Special One Question Edition of Ask Noah

Conversation just now in our living room after a promotional commercial for a television show:

NOAH: WHAT DID THEY SAY???

(which leads us to...)

Q: What do you think about the Duggars having another baby? That will make twenty kids!

I think that is just CRAZY! That is TOO. MANY. KIDS. I mean, if *I* had that many kids, I would have to start throwing them into shelters.

Noah- they are children, not kittens!

Yeah? Well someone needs to tell HER that!

Ummm.. yeah. We might need to work on basic morality with him. I hope he doesn't just throw DJ and I into a shelter when we are old and need care.

The Falsie Story

I had a flashback while getting dressed this morning. And it reminded me of why you should always think about what you tell your children even if you think you are protecting/censoring them.

I had a goofy "aunt" growing up. I placed quotation marks around aunt because she was actually a cousin of some sort- my grandfather's first cousin- and we were not up on the family tree jargon of third cousin, first cousin twice removed, third cousin once removed, tree branching or not branching.. I dunno.. but she was related, a part of our family and older and I was told to call her "aunt". So... I had a goofy aunt that was always telling hilarious stories and making the adults laugh. I somehow sensed this and always wanted to be around to hear her stories.

One day, she was relaying a story to my mom and grandmother and I walked in on the end of it. Just in time to hear, "...and one of my falsies popped out of my bathing suit." Everyone erupted in laughter, including me. But I had no idea what a "falsie" was. So, being the inquisitive child, I asked. And one of the adults answered, "false eyelashes." I accepted that-although didn't see what was so funny about a false eyelash floating around a pool, but adults found odd things funny- and moved on.

No one ever corrected this and at some point, obviously, I learned what a falsie really was. The story became so much funnier once I knew. But my point is- even now, at thirty-eight years old, when I see false eyelashes, the term "falsie" immediately pops in my brain and then my brain immediately corrects that thought. But that association is hard-wired in there for life.

Perhaps it isn't such a bad thing after all, though, because it also always makes me giggle, remember that story and remember my aunt who died when I was a teenager. And, on this day, not only did I look down at my fake eyelashes, remember this story and my aunt, but also made the connection that perhaps that is where I get it from-my willingness to lay everything out there for the world to see, just for a laugh.

Thank you, Aunt Jettie. I am sure you would love to know I inherited your self-deprecating sense of humor.

Ask Noah- Second Edition

Q: For almost as long as there have been humans there has been war and conflict. Do you think war will ever go away?

Yes, but we have to fight against war and everyone must have freedom. But I can't really predict the future. We have to work together will everyone and make the bad people that start wars better people. Then we can all get along.

Q: What do you think about McDonald's bringing back the McRib?

Yeah- I don't know how to answer that. I don't like that.

Q: What's better, cats or dogs?

That is a matter of opinion. Maybe somebody in Asia or Europe likes cats, but I like dogs.

Q: Why does your elementary school rock?

First we have a lot of fundraisers and we get money from the military. I like the way people treat others at my school. But, I really don't know if my school is the best, because I haven't ever been to another elementary school... so how would I compare?

Q:How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?

Well, it's almost impossible to tell that. Because, if a baby eats it, it will probably take forty or something. But, if a kid eats it, it would be less. If a grown up eats it, it would probably be ten licks and you are in the center.

Q: Are you wishing for a snowy winter? Why or why not?

YEAH! It means no school!

Yes, but it means you have to add days to the end of the year.

I don't care- it is worth it to play in the snow, build snow forts and have fun!

So, are you going to help me shovel it all this year?

I will help a little, but you know I can't shovel very much. My arms are not very strong. They aren't strong enough to push through snow.

**Methinks I won't be able to count on Noah for help shoveling snow**

Candy Conundrum

Have y'all seen the Jimmy Kimmel video where he challenged parents to tell their children they ate all their Halloween candy and then post the results on YouTube? If you haven't, it is hilarious and you can view it here.

I saw it on Facebook the other day and thought it was hilarious! And immediately decided it was something I must do to my children. So- I did. And here is the result- not quite as funny, but as usual, Noah reacts the opposite of how I think he will.

If Curiosity Killed the Cat, What Did Goofiness Do to the Boy?

"Hello?"

"Hi, Mrs. _____? This is the school nurse. Noah hit his head and has a small cut, but it is something I would like a doctor to look at. Can you come get him?"

"Sure, I am on my way."

My son is goofy. Sometimes too goofy. And on some days- to a fault. On the ten minute drive to the school, I was pondering how this happened. He had gym today- was it in gym? But a quick glance at the clock affirmed that it was not yet time for gym and he was probably at lunch. So I envisioned some sort of playground accident. I was wrong.

I am relaying this story based on the testimony of several different people, but putting their stories together and knowing my son, here is how I believe it went down:

The class was lining up to go to lunch and Noah happens to be line leader this week. Being his usual goofy self, as he made his way to the front of the line, he was walking backwards, looking at his classmates and saying, " Look at ME! I'm the LINE LEADER!". And then His Royal Leadership tripped over the basket that holds all the lunch boxes and hit his head on the brick wall. Yeah- I laughed at this too- even while standing in the nurse's office, holding an ice pack on my son's bleeding head. Because it is SO Noah!! You should go ahead and submit my name for Mother of the Year right now.. I will wait.

Now let me flash back to thirty-two years ago for a moment. I was in first grade and since Kindergarten was a half day at the time, it was our first year of full-day school and we had nap time in the afternoons. Now, as a class, we knew the routine. We came in from lunch and stopped at the bathrooms. We were allowed in a few at at time while the teacher stood outside and monitored the behavior and as we were finished, we were to walk down to our classroom, get our mats out and get ready for nap time. I had also recently acquired a most awesome pair of green sunglasses that I had managed to smuggle to school that morning to show off. In the absence of my teacher, I pulled out the sunglasses, put them on my head and began to dance and sing, "You Ain't Nothing But a Hound Dog".

Of course at that exact moment, my teacher walked in and immediately banished me to the corner. The problem was, our classroom was really one big giant room divided with a partition into two classrooms. She put me in the corner with the partition- right where it met the wall. I could see into the other classroom and there was someone lying on their mat right there just inches from where I was standing. So, I started chatting with him/her ( I just don't remember which). I got in trouble again and was moved to the real corner- where I struck up a conversation with whatever class mate was lying over near me. I wound up in the hallway, grabbing my ankles while I got my first paddling.

Now we will move forward a little bit to my freshman year of high school. You know when you are a freshman, you just want to blend in and not draw attention to yourself. Our high school was odd in that the majority of the building was built into a little hill and the lobby and gymnasium were sunken a little bit. It was all connected, but in order to go from the lobby into any of the three hallways, you had to go up about 7 or 8 stairs. So, one of my friends and I were walking UP the stairs into A-Hall and halfway up, I was struck with the urge to do a little jig just because I was goofy. And I fell, UP the stairs and books scattered everywhere! My friend walked off and left me and pretended she didn't know me. Upperclassmen laughed, but didn't help me and I was humiliated.

Next we will move to 2005. Noah was two years old and I had just lost all of my baby weight and was feeling fabulously cute again. It was spring and espadrilles were all the rage. I had gone shopping and purchased a cute top, capris and matching espadrilles. I was feeling wonderful. I got myself dressed, got Noah dressed and off we went to playgroup where I was certain everyone would notice how much weight I had lost. I opened the door and Noah started weaving around my feet like a cat and I made a GRAND entrance.. but not the wanted I had wanted to make. I opened the door and then literally fell INTO playgroup. They noticed me alright.

My point is that he comes by it honestly. I hope he learns to contain himself long before I ever did (actually I never did learn). Or else, I dread the impending injuries and awkward teen years.

And, for the record, he is fine. He was entertaining the ER staff- for example when the nurse asked him how it happened, he said, "Let's see..... A Thousand Ways to Bump Your Head- by Noah". So- yeah- his mental faculties were in check and he was still trying to be the entertainer. They cleaned the cut and determined it did not need stitches, put Neosporin on it and sent us on our way. He does, however, want me to show off his wound so that it doesn't seem like he was a exaggerating.

Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop- FAQ's

I have not been blogging regularly nor have I participated in Mama Kat's Workshop in some time. Every week, I get the prompts in my email and can't come up with anything. This week, I told myself, no matter what, I was going to pick a prompt and write something.

I got the list on Monday and one of the choices was to write a FAQ about yourself. I liked this idea, but as usual, time got away from me and I didn't write it. I was so disappointed in myself this morning, so while I was sitting in the waiting room for an appointment this morning, I jotted down some questions on a receipt. After the appointment, I had to drop some papers off at my son's school and afterwards, I decided to make my first ever Vlog (video blog) right there in the parking lot of his school. I knew if I didn't do it then, I wouldn't do it at all.

Things I learned from my vlog- I make weird faces when I speak, I repeat myself a lot, I have nothing interesting to say, there is a reason why I WRITE- so that I can sort my thoughts- I am not good off-the-cuff.

So.. here ya go.. my first ever vlog and a FAQ about myself:

This post is inspired by Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop. Prompt#2: Create an FAQ page about yourself.

First Edition of "Ask Noah"

I had this idea, since my eight-year-old thinks he knows more than most adults (and he might in some cases) to ask him about world issues from time to time. I was going to call it "Ask the Eight-Year-Old" but I would have to change the title of the series every time he has a birthday. Hence, "Ask Noah" was born. I will also try an "Ask Zoe" but I am not sure how that will got since she can barely sit in one place long enough to go potty (She's four). Additionally, if you have any question you would like me to present to either of them, please send them to me and, as long as they are appropriate, I will pass them along. Buckle in, here we go...

1. The Texas Rangers were one strike away from winning the World Series in game 6, but choked and let the Cardinals win that game and ultimately the whole series. What do you think they could have done better?

Umm.. they could have WON!

2.Do y'all ever talk about current events at school? If so, what is something you have recently discussed?

Yes, we get Time Magazine for Kids. This week, we discussed the top 5 places to spend Halloween, diseases in bats and floods in Thailand.

What do you think about the floods in Thailand?

I think we need to build them more flood walls and see if that will help. They will have to give the people that have lost their homes shelter and help them build new homes. I feel very sad for the families- maybe there is an eight-year-old boy over like me whose family has lost their home.

3.**While looking at the copy of this week's "Time for Kids" he has fished out of his backpack: What do you think about this article suggesting schools should require students to pack eco-friendly lunches with less disposable waste?

I think yes and no. Yes because it will get rid of all the waste and we could keep our land beautiful and nice. No, because parents shouldn't have to spend money on reusable plastic containers if they can't afford them. Those things are sort of expensive.

You already have a reusable lunchbox and sandwich container, would you like to convert to completely eco-friendly and take a reusable water bottle and keep everything baggie-free?

Well, yes. But, sometimes I really want some chocolate milk or a juice box. So.. maybe.. no?

4. Recently, a woman got on a bus in Brooklyn run by an Orthodox Jewish bus company. Because of the beliefs of the Orthodox Jews, the bus is segregated and the women must sit in the back. They open the bus up to the public though and a woman that was not a believer got on the bus and was told she needed to move to the back. When she refused, the driver refused to drive until she moved to the back. What do you think about that?

Wow- I did not know that. That is like Rosa Parks all over again. We have different beliefs than others, but if they are going to let people with different beliefs on their bus, they need to let them sit where they want. If I got on a bus and was told I couldn't sit where I wanted, I would punch the driver.

And now, just because I felt I had to include her- a question for Zoe:

Zoe, what happened to Baby Lisa?

Did she used to be in my room? Is that the little girl with the red on? I think she's in my closet. I need to find her.