The Princess and the Pee

I'm having a flashback.

A flashback to how your entire life seems to revolve around pee and poo when you have a two-year-old. In the grand scheme of my life, I will look back one day and these will be just small snippets of time, but right now ( and four years ago when I was going through this with Noah) it seems all-encompassing. Like I will NEVER know life without diapers and smelly, messy accidents. I know I will, I just can't quite catch a glimpse of that light at the end of the tunnel yet. And, after all, it IS that light that keeps us going.

When Noah was two, some of his little friends started potty training. He was not in the least bit interested. I let him be, trusting the advice of the experts that when he was ready, he would let me know. That day never came.

The summer he was turning three arrived and shortly after his birthday, he would be starting preschool. My goal was that he would be starting preschool in big boy underwear. It didn't happen. I'm such an underachiever.

I cannot take credit for teaching my son to use the toilet. Why? Because his preschool teachers did it. It happened just like all the books and quotes and people-who-know-things said. One day he decided to use the toilet and other than a few minor accidents, he never looked back.

I held on to the promise that "boys are hard to potty train" and was elated when the birth of my second child proved to be a girl. The first thing I thought upon her arrival was, "This one's going to be out of diapers at two." Ok, that wasn't REALLY my first thought... you know, " She's so beautiful!" ... " I'm glad she's finally here!"... " Wait a minute, she isn't really all that good-looking, have I given birth to a troll?" Oh, is that just me? Sorry, color me embarrassed. I digress.

So after displaying all the appropriate and expected social and emotional responses that accompany the birth of a child, I thought, "This one's gettin' outta diapers next month!"

I mean, I had been told that BOYS were the hard ones to train. Girls are easy. Even better, that younger children often learn more quickly than their older siblings because they want to be a big kid too like their tiny role models. I had TWO things on my side! Woohoo. I had it made.

Except, not so much.

I failed to take personality into consideration. Pure, stubborn, I do things my way and on my time when I feel like it, red-headed personality. And so it has been. For two and a half years.

Since Zoe turned two, the little potty has been sitting in the bathroom collecting dust. I put it there to generate interest. The only time she so much as glances at it, is when she likes to taunt me passive aggressively by putting her treasured stuffed cat on it and saying, " Look, Mommy! Meow Meow pee pee!" And we all clap for Meow Meow and I silently curse her future children with this same stubborn affliction.

Now, Zoe loves princesses. So, I had a stroke of brilliance- an outright moment of enlightenment in the holy temple of Target one day- I bought princess panties. And Zoe rejoiced and promised to use the potty so she could wear her " Ya-yel" ( Ariel) underwear. It didn't work. The panties are now perched nicely on top of her wardrobe where she takes them down every once in awhile, admires them, brings them to me and reminds me that she has to pee pee in the potty to wear them and then puts them back where they came from.

Which brings us to... For the last month, Zoe's diaper has been completely dry when she gets up in the mornings. That's one of the many signs of toilet-readiness. So I got all stealth and decided to try something new. I just put the panties on her hoping that when she wet herself, she would be uncomfortable and start to understand the concept.

I'm sure you will be astounded to know that didn't work either. After about twenty minutes, I went to check on her and she was happily playing- in wet underwear, with wet pants and wet socks. It didn't bother her in the least.

So, alas, I've thrown in the proverbial towel, packed the panties away and quit trying to coax her out of diapers. The days pass lazily by with a summer of diapers looming in my future. My light at the end of the tunnel? Zoe starts preschool in September and her teachers can teach her to use the potty then. That's my tax dollars at work and money well-spent.

** I'm linking up to Dumb Mom's ( her words, not mine) Thank Me Later posts where you can link up with your tips. And this is my tip on how NOT to potty train your two-year-old!