, DJ had appeared downstairs and clued in on this conversation.  He nodded his head in affirmation of what all I had just said and added other examples of Christmas spirit to the mix.  We concluded with telling Noah it was okay if he didn't believe in Santa, but that that didn't mean he had lost his Christmas spirit.  I told him, essentially, each time we do a good deed for someone else, or give someone an unexpected gift just because we love them and are thinking of them, we are being Santa Claus at that moment.

He pondered this for a few seconds and then said, "Except- there is only ONE Santa Claus that lives at the North Pole and so we can't really say WE are Santa Claus."

DJ and I glanced at each other, confused, and then I think we both came to the same conclusion at once- that apparently Noah still isn't ready to give it up.

So, we nodded and said, "That's right, now go to bed!" and sent him on his way.

For the record he never once asked me if Santa was real or if we were Santa.  And I still am unsure if he believes or not.

So for now, I guess the spirit of Santa lives a little longer in our house.

And hopefully, our discussion instilled in him that the spirit of Christmas lives within us, always.

The Only Time of Year Where We Enthusiastically Encourage Our Children to Talk to and Take Candy from a Total Stranger

We don't do Mall Santa. The one and only time we did Mall Santa was November 2003 when Noah was three months old and I was visiting home in Texas. We went to the mall there and it was so totally NOT crowded ( I know the people that are from Southeast TX are going to argue with me, but trust me, it's NOT crowded- try a mall in Jersey!).


Since then, we have always been here for Christmas and I am NOT standing in line for two hours with small children to see Santa. That is a recipe for an epic tantrum. I'm not sure if that tantrum would be mine or my children's, but I don't intend to find out, either. Still, we always manage to find some Santa substitute each year, usually at DJ's squadron children's party.


Yesterday, we needed to go to Penney's and didn't feel like driving to the real (meaning: decent) mall, so we went to our local crap mall. I'm not exaggerating.. this mall still has Penney's, Sears and Macy's and that is all that is keeping it afloat ( that and the Chuck E Cheese in the parking lot). There is also a Bath and Body Works and a Victoria's Secret, but all the other major retailers ( Gap, Children's Place, Express, Limited...) all gone! That's what I mean.. crap mall.


So, we're walking through the crap mall to verify that it is still in fact, CRAP, and we walk through the center to see... Santa! Santa was smiling and waving and "ho ho ho"-ing to everyone who passed. No line. So we decided, what the heck... we haven't been sufficiently tortured today and Zoe has had no major meltdowns yet, so what better than Mall Santa to throw Zoe into a frenzy?


Now, I have to admit, Mall Santa was really good. He discreetly found out the kids' names ahead of time so he could address them by name. He spoke very calmly and sweetly to Zoe, keeping his distance. He suggested that maybe I just have Noah stand next to him rather than sit in his lap and get Zoe to stand on the other side using Noah as a buffer between herself and the overgrown jolly one. We got quite a few shots that included my arm holding a very unhappy Zoe in place, some of a blur of Zoe running away and then Santa pulled out the candy canes.


Stop the presses, the creepy stranger has candy! Zoe was suddenly very interested! Of course she still wasn't going within a thirty foot radius of him. Noah and Santa were instructed to just keep staring at the camera and smiling no matter what. Zoe's need for the sweet striped confection within the jolly old elf's grasp overpowered the stranger danger and she was lured in. She crept over to him and grabbed the candy cane, but still had her back to the camera. DJ and I called out, " Zoe!! What do you have??" and she turned toward the camera, pointed at us to tell us, "No!!" ( as in, "You two keep out of this!!") and the photographer snapped the shot in that small nanosecond because what followed that tiny moment captured on film, was a series of events that are sure to make Santa rethink Zoe's "naughty or nice" status on his list.

So, Zoe snagged the candy cane, turned to yell, " No!" at myself and DJ, and in one fluid movement, whirled around, smacked an unsuspecting Noah in the head with the candy cane ( on purpose, not on accident), threw her head back, let out a maniacal laugh and ran off!

There was silence for a moment then Noah yelped, " Owwww Zoe!!!", Santa snickered under his breath and DJ and I stared helplessly at the photographer who was beaming from ear to ear because she had the shot!

"We'll take it!" we announced in unison and left with a ridiculously overpriced photo and lofty dreams of coal in Zoe's stocking Christmas morning!

Last One

Problem-Solving Skills


Last night, Noah came to me and asked for a piece of wrapping paper and some tape. He was wrapping a gift for his Daddy. ( I think he wrapped up one of his toys) He disappeared back to his room and a little while later, emerged with the gift. Apparently, he couldn't get the tape to tear, so he just improvised. This is what is sitting under our tree: