Culture is for Yogurt

I learned rather quickly upon arriving in New Jersey, that social invitations are sometimes just a nicety and not meant to be taken seriously. For example, if you were to run into someone you haven't seen in awhile and they were to say to you, " It's great to see you. We should do lunch sometime.", they don't really mean it. They do not seriously intend to go to lunch with you, it is just a gesture.

After ten years, I really thought I had the social protocol nailed down. I thought I was an expert. Tonight proved that I know as little as I did when I first moved here a decade ago.

There is a mom that sometimes comes to our bus stop. When she is there, she always goes on and on about how she works so much and rarely has time for a social life. She is always saying she needs to get some girlfriends and on many occasions throughout the course of this school year, has suggested playdates, lunches and movie nights to myself and my other friend who is also sometimes at the stop with us. So far, there have always been conflicts. Today, though, for the umpteenth time, when the kids got on the bus, she started her rhetoric about hanging out and letting the kids play and suggested that we come over this evening after dinner and roast smores. I thought this sounded like a great idea- a nice distraction for the kids since their father is working nights and they are really starting to miss his presence. I ended the conversation by telling her as she drove away in her minivan that I didn't see a problem with it and I would call her later in the day to confirm. She seemed very happy and cheerily drove away.

The other friend and I talked about it and decided that all our kids would love the playdate and departure from normal routine and decided to confirm. I called the woman on my cell to tell her we would definitely be coming and to ask what time she wanted us at her house. I kid you not, this is how the conversation went:

**phone ringing**

"Hello?"

"Hi, [Person], this is Jennifer[Last Name]."

"Who is Jennifer [Last Name]??"

Seriously? This woman has known me since our kids started preschool three years ago. She has sat in my driveway waiting on the bus countless times in the last year and during the frigid days of winter, I even invited her into my house to wait in the warmth for the bus. And she doesn't know my name. WHAT?

Rest of the conversation:

"Ummm, errrr, you know, Noah's mom?"

" Oh YEAH, right. What's up?"

"Well, [Friend] and I were talking and we would love to come over for smores tonight if the invitation is still open."

" Sure! That'll be great, come on over. Say, around seven o'clock?"

"Great! See you then!"

We showed up tonight, at seven sharp. She seemed excited about the visit and the kids happily went off to play, but she got us drinks, set us up outside on the deck and left. She was running around, talking on her cell phone and I got the impression we were like those mooching family members that show up and never leave. Her husband finally came home and expressed total surprise that we were there and then they started talking about needing showers. So, they took turns going inside to take showers while we sat outside with chips and dip. Then,[{Husband of Person] disappeared to work in the yard somewhere and then some neighbors showed up and they all stood at the fence completely away from where we were on the deck and chatted for awhile. Then, [Person] came back to the deck, chatted for a minute and promptly picked up her cell and called someone else and started chatting loudly. It was weird.

By the end of the evening, [Husband of Person] was pulling the kids around in a little trailer behind the tractor and we were enjoying a break from kids, so the kids had a blast, but I am still not sure I read that situation correctly. During one of the many times we were left alone, I asked [Friend] if she got the same impression and she decided that now that I pointed it out, she did find it a little odd. And then we giggled about being daft idiots and unknowingly imposing on someone else.

But, hey, we got free smores out of it.

Totally worth it.