Momma Made it Look Easy- Share Your Awesome- Today it's ME!

If you don't know Jennifer from Momma Made it Look Easy, then you must live under a rock. She is a friend in real life to me- grew up in the same home town and graduated from the same high school. Now, she is a real-life, grown-up blogger with lots of followers, sponsors and even travels to blogger conventions. She's the real deal. So, I am absolutely honored that she featured my blog on hers today. Go check it out!

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Anatomy of an Illness (even if it is psychosomatic)

My husband came home from work early yesterday because I needed him to take Noah to piano lessons so I could attend a discussion group for the school district.

As soon as he walks in the door, I can tell he doesn't feel well. My first thought is to feel really bad because he is going to have to sit in the car with Zoe while waiting for piano lessons to be over. But my second thought?

He'd better keep that crap to himself! I don't want that!!

At 6:30, I am sitting in the library of the local high school waiting for the discussion to get underway and my thoughts drift to DJ and hoping that he is feeling a little better and the kids weren't too obnoxious.

6:32- Oh, no! I have a tickle in my throat. I had better not be getting sick!!

6:32:30 Oh whew! There was just something stuck in my throat. Silly me.

6:40- Crap! My throat is scratchy. I knew I would get sick!

6:42- Maybe I am just thirsty. I AM pretty thirsty. I bet a good drink would fix this. I'm fine.

6:50- Nope. Definitely scratchy.

7:15- Well now it went away. Weird.

7:30- Good! We're done. My throat is a little phlegmy though. I'm starving! I will go home, eat and have a big glass of iced tea- I bet I am just thirsty!

I arrive home at 7:45- help get the kids ready and into bed and then sit down with my dinner.

8:15- Ugh! The iced tea did not help and NOW my throat hurts!

I then spend the entire State of the Union Address analyzing my body's symptoms and cues and finally, at 10:30, we turn the television off and I open the medicine cabinet and take two Tylenol.

DJ looks at me, puzzled and says, "Do you have a headache?"

"NO! My throat hurts! I think I am getting whatever it is you have."

**eye roll**

"How did you get what I have? I saw you for like, five minutes when I got home this afternoon."

"Yeah, but you were facing me and snoring with your mouth open last night. I'm pretty sure you breathed your germs on me."

**another eye roll**

"LOOK! YOU COULD SHOW A LITTLE SYMPATHY- AFTER ALL, I DO HAVE STREP!!"

"Are you serious right now?"

"Well, maybe not STREP.. but my throat definitely hurts and that's the beginning of something bad. I can feel it."

"Go to sleep, Jennifer."

"Fine! But when I am hospitalized due to the Swine Flu, you are going to feel so bad for mocking me!"

**eye roll**

"Swine Flu is so 2009. Be a little more creative."

"Whatever, Petri Dish! You better hope my MRSA doesn't spread to you, 'cause THEN you will be sorry!"

He doesn't hear this- he is already snoring. (10:33)

I'm sharing my awesome with Momma Made it Look Easy!

Kids Today are So Pretend Lazy (Conversations with Zoe)

ZOE: When we sing Bear Hunt, we run like this (demonstrates) when the bear is chasing us!

ME: Oh wow! You run very quickly! You know, I remember singing that song when I was in preschool.

ZOE: Ohhh... that was a LONG time ago!

Me: Umm, yeah. So... what do you do when you come to the fence?

ZOE: We open the gate (demonstrates again).

ME: Hmmm... because we had to climb the fence....

ZOE : Well, it's easy to open the gate.

ME: I suppose so. What do you do when you get to the water?

ZOE: We go in a boat and use the stick things to make you go (oars).

ME: Wow- we had to swim.

ZOE: That's weird, why??

ME: Because my preschool couldn't afford pretend boats!

ZOE: (completely unmoved by my sarcastic response) Well, why didn't you just pretend the carpet was the boat? Because there are sharks and crocodiles that probably ate you.

ME: Well, I guess I didn't have to worry about the bear anymore if the sharks and crocodiles got me, huh?

ZOE: Well, when I went in the boat, I saw some sharks and they were tiny babies, so I don't think they ate you.

ME: Oh whew! I'm so glad!

ZOE: But the bear ate you because you didn't go through the gate.

The Glove Abyss (with a guest appearance by Aretha Franklin)

You all know about the sock abyss- that mysterious place in the dryer that sock mates go and never return? Well, in our house, not only do we have a sock abyss, but also a glove abyss. For some reason, the glove abyss only targets Noah, though.

It started last year. During the course of a few weeks, Noah managed to lose one or both of five pairs of gloves. At one point, he was wearing mismatched sets because I was so tired of buying gloves. And then, he lost the mismatched sets. After he lost the first set, I started buying the cheap, $1 gloves in the dollar section of JoAnn's. And then that supply ran out, the other stores cleared their winter gear for spring and Noah was gloveless. My neighbor saw him outside one morning playing without gloves and gave him a pair. I was mortally embarrassed. I washed them and gave them back with an explanation as to why he had no gloves.

As soon as the cheap gloves appeared in stores this year, I stocked up. (Note: I do have two good, waterproof pair of gloves for snow, but he is not allowed to wear those to school so that I am assured we will have them when we need them) And the cycle has already begun. He started a few weeks ago with a pair of blue gloves. They both went missing. He then got a pair of black gloves and returned home with only one. I put the mate in the bin in the closet and broke out the next pair. That afternoon, he brought home the mate to the black pair- his bus driver found it. So that pair was blissfully reunited in the closet. And somehow I get lost in the story here- but now he is missing the black pair again, the blue pair never returned and so we pulled the tags off the striped pair this morning. We will see how long that lasts. If he loses this pair, there is only one other pair in the closet, and it is only January. It's gonna be a loooong winter!

In other news: While Zoe and I were waiting in the car outside Noah's piano lesson the other night, she got bored and broke into a negro spiritual.

So, maybe they will both be musicians.

But Zoe will be a musician WITH gloves.

I am Sharing My Awesome with Momma Made it Look Easy

Winter Wonderland- by Noah

Noah came home with another one of his writing projects the other day. They are so funny! His writing is really coming along but he is struggling with keeping the stories short. He gets caught up in this elaborate story he wants to write and the details which have the potential to stretch on for pages. His teacher is trying to get him to rein it in and tell the same fabulous story in a few short paragraphs. When this happens, I can visibly see in the story that he has a whole thought process going on and then suddenly sees the end of the page coming and thinks, "Oh crap! I have to wrap this up!" and he ends the story abruptly. I am going to type this story out exactly as he has written it- with his spelling and punctuation. (Noah is 8)

"Yay!", I yelled excitedly turning off my TV. " A parade is coming down town!", I cried gasping for air. The next day we made our car into a sleigh and the front of the car is atached to a cardbord cutout of reindeer on weels so the car can push the cutout around. Then we took the car to sign up for the parade.

The parade came and the "best car contest" was first. There was only three cars at the contest. A judge announced that the winner will ride behind Santa's float and get pictures with him. "We won!", I yelled!

There were millions of people at the parade. Santa was waiting for us at the end of the parade. I forgot what I had on my wish list so I took the picture and went. It felt like an hour before Zoe got done with Santa. We all went home happy.

The End

Why Do the Rules Keep Changing?

Okay- so about a month ago, I posted THIS about my daughter. We got up early on picture day, curled her hair and then she refused to smile for the photographer.

Thankfully, the company has a policy where if you don't like the picture, you can send them back on picture re-take day and they will try again. Knowing this day was coming, I took Zoe shopping. I told her she was going to take her pictures again and I was going to let her choose whatever outfit she wanted to wear for pictures. She was extremely excited about this and happily picked out a dress and matching tights. She has asked to wear that outfit every day since we brought it home.

This morning, picture re-take day arrived. I pulled her outfit from the closet anticipating her excitement when she learned that today was the day she would get to wear her new outfit to school. We had even already discussed her hair and I agreed NOT to curl it again, but to only put a little bit of curl in the ends. She doesn't like it curly.

And then she stumbled in the kitchen and announced she didn't like her outfit.

The rest of the morning was filled with this:

How can I effectively parent when she keeps changing the stinking rules!!???

(I will be sure and update you when I get these pictures back- it should be interesting!)

**linking up with Wordful Wednesday @ parenting BY dummies.

Ask Noah- Political Edition

Noah, who do you think will win the Republican Primary?

The what?

Who will be the Republican candidate that will go up against Obama in November?

Who's running?

Mitt Romney, Ron Paul, Rick Santorum, Newt Gingrich and Rick Perry.

They all sound like crazy people.

Okay, Ron Paul and Rick Perry are from Texas, Rick Santorum is from Pennsylvania, Newt Gingrich is from Pennsylvania, but served as a congressman for Georgia and Mitt Romney is from Massachusetts.

How is this information supposed to help me?

I don't KNOW!! I thought maybe telling you where they are from would help with your decision!

I don't know HOW!

Fine! How about pictures?

**I show him their pictures**

Who looks more presidential?

Obama.

Well, he IS the president. I am asking you who should run against Obama on the Republican side.

*skeptical, one-eyebrow-raised, stare*

OF THE REPUBLICANS, who do you think is or looks more presidential?

FINE! If I have to choose, then Mitt Romney.

Why do you think Mitt Romney?

Because you made me choose. And because he is from the northeast- and we are in the northeast too.

What do you think the President should do differently with our country?

Change the economy.

What is wrong with the economy?

I guess it is running out of money.

And how do you think they can fix that?

They need to make more jobs.

How do you make more jobs?

You just add more!

How will that help?

Because people will have more money.

What about foreign policy?

What is foreign policy?

How do we make other countries like us again?

By giving up wars?

Okay- let's switch gears- are you glad the basketball strike is over?

I didn't know there was one. (Yeah- most of us didn't care)

Alright, that was pointless, back to politics-

If someone ran for president of your school or the school district, what issues would you like them to address?

I would like french fries for lunch.

Oh, and I want Zoe in my school with me, because she is so cute (even though she is also a devil).

AND I want a recess that lasts 1/4 of the day!

I think we just got Noah's platform if he were running for president of his elementary school.....