I Have a Superpower

Invisibility.

I had no idea I was invisible.

As a mother, I am often the invisible force behind my children. For the most part, I can handle it. There are times when it is unnerving and I feel like I am not noticed or appreciated.

But this post isn't about that. That is part of motherhood and it happens to everyone.

This post is about the fact that I have become invisible when away from my children. When I am trying to be me. The old me. The real me that is not defined by my children.

In the past, people liked to be around me. I've never been attractive, but for the most part, I was funny, fun or at least interesting enough to be able to capture someone's attention in a conversation for a few minutes. People liked to hang out with me.

Since we have been in New Jersey, I have increasingly noticed when I'm talking to someone, that they aren't listening to me. They are looking around at other things, distracted, or interrupt me in the middle of my sentence. My husband convinced me it was just the area. The people here are in more of a hurry. I accepted that, but now I'm not so sure.

Last night, I went to rehearsal. The woman that normally prints and distributes the tickets to our concerts to each band member has been very ill. So, another woman passed them out for her. A woman that has been in the band for many years. A woman, that sits on the front row directly across from me playing clarinet. In a band that I have been a part of for the past FIVE years.

So, I was talking to another member before rehearsal and Woman approaches and gives the tickets to the other member and moves on. I didn't think anything of it, I just thought mine were probably further down in the stack and she didn't want to dig for them. But, out of the corner of my eye, I saw her talking to the tuba player and pointing to me. She was asking what my name was. And the tuba player threw her hands up in the air and said, " I don't know!!"

Seriously? Five years. FIVE YEARS! I am also on the executive board of the band. I co-chair the scholarship committee. But, people don't know my name. Wow.

Later in rehearsal, there was a part where the flute section has the melody and we missed it. I say "we" meaning the section as a whole. But, I actually played the first measure and a half, realized noone else was playing and thought I messed up and quit. So, when the director stopped us to ask what happened, everyone was laughing and talking about how we ALL missed it. I mentioned that I played. Everyone just kept laughing and talking about how the entire section missed it. I said again, " I played." and then the director said, " I just didn't hear ANYTHING there!"

I PLAYED!

Do you ever feel invisible?