Writer's Workshop- The Transformation of Me

One of the writing prompts today on Mama Kat's blog is "a song you can't escape". Well I don't think it would really be writing if I just include the lyrics to a song that won't leave my head lately, so I feel the need to explain why it is there.

You see, I've been working on me for the past year. I mean really working on me in ways that have been very uncomfortable but have ultimately resulted in a better, more confident me. I have my little bubble where I pretend nothing is wrong and ignore all the bad, or even remotely unpleasant things. The problem with ignoring them is that eventually they catch up with you. So, I have had to step outside my bubble and outside of everything comfortable and safe for me and confront myself head-on. What I learned is that I have to step outside my comfort zone in order to grow and I have grown so much this past year.

My growth has become more evident to me in the past few months. I decided to go back to school in pursuit of a graduate degree although I fear not being able to handle it and failing. In the past, in the community band where I play, when the other firsts have offered me a solo, I have politely declined. Playing a solo is so far out of my comfort zone it almost wraps around and back into it. Solos terrify me. I just don't have that kind of confidence in myself and my ability. But, the last two concerts, when they have asked, I have said, " Sure." and taken it on. None of them are difficult, mind you, but playing in front of others still terrifies me. By accepting the solos, I am forcing myself to confront my fear head-on. Don't get me wrong, they still terrify me, but I am gaining confidence.

There is a song that I love. I have had the soundtrack for a few years now and have always loved it, but it means more to me now. It is like a little anthem for myself and I have awakened with it playing in my head numerous times over the past two months. My mind is telling me that I am there... I'm ready.... " to close my eyes and leap".

Defying Gravity ( from Wicked)
written and composed by Stephen Schwartz

Something has changed within me.
Something is not the same.
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game.
Too late for second-guessing.
Too late to go back to sleep.
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes and leap!

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you can't pull me down!

I'm through accepting limits
'Cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But 'til I try I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost!

I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me good-bye
I'm defying gravity
And you can't pull me down.

So if you care to find me
Look to the western sky
As someone told me lately
"Everyone deserves the chance to fly!"

And if I'm flying solo
At least I'm flying free
To those who'd ground me
Take a message back from me

Tell them how I
Am defying gravity
I'm flying high
Defying gravity.
And soon I'll match them in renown
and nobody in all of Oz
No wizard that there is or was
Is ever gonna bring me down!