The Colbert Children Stubborness Postulate OR "In Your Face, Mommy!"

"Help, Mommy! I wet now." is what I heard at 2:00 this afternoon. This is also the phrase that could have potentially sent me over the edge had there not been witnesses.

When I say my children are stubborn, I don't mean it lightly. I don't even mean it comically. I mean it in the "as a mule" context. Both of them.

When Zoe crawls out of bed in the mornings, her diaper is completely dry. It's been this way for months and try as I might to get her to sit on the potty, she adamantly refuses. I've even tried making her sit on the toilet and turning the water on to try and force her to go, but it doesn't work. Usually, an hour or two after she wakes up, she will finally let it all out and I know this when I see her saturated diaper hanging between her knees.

This morning was no different. The diaper was dry, I begged her to sit on the potty while she flat refused. I eventually got her and her brother dressed, Noah on the school bus and Zoe's backpack packed to go to hourly care today. She goes one day a week from 9-2 to get her used to being away from me before she starts preschool next year.

I arrived to pick her up a few minutes before two and she was sitting on her cot just waking up from nap time. Her teacher, Ms. Amanda, asked her if she wanted to sit on the potty and Zoe said she didn't. So, she took her to the changing area to change her diaper. That is standard procedure after nap time and she changed the diaper even though it wasn't wet. All the while she and I were talking and she said that Zoe never goes while she's at daycare either. She had still been in her original diaper from this morning. This meant that, at two o'clock in the afternoon, Zoe had still not gone to the bathroom since the night before. I was shocked.

Zoe happily said "Bye-bye" to Ms. Amanda and was now standing outside the partition with me while I chatted with Amanda about Zoe's day. I asked how long it took her to quit crying that morning, if she ate lunch, if she played and if she napped. We chatted for a minute or two and Zoe ran off down the little hallway a bit. I told Zoe she needed to come back to where I was standing and I bent down to zip her backpack at which point she uttered the line about being wet.

Confused, I reached around to feel her diaper to see if it was full. I recoiled as my hand was suddenly soaked. I turned her around and she had peed so much it had instantly filled her diaper to capacity, leaked and soaked the entire right side of her pants. All in the span of about two minutes.

I kindly asked Amanda if I could use the changing table and even she was astounded that Zoe could soak her diaper and pants that quickly after being changed. After the clean-up, Zoe skipped to the van where we had a conversation about being a big girl and using the potty.

" Zoe, you really need to use the big girl potty, now. It is time to get rid of the diapers."

" I wear my princess panties."

" Yes, you can wear your princess panties when you use the big girl potty."

"Okay, Mommy. I wear panties."

" You want to wear your princess panties?"

"Yeah."

" Are you going to use the potty?"

"No, mommy. I use diapers. No princess panties."

"Zoe, do you want to sit on the potty?"

"NO, MOMMY! No panties! I go my house, now."

**SIGH**

So, I started the van and I drove to her house...

...where she is currently wearing diapers.