Thought for the Day

I think the Mr Clean Magic Eraser is the most wonderful product ever invented. It has removed just about everything imaginable from my walls, tables, furniture and any hard surface. So, I was wondering this morning while getting dressed....

If the Magic Eraser is so awesome, why doesn't it remove stretch marks? Now THAT would be magic!!

Me Me Me

Ok, so Jodi gave me a blog award and I had to think on it for a few days because I suck at coming up with lists. If you don't care to read my boring list about me, because after all, it really is all about ME, then head over to Jodi's blog where it is all about her, and how she is pretty freakin' hilarious. Although I don't personally know Jodi, she is a friend of a friend. A friend that I think is hysterically funny and I feel that if I lived in the same geographic location as Jodi, we might be friends too.( Except for the fact she would probably hate me because I am a Deceptive Picture Facebooker) I like her. Not in a crazy cyber-stalker, blog-friend way, I really like her!

So.. to my lists. The rules of the award is that I have to come up with five categories and then list five things in each and then I have to pass it out to five other bloggers.

Five Places I've Lived:

1. Lumberton, TX

2. Silsbee, TX

3. Red Lodge, Suffolk, England

4. McGuire AFB, NJ

5. Browns Mills, NJ

Five Countries I've Visited:

1. United Kingdom ( England, Wales, Scotland and Ireland)

2. France

3. Italy

4. Canada

5. Switzerland

Five Things I Miss About Texas:

1. good Mexican food

2. good barbecue

3. high school football games

4.warmer winters

5. my family & friends

Five Things That Drive Me Batty:

1. Whining- adult or child

2. Insincerity

3. Crowds

4. A complete lack of respect for the english language in both grammar and spelling

5. Rush hour on the Ben Franklin and/or Walt Whitman bridges

Five Hobbies of Mine:

1. scrapbooking

2. playing flute

3. photography

4. reading

5. writing

Five People to Pass This On To:

1.Cassie, whom I've never met, but has a lot in common with me, fellow military wife and scrapbooker with a baby born in the same month and year as Zoe.

2.Vicky Jo, fellow Texan, photographer and scrapbooker who is insanely talented but probably won't see this much less participate because she has many irons on her fire.

3.Carrie, honorary Texan, fellow photographer, scrapooker and also a mom with an August 07 baby.

4.Aimee, fellow- New Jersey resident and amazingly strong ( and patient) mom. She has FOUR kids... she had one and then had triplets. She didn't even get to ease into it... from mom of one to mom of four... WOW! She makes my menial whining about motherhood seem, well, menial.

5.Julie, who is a busy busy busy mom, the classic soccer mom always on the go to soccer, golf, gymnastics.. you name it! Wow.. she makes me tired too.. and because even though her blog is called, Just a Wee Bit Busy, I don't think she's busy enough and needs to be assigned another task.

Is Sarcasm Genetic?

Tonight, Noah's homework was to write sentences using his spelling words. One of his spelling words was "pick". He kept saying things like, " I picked berries." and "I like picking berries". I was trying to gently steer him to just using "pick" rather than "picked" or "picking" because I didn't want him to get confused when it came time to write the words for the spelling test.

I didn't want to come right out and give him a sentence, so I was hinting around and throwing suggestions out and suddenly, Noah started using this odd announcer voice and said:

"LADIIIIIIEEEEES AND GEENTLEMEN! We have here a person that doesn't know how to help her child and use the word 'pick' in a senteeeeeeence!!!"

Smart ass.

He gets it from his father.

A Random Spiral Into Insanity

I'm currently existing on four hours of sleep. Zoe decided she absolutely did NOT want to sleep last night and there was a lot of restless crying and one spectacular hour-long tantrum that lasted from three to four a.m. I mean, the kind of tantrum where she kicks the walls and door and screeches and screams like someone is torturing her.

The first few times, I tried the Super Nanny approach and just went in her room and told her it was night-night time and put her in bed, followed by simply putting her back in bed with no talking. Every time I put her back in bed and left the room, the tantrum got worse. Noah was now awake and he had a soccer game early this morning. So... I quit going in the room.... I left her there to throw her fit and hoped she would fall asleep.

She eventually did... the tantrum ended at four a.m. but there was still intermittent half-asleep fits every ten to fifteen minutes between the hours of four and five a.m. At five a.m. she finally fell completely asleep.

My alarm went off this morning at seven thirty. I groaned and smacked it... Noah was lying beside me in bed snoring happily. I told him he could "have a sleepover" with me last night. Zoe was down for the count and I was soooo close to blowing off the soccer game. My entire body begged me to just roll over and go back to sleep. But, there was just one thing standing in my way..... today was my day to be Snack Mom.

Now I silently cursed the Team Mom who scheduled me for today. I am certain when she was doling out responsibility, she looked into the future with her omniscient powers and knew that I would be blowing off the soccer game today and well, we can't have THAT... so she scheduled me to bring snack to ensure my attendance. What's that?? You didn't know that Team Mom had omniscient power? Well, she does... so does Room Mom. I'm certain of it. They pass out the god-like "omni's" (omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent..) when the golden mom that has all her scheisse* together is crowned Team/Room Mom. Yup.. if you don't believe me, it's all in the information packet... they hand it out on the first day.. go read it. ( And the Team Mom said, " Let there be snack", and there was snack. And it was good. And she rested on the Sabbath and admired all the good work she had delegated to others)

That will never be me. I will never be the mom that has it all together. I am doing good to have it all in the same state..... don't ask me to have it all together too! I guess incompetence could be a good thing... I don't WANT that responsibility.. I'm fairly certain I would screw it up... so I'm glad no one places that on my shoulders.

I used to be very responsible... and together... and sane... and well, SHOWERED. But, these are all fleeting luxuries nowadays.... gone by the wayside to being responsible for two human lives. How's THAT for responsibility... I have to keep two things breathing day in and day out. I think a panic attack is setting in....

And in the spirit of being totally random, yet with one cohesive theme ( my lack of sanity due to those that sprang forth from my loins) I would like to direct you to this past Thursday night. **ahem.... channeling Estelle Getty as Sophia Petrillo**

Picture it, my bathroom, Thursday night. I finally thought I had a leg up on Zoe and in order to stop her new bathtime activity of using her little potty to pour water out of the tub, I simply removed the potty from the bathroom. Flash of brilliance.... look how the sheer genius is just radiating from me.....

(Less than five minutes later)

"Mommy! Zoe pooped."

Yes. She. Did.

You know how a dog will punish you by tearing up your couch cushion, eating your newspaper or, say, peeing in your shoe? Yeah..... well.. Zoe pooped.

Zoe pooped in the bathtub that was full of toys and full of two kids.... then climbed out, squatted and pooped on the bathroom rug... in three separate distinct places. I cleared the kids from the tub and set up a haz-mat zone. I took the toys to the kitchen sink where they would later be soaked in bleach water and I went to decontaminating the bathroom. Since my darling spawns had been swimming with the... umm... er..... "foreign objects", I made them remain naked because after I was done scooping poop out of the tub and then scrubbing said tub,they needed to bathe again. At that point, I swear I would have sold my soul for a second bathroom.

As my naked children were chasing each other up and down the hallway screaming and laughing and I was up to my eyeballs in excrement, my most adored son, love-of-my-life says, " Mommy! Zoe pooped in my room!"

And she did.

All over his room.

In four separate piles.

Now, I would love to tell you the next thing that happened was I sat up in bed, sweating and realized it was all a bad dream... but, alas, it was real. I lost track of what happened next. I know the mess was cleaned, the kids were bathed and put to bed.. and at some point I came back to my senses and realized I was sitting in the fetal position in the kitchen corner surrounded by Reese's wrappers and Doritos bags.

I'm just kidding.

I was on the couch.

*shit

Craftiness- Halloween 2009

I haven't posted anything crafty in awhile... here is the Halloween decoration I made for my entryway....

It is made entirely of punched squares from the Basic Grey Eerie line.

I also made these for treats

...also using Basic Grey's Eerie line, a scallop punch and a border punch.

And last are my little ghosts for the front yard I made by draping white cotton fabric over Styrofoam balls and dowel rods (for legs).

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Why Didn't *I* Think of That?

Just a quick anecdote.

I was watching Zoe and she pulled a booger out of her nose. "That's typical two-year-old behavior" you might be thinking. But, from my experience, the typical next step is either wiping said booger on the wall, a piece of furniture or just simply eating it. Correct?

I watched as my daughter walked around with it on her finger, staring horrified at it for almost five minutes. She was pacing the living room scoping out the location. I was waiting for her to find the perfect spot to wipe it... but she didn't. After deeming everything in the house unacceptable, she simply tried to stick it back in her nose!

Huh..... I never thought of that!

The Spoiled Little Princess

Once upon a time in a land not so far away, there lived a spoiled-rotten little princess named Zoe.

Now, Zoe, was a beautiful, fair maiden with hair the color of fire but, alas, she had a temper to match her flaming-red locks.

One day, Zoe received an invitation to a Princess Party where all the princesses in the adjoining kingdoms were to gather, socialize, lunch and discuss the perks and downfalls of being royalty. Zoe was so very excited to go to this party and was certain that she would be the fairest and most powerful princess there and that all in attendance would bow in her presence.

Once the party began, Zoe found a few princess friends she already knew:

Princess Amber:

Princess Avery:

and Princess Kadence:

There were many other princesses she had never met before and they all enjoyed some crafts, followed by lunch.

Then, it was time for the Fairest Princess of All contest. Zoe resented the fact there was even a contest seeing as how she was certain she had the honour. "This is an outrage!" she cried.

She did not win the Fairest Princess contest and while her mother- Her Royal Majesty the Queen- felt it was a good lesson for her, she did not take it gracefully.

Very soon, Princess Zoe had to be removed from the party and restrained. The paparazzi pounced on the photo-op and used it as an entertainment story in the local kingdom paper about royal brats and their apalling behaviour.

Shortly after being restrained, Princess Zoe felt the effects of the presumably poisoned (and slightly frightening) Little Mermaid cookie she was forced to eat:
and fell into a deep slumber...

...where she could dream of being the fairest in the land.

THE END