Anxiety

Ok, so I've just begun my first term in pursuit of my graduate degree. "I am so proud of myself and this is just a natural progression in my quest for knowledge and to better myself" - is what I say on the outside.

"Holy Schnikes! I've lost my ever-loving mind! Will someone please just confirm my fear that I am too stupid to do this; and while you are at it, can you wipe the drool off my chin?"- is what I say on the inside.

The truth is, I had a dream last night that I was back in middle school... but as an adult. First, I couldn't find my locker, then when I did, I realized I had forgotten the combination to the lock. Then, in my English class, I realized that in addition to all the work I had done for the term ( and I had an A) that we had also had the task of completing a journal to turn in at the end of the term. The journal was supposed to be completed entirely outside of class on our own and I had forgotten all about it. It was worth half our grade and I was going to get a zero on it which would make me fail the class I thought I had aced. I was just sick sitting there realizing this and the fact that I LIKE to write, so how could I be so stupid as to forget this one key assignment that would have been easy for me?

Now I'm no psychologist, but I interpret this as my fears of inadequacy coming out.

Why couldn't I have just had the "showed up for class naked" dream, instead?

I have three content prep classes that I have to complete before I can officially begin my master's program. The first two classes are math classes and the third is a science class. I am not worried at all about the science class, but the math classes are scaring the hell out of me. It's been a LONG time! I was just cleared to begin my first math class- Statistics- last night. I opened up the program of study and saw references to graphing quadratic equations as well as geometery and probability. The air went out of my lungs.

Now, I'm no dummy (or at least I didn't used to be)... I did take Pre-Calculus on both a high school and college level but never man-ed up enough to take REAL Calculus. - What can I say, I'm a chicken- BUT... I took college Pre-Calculus in 1993.......ahem.....SEVENTEEN YEARS AGO.... I'm a little rusty.

So...... I guess I need to quit blogging about my fear of it and just dive right in... correct??

But first, let me go wipe my chin.