Life Lessons Learned

I have two quick anecdotes today.

The first started a few weeks ago when Zoë started saying, "Oh my God" a lot. I told her one day that wasn't a very nice thing to say and that she should say, "Oh my goodness." instead. She nodded her head and went about her way.

A couple of nights ago, I heard Noah and Zoë in the tub.

NOAH: You know who made the lawn?

ZOË: WHO????

NOAH: God

ZOË: **GASP**(then whispering) Mommy say don't say God, say goodness.

So now my kid thinks God is a bad word. Nice.

*******

Zoë's classroom has what they call "busy bees". It is basically their jobs. They pick their job for the week from things such as door holder, snack helper etc. Sometimes if they are not behaving themselves, they will lose their busy bee for the day.

Today, Zoë had two meltdowns. One massive one which I actually heard because I was volunteering ( I was not in her classroom and she did not know I was there) and happened to be taping notes to the cubbies out in the hall when I heard her screaming. I heard her teacher firmly tell her, " No hitting. I do not hit you, so you don't hit me!"

On the way home from school, I was talking to her about her sad choices. I told her that sometimes we all make sad choices- even Mommy and Daddy make sad choices. I gave her examples and then followed it up with, "So, everyone makes sad choices sometimes, but it is important that we realized we made a sad choice. And what do you think we should do next?" (I paused giving her a chance to answer, but was going to then tell her that we should apologize to the person we hurt either with our hands or our words) I didn't get to answer the question because she did

" Ummmm???? Lose our busy bee?"

First Impressions

From 2004-2008 I thought I was an awesome parent. I had a very well-behaved, well-mannered little boy that never got into trouble and a baby girl that, for the most part, slept well, smiled, coo-ed and played happily. Zoe's babyhood was in sharp contrast to Noah's. He was a very cranky baby and toddler, but once he hit 18 months old, he turned into a dream child.

Awesome parenting skills, right? You know.. some people were just born to be parents. Some people are just awesome.

Yeah... RIGHT!

So, while I was sitting on my smug little awesome pedestal judging others, my awesome baby girl was approaching eighteen months of age. The age that everything in my household apparently does a one-eighty.

Zoe hit eighteen months and I swear her red hair glowed a little brighter, that temper began to shine through, she started asserting her independence and we buckled down for the storm.

Because I still thought I was an awesome parent, Noah's terrible two's weren't so bad and we handled them well. Again, I erroneously attributed that to my stellar parenting skills.

Then Zoe turned two and it only got worse.

Zoe turned three and still... tantrums, strong-willed, EVERYTHING. IS. A. STRUGGLE. Resistance at every turn. I feel like I am beating my head against a brick wall. Hourly.

I know. It's the moment the parents of the children that throw public tantrums wait silently for. When the parents of the good children get their comeuppance. Karma. Smack in the back of their puffed up little heads.

Well, alright, already. I get it. It isn't my parenting skills. I was NOT an awesome parent, I was a LUCKY parent. I totally get it now. So, when does my lesson end? When will Zoe fall into compliance?

When Noah started preschool at age three, all I ever got was praise and compliments about what a sweet and well-behaved little boy he was. I took Zoe to meet her teacher and see her classroom today for preschool. It was a little different experience than the first time around.

Noah clung nervously to me, hid behind my leg and finally after 30 minutes or so, warmed up enough to play with some of the toys in the room, but never venturing far from me. When it was time to leave, all I had to do was tell him so and he was at my side for fear I might leave him.

Back to this morning. Zoe and I walked into her classroom (coincidentally the exact same classroom Noah had, but the teachers are different). She walked right in with her backpack, parked her butt on the little couch and began spreading out her blanket and stuffed cat. Another child wanted to sit on the couch too and Zoe was kicking and swatting at him. I was trying to contain her all the while the teacher was welcoming the parents and telling us about her classroom. I glanced down at Zoe again and she was lying upside down hanging off the couch, legs spread-eagle in her dress. I quietly asked her to sit up which she answered with a screech.

Since she couldn't play nicely and share the couch, I made her get up at which point- while the teacher was still giving her speech- Zoe proceeded to lie down on her back in the middle of the floor and start kicking her legs. She wasn't screaming, just sort of grunting with each kick, so I chose to ignore her. It was then that I could see it. The other parents were staring, judging. I was THAT mother. With THAT kid.

Just ten minutes earlier, in the parent meeting upstairs, they were explaining that if there were behavioral problems with the children, the parents would be required to accompany their child on the field trips. It wasn't an option. I was thinking I would chaperone all the field trips anyway, because they are fun. I went on all of them with Noah. But it would be mortifying to be that parent that HAD to go on all the field trips because their kid was a discipline problem.

And now, ten minutes later, I realized it was going to be ME. *I* was going to be the parent with the phone calls, incident reports, required to go on the field trips and the one the other newbies stare at, shake their heads and "tsk tsk".

Preschool is going to be an adventure...

...and a bit of entertainment.

I am just not sure WHOSE entertainment yet.

Oh, and if your child is in the same room as my child, get used to the name, "Zoe". I feel like it might come up a lot.

One more thing: I apologize in advance.

** I should note that once the teacher was finished speaking, Zoe happily went and played with the toys, but then it was time for us to leave and we had a mini-meltdown over leaving.

*** Dumb Mom is having Mom Tip Tuesday today and although I can't offer any tips, since it is pretty obvious my full-of-myself parenting skills have been invalidated and clearly I can only offer tips on how NOT to raise a child, she is generously offering the chance to link up school related posts too. So, if you have a Mom Tip or a school-related post- go on over and link up!

Moving Forward

I am not having anymore children. In all reality, I don't really WANT anymore children, but I must admit, my womb aches when I see tiny babies. They are always cute in the daytime. It's the nighttime my kids/babies have trouble with.

So, yeah. No more babies. I am ready to move on to a world without diapers ( we are so close, I can feel it) and having to pack an enormous bag everywhere I go. I am ready to have children that aren't quite so needy all the time. It's nice when they gain a little independence.

Yes, no more babies.

But, it is on those days when I am sorting through all my (gazillion) files of pictures on my hard drive and I come across photos like this:

(Noah@ 14 months)

...that my ovaries lurch, throwing off the cobwebs and perch, ready to spring into action.

But, then, I run across things like this:

(Noah throwing a fit at 23 months while his parents laughed and recorded it)

...and this:





(Zoe during the Epic Sleep Battle of Fall '09- the banging noise is her kicking her door, the video was shot at 3:30 am and the short version of the entire story is that she learned to crawl out of her crib, chaos ensued, and it took me NINE WEEKS- almost on my own, my husband was away six weeks- to get her to sleep through the night again!)


And yes, no more babies.




*If you would like to catch up on the sleep battle, you can read about it here ,here, here and the gripping finale, here.


** Also, I am linking up today with Dumb Mom's Old School Friday and Friday Follow.