The Evolution of the Beg

While leaving the parking lot of my meeting this morning, Zoe spots Burger King and here is what follows:

ZOE: Mommy, can I have fry-fries and chicken nuggets from Burger King?

ME: No, you just had breakfast.

ZOE: But I hungry!

ME: We are on our way to Target and maybe if you are good, we can stop at Chick Fil A on our way out.

NOAH: (being a typical little boy trying to antagonize his sister) Why don't we just stop on the side of the road and kill a chicken and eat it?

ZOE: Stop it, Noah! I not talking to YOU!

*silence for about ten seconds and then we pass the local pick-your-own farm*

ZOE: Mommy! I want to go there and get strawberries!

ME: No, do you see those dark clouds? It is going to rain, so even if we stop there, it will rain on us and if it starts thundering, they won't let us pick strawberries.

ZOE: But, I'm hungry and I want to eat strawberries!!

ME: Sorry, Zoe. We have to go to Target.

*silence for another golden twenty seconds*

ZOE: Mommy! I want to go fishing.

*I have no idea where this came from and I was silent for a moment because I was confused*

ZOE: MOMMY!! I SAY I WANT TO GO FISHING!!!

ME: I heard you, Zoe. Maybe one day Daddy can take you and Noah fishing. I think Noah has a fishing pole.

NOAH: You are not using my fishing pole, Zoe.

ZOE: SHUT UP, NOAH, I AM TOO!!

ME: Alright! Why are we fighting? In the entire time we have been a family, we have never gone fishing, so why are we fighting about it?

ZOE: At Target, can I buy a fishing pole?

ME: No.

ZOE: Why? I want a fishing pole with pink princess on it!

ME: BECAUSE WE DO NOT GO FISHING! We don't need more stuff in the house that we don't use.

ZOE: (on the verge of a meltdown) BUT. I. WANT. TO. GO. FIIIISSHHHIIIINNNNGGG!

ME: Zoe, what would you do if you caught a fish?

ZOE: I would put him in a bowl and put him in my room like Noah's fish.

ME: Ohhh. No, Noah didn't catch his fish in his room. That fish is a pet. We bought that fish.

**five second silence**

ZOE: Mommy, can you buy me a fish at Target?

ME: No, no more critters in the house.

ZOE: I WANNA FIIIIISSSSSSHHHHHH!

ME: Zoe, you need to straighten up or we are not going to Chick Fil A after we leave Target.

**about thirty more seconds of golden silence**

ZOE: Mommy, I hungry. Can I have fry-fries and chicken nuggets?

**Seventy- five days until school starts**

It's Time for School to Start (I'm an Awesome Mom)

School starts here on Tuesday. Apparently, not too soon, because just today I surpassed my summer tolerance level.

First a little backstory: My husband works twelve hour shifts, from seven p.m to seven a.m. Therefore, he sleeps during the day and I have to try and keep the kids from waking him up. We live in a 1200 square foot one-level home, so it isn't always an easy task. And, yes, I do take them out of the house, but it just isn't realistic to take them somewhere every day, I have stuff I have to do around the house too.

Today I had an errand I had to run and I managed to get the kids fed and dressed, but when I went to get dressed, it all fell apart. I am not a high maintenance person. It normally takes me ten to fifteen minutes to get ready. Today it took me three hours. Seriously. Every time I went in the bathroom to get ready, someone was screaming/fighting/yelling/knocking on the door/insisting they were hungry right now/insisting they had to use the bathroom right now. We also only have one bathroom. I kept having to shush them and appease them and explain over and over (AND OVER) again that their father was very tired and sleeping and could they PLEASE NOT STAND RIGHT OUTSIDE THE BEDROOM DOOR AND YELL AND SCREAM!??

So... my blood pressure was rising and my tolerance level was lowering.

Finally, I turned the television on childrens' shows, hoped it would occupy them for a few minutes and headed back to the bathroom to finish getting ready. Less than five minutes later, I heard screaming again. From both children. Right outside the bathroom door (which is six inches to the right of our bedroom door). I opened the door and the two of them were in the hallway right outside the door rolling around and fighting.

I grabbed Zoe's hand, dragged her in her room, hissed through gritted teeth, " TIME OUT- DON'T COME OUT UNTIL I TELL YOU!!!" and shut her door only to hear her (of course) collapse in a fit. I then turned to Noah who was staring smugly at me like he thought only Zoe was getting into trouble, grabbed his hand and dragged him to the living room, opened the front door and shoved him outside. This time hissing through gritted teeth, " IT IS A BEAUTIFUL DAY OUTSIDE, GO OUTSIDE ALREADY!!!". He stared back at me with wide eyes and then pouted and stomped off.

I finished getting ready in the bathroom and was walking around the living room and kitchen packing the diaper bag and I kept seeing Noah staring through the glass storm door at me. I must have still had an angry look on my face because he kept walking away. A few minutes later, I heard the front door open and I glared around the corner at him and he said, "Mommy, can I please get my shoes now?"

Ooops. I'm sure shoes would help.

And I'm wondering when my Awesome Parenting Award will arrive in the mail.